Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
i have been with my man for 12 years, and the sex has become routine to say the least but the foreplay is what bothers me the most. im a kisser i love to kiss and just be affectionate. he on the other hand is not. his idea of foreplay is me giving head for 30 minutes or more and maybe if im lucky he will suck on my breast or give me a finger. he does not go down....in the 12 years weve been together he's gone down maybe 5 times. it used to not bother me but the fact that he "requires" head before sex is really turnin me off. a blow "JOB" is an understatement at this point. i dont know what to do i love him to death and wouldnt think of being with anyone else but dont know how to bring up my issue without hurting his ego. any advise???
Welcome to this board, sorry for your situation bringing you here, but congratulations on making the situation open for discussion. As you have read, communication is crucial, whether it be in the bedroom or the grocery store. Said communication is not only between partners IMO, but with ourselves also. At one point you state you are a pleaser, correct? Lace a pleaser around a narcisstic inclined person and the results can often lead to a serious codependency.
Think back to earlier times, were you the aggressor then? There is nothing wrong at all in being a pleaser, until it comes to the point you are at, your desires are not being filled.
Is the relationship worth fighting for? He wants to pout or place blame when you offer up conversation in regards to your desires, then do not offer, demand, that would be the aggressive thing, right?
Some men enjoy complacency, some desire routine,and some fail to reason with logic, but most all wish to please, satisfy and keep their partners, but sometimes, they need to learn how to listen all over again, not just with their ears, but with their eyes and heart as well, jmo. While I doubt your h would be receptive, counseling may be in need. Just may be he needs to learn your love language again and with that maybe find a better partnership with you by opening up inspiring communication again.
Kudos to the responses from the board, wish I would habe had this type of support 20 yrs ago, you all rock