So my last semi-serious relationship was four years ago.  I was really crazy about the guy.  He was the last person that I slept with before lockdown and the lockdown and the political upheval stressed me out so much that my sex drive died completely and I thought that I would never get it back.

Well that has changed.  I was unsuccessfully trying to date this summer, and then out of the blue I met this guy who is 20 years younger than me. That is not what I had planned.  Guys my own age...IDK...some of them were just so misogynistic, we weren't clicking. I'm not trying to say that a younger guy is better for me.  All of the sudden I realized I really clicked with this guy.  To be clear, I'm not "in a relationship" or even dating per-se.  I'm now in an agreed casual relationship where basically I am casually dating someone and have a lover.  I'm kinda worried that I'm going to catch feelings or that he is going to catch feelings, by the things that he is saying.  He was clear that he wanted a sexual relationship up front. I was surprisingly OK with that. I usually never take late night calls and texts from men, but with him it was OK.  I enjoyed our drink date and our conversation.

I guess my dilemma is, he does not want to use a condom. I insisted upon it. This guy is very attractive and obviously he doesn't lack for action.  Sorry to be descriptive, but I saw the used condom wrappers on the floor when I came in his room.  Not throwing any shade, just saying...he kept insisting during sex that he wanted to take the condom off and that "he was clean" etc. I guess he prefers it that way. I kept insisting no.  I've been through menopause and supposedly can't get pregnant...according to the doctor...but I have the occasional random period once or twice a year.  Much older women have warned me not to always believe the blood tests, and to be careful of the of a stray ovulation. I know that seems far-fetched...  As we know, abortion is practically off the table.  But the worst case scenario would be a really bad STD.

It is hard to set boundaries in life...it is even harder to set boundaries in the middle of the act, like so hard.  Especially when you are so into someone.  I feel like if this relationship goes on I have to lay down the law, get tested again and demand he be tested, possibly a full panel.  It is risky, always.  I mean condom wrappers on his bedroom floor, damn.  I was practically a born-again virgin until this weekend. He was very sweet even though it kinda hurt-at first. In the past, I've had some boyfriends slam me for being too tight down there-like serious criticism. One even broke up with me.  He was much more patient and understanding and the whole experience was better overall-didn't shame me for that.  That is what I will want in any kind of sexual relationship going forward.  Patience. Amazing when you can get more understanding from a friend with benefits than from a boyfriend.  His attitudes toward women were WAY more open and egalitarian.  Maybe it's because he's a millenial-just saying.