Hi Koko, firstly being a virgin is not an illness nor an issue. I think you would be very odd if you were not scared a little bit. maybe you are expanding this trepidation into a much bigger thing because you might be 'thinking' too much. I think the first thing to do is get a clear idea of what it is you are scared of, and address it head on, is it the pregnancy/STD thing ? answer = condom, is it a fear of not knowing what you are doing ? answer = learn or is it a fear of fear itself ? answer = relax and go with the flow but the main thing is don't rush it, take things at a comfortable pace for you, it's not a race and there is not a fine to pay if you don't lose your cherry by a given time. this is just my opinion and I know nothing :)

What Broken said!

I agree with Brokeneye, understand what you're fears are and then plan to prevent them from happening.

You said your b/f is 100% clean of STDs and if that is true then you have nothing to worry about. If he's clean and you're clean, you can't get a STD. If it's still a worry for you, use condoms. They aren't 100% effective against preventing STDs but the only thing that is 100% effective is never having any sexual contact with anyone.

If pregnancy is a worry, make sure you're always protected and you can use double protection if the fear of pregnancy is preventing you from enjoying sex or making your anxiety go high. Use condoms and go on birth control.

Another thing to do is talk to your b/f about your fears and think about how you would handle it if something were to happen.

You can't allow fear to control your life, you run risks every day of your life. Every time you get in a car there's the risk you can get in a wreck, get seriously injured, get killed. Every time you walk down the street, walk through a parking lot or a park, there's a risk that you can be mugged or worse. Risks are all around you every day so you make yourself aware of what can possibly happen in a situation and you do your best to help prevent them.

If your fear of having sex is that strong, maybe that's your inner self telling you you're just not ready to have sex yet and there's nothing wrong with that.

Let's use our "word power" here:

What are you hoping to GAIN by LOSING your virginity? If you're anxious now, it will be compounded by sex.

If you want to simply know what it feels like to insert a penis into your vagina, I say "de-virginalize" YOURSELF by buying a dildo and trying it out, with lots of lube. Then you'll technically no longer be a virgin, and you can forgo any feelings of anxiety relating to another "taking advantage of you" by controlling the speed, depth and ferocity yourself.

You know your threshold of pain, you know what feels good and what doesn't, so you can always back off, slow down if you feel like you're hurting yourself.

Then, when you feel the ripeness of time approaching and you're really ready (and you really like the guy), you'll already be self-educated about your own body and what feels good. Unless he, whoever he may be, is a self-centered jerk, he'll thank you for this knowledge and information, believe me, because he'll want it to feel good for you too, to please you, to bring you to such intense, nerve-wracking orgasms the likes of which you've never felt in your whole life!

Education: The key to success and happiness.

On an emotional level, if you're hoping to gain complete love and acceptance, as so many of us are, I suggest developing a really, really strong bond of friendship first, which it sounds like you're doing, and that's great. That''ll disspell much of the anxiety.

Sex is physical stimulation, but, especially for the young and impressionable, it also opens up doorways and corridors of deep feelings. If you're afraid of the dark, I say DO NOT engage in sex, until you've explored YOURSELF in this arena, because sex will take you to dark, dark places in your heart. You've got to feel safe and secure in your own skin, which, sounds like, is not the case.

actually the main problem is I feel so ugly cause I am fat :(

there I said it. :(

(but I am terrified of pregnancy and stds too)

So you're afraid of exposing yourself physically, then, being naked, in front of him? Only natural. I'm afraid of my pale, white skin. But I like the physical shape of my body and my muscles, that I gain from working out, as well as my strong, beating heart, so that makes me confident.

Again, self-pleasuring. It'll help you work within what God gave you. And, if you're interested in losing weight, any gyms, with treadmills, stationary bikes and ellipticals, that have your name on them?

I watch Biggest Loser on NBC every Tuesday night, and it helps spurn my motivation when I get in those depressing, mid-life funks of depression. You watch this show? People work through their emotional issues and physical limitations through a good sweat. Kicks ass.

yea I've been going to the gym for 6 weeks and I've not lost any weight, I don't feel any better than when I started. in fact I feel worse. and now I have stopped going because I am so fat.

If the weight is the real issue and you are dating this guy (not just one night stand) than chances are great that you care more about your body being over weight than he does. Most women think that their body needs to be perfect. get over it cause no one is perfect. If the STDs are a worry and he has been with others than have him get tested. Pregnancy than use birth control pills and condoms. If it is more emotional because you do not want to be a vigin having sex may make it worse. Most women cannot have casual sex, it messes with the mind, you may want to wait until until you and he are in love.

A positive note on the weight: If the guy likes what he sees and feels through your clothes, he'll like you naked too!!!

But I think you've got some deeper issues there. DO NOT have sex until you feel really comfortable and in love, and the best kind of love you can get is from yourself. Keep exercising. Feels like you're dying at first, but if you just keep with it, you will get stronger and healthier. Don't give up so quick! Maybe just concentrate on cardio.

Sex just for sex's sake will make you feel HORRIBLE, if you're looking for it to fill some void in your heart, trust me.

Also, try to develop a sense of humor about yourself. If you think you're fat, say "I'm fat...so what?"

have wine until it happens .......

I glanced at your profile. Congratulations for having the courage to tell us you believe you are overweight and ugly. However, I hear that also from women who are thin as straws. You may be overweight but just out of curosity, do you know your Body Mass Index. If you don't know, just google Body Mass Index and you will find sites which will calculate it for you.

Six weeks is not a very long time. It took me a little over a year to go from 185 to 260, but nearly two years to go from 260 to 175. That was forty years ago and I have not put it back on, yet.

I am not a mental health pro, but, from your profile I might draw a conclusion that your general anxiety, fear of sex and your extra weight might be do to trauma as a young person. You didn't say if you were getting mental health counseling, and if not, I would strongly suggest it.

Good luck.

Also, koko, focus on HIM as well. As much as you'd like him to come to YOU as the end-all/be-all goddess, the source and destination of all good things, do you find HIM attractive? We guys like attention too!