I'm of the mindset that having to protect the guy's fragile little ego is BS. I've never been with a partner that didn't want me tell him what I need and they've always been wanting to make sure I'm satisfied. The same goes for me, I want my partner tell me what he needs.

A couples sex life is about both people being satisfied, working together to find what works for both of them, teaching each other what they each need and both partners wanting to do what the other needs. Your sex life with him is not about him, it should be about the both of you.

You're worried about his ego but he's not worried about what you need and your satisfaction. He tells you it's you, you have to beg for foreplay, he shoves himself in, he won't listen to what YOU need.

It doesn't matter that all other women he was with had orgasms by his technique (maybe they were faking it). We're not all the same, all women are different just as all men are different. What works for some women/men, won't work for all women/men.

When you need more foreplay tell him you're not ready for intercourse and don't let him shove it in. If missionary position doesn't work for you, do other positions that you can get off in and then switch to missionary if that's what he needs for him.

As for him deflating during intercourse, that's not something he can control but there are other ways of you both being satisfied besides intercourse. He can also try using a cock ring to keep his erection.

Talk to him outside of the bedroom, tell him exactly what you need and tell him your sex life is about the both of you being pleasured, not just him. If he still has the attitude that it's an issue with you, he won't give you the foreplay you need, he disregards your feelings about what you need then you're not sexually compatible and he's a very selfish lover.

I have tried showing him and he knows about the bump n grind, I have shown him what I need but he just doesnt seem to get it. hes getting cross with me for not coming and sometimes grunts 'for gods sake come' as he's on top! Which puts me right off!

We have got lots of toys including a cock ring or three! They do help but he has to be manually stimulated to ejaculate. He doesnt often come inside me. Thats ok, I can take that on the chin, so to speak ( lol)

He used to jump off me in the middle of full on interourse, just saying we were going to be late or whatever....just pulls himself out of me and goes for a shower, I was left feeling horrible and discarded apart from the physical discomfort!
I do love this guy and fancy the pants off him....but these little attitude issues make me feel a bit erm worried for the future...

thanks for the reply.
x

Is your husband and current lover the same person ?
I would be really worried about the future too !
Sounds to me like he is selfish in nature and dosent really care about your needs.

sorry yes my husband is my lover...I call him my lover in relation to bedroom antics! ...its seems more romantic?! x

I wouldn't call them "little" attitude issues. You're left unsatisfied, he's selfish and doesn't care to give you what you need, those are big issues in my book.

What's his take on the many other intercourse positions besides missionary that might work better for you. What's his issue with getting you off with oral, manual stimulation, using the toys on you before and/or after intercourse since you don't orgasm through intercourse.

If he doesn't step up to the plate very soon, I too would be worried about the future. That depends on how important having a good sex life, being sexually satisfied and being sexually compatible with your partner is to you.

I agree with leatherandlace...

If what I was doing was not effective or I was not pleasing my partner, I would absolutely want to know and would do what I could to correct the issue. Vice-versa, if I was with someone who wasn't 'doing it' for me, I would say something and would expect it to be received well.

Relationships are about 'we' not 'me' so if there are attitude issues, they need to be addressed before they fester into something permanently damaging.

Good luck with the communication. I wish you the best :)

Sunny, these are not "little attitude" issues... They are major attitude issues. It seems to me like he is very inconsiderate, rude, prideful, insecure and selfish.... Sorry.... I don't know how to candy coat that. If it were me, I'd be sitting down and having a serious talk about my issues. Your pleasure is just as important as his is. If he isn't receptive, I'd leave. Personally I consider his behavior abusive if anything emotionally... Good luck. I know sometimes its hard to do what you need to do and set boundaries when necessary when they haven't been there in the past. You deserve better treatment than that sunny and you need to decide what you are willing to tolerate and live with.

Ladies...Ladies...Please read those lines before jumping your horses. The guy got to take Viagra to have sex, or able to perform. NOW! Generally who needs Viagra is 5 years off with their first heart attack. This is a known fact. Viagra was developed for heart patients. All of a sudden they started chasing the old lady around.
Now for a guy not to be able to perform is very humiliating,it is hard to believe it is not only a physical but a mental shocker.The hairline vessels get clogged, one bad move to the left or right , the circulation cuts out and the penis goes south.And you cant do nothing about it.
The least expensive way to try to fix things is to start taking L-Argenine.Please watch Dr Ignarro's video on Youtube who got a Nobel prize for his research about the subject. All newer skin products for woman are containing argenine! For a reason.

Since arginine may help arteries relax and improve blood flow, it may also help with erectile dysfunction.

http://www.webmd.com/heart/arginine-heart-benefits-and-side-
effects

It is cost a way less than Viagra just go to Amazon and 3 bottle is like $20. It works instantly. Many body builders taking it, MMA fighters and professional athletes.It repairs damaged blood vessels, smooths the skin form wrinkles as the blood flow improves..

I read about him having ED, that's not a reason to not engage in foreplay, to just shove it in, to jump off her and go take a shower, to not give a damn about her pleasure too.

My partner has ED on and off, it's not an issue for either of us at times he can't get it up or it doesn't stay up. Intercourse is not the be-all end-all, there are a lot of other things that can be done to pleasure and sexually satisfy both partners.

She said they have sex every morning and sometimes again during the day. She said he has orgasms so why shouldn't she get hers too? If she can't get there through intercourse whether it's because intercourse just doesn't do it for her or if it's because he goes limp during, if he wasn't a selfish lover, he would get her there in other ways.

There are some very good points in your reply....

After reading OP, all I can think of is technique... I didn't realize there was one way to make a woman cum. I'm sure if I discussed it with my lady friends, each one would have a different answer as to how they were pleased.

Correcting his technique? Well maybe an open discussion as to what you like would be a good start.

Thank you Leather. That was my thought process on it as well. ED is no excuse to disregard the needs of your partner or to be abusive...

Well after another unsatisfying morning I get to my computer to read your comments.

MsViv: I have discussed with my girlfriends about reaching orgasm and they all say they need clitoral stimulation of some sort. Thats all I meant. My husband/lover doesnt seem to realise this point and his lovemaking and intercourse dont involve clitoral stimulation - in fact sometimes he thinks my clitoris is on the inside of my leg!!! No matter how many times I guide his hand to there and show him, he isnt getting what I want!

i appreciate his needs with the ED and always satisfy him. I couldnt imagine not wanting to. Theres not much I wouldnt do if it satisfied him to be honest.

As a person he is very self-centred. He calls himself the world best kisser....jeeez I thought you better be able to follow up with the rest too.
As lovers go, and as for his technique, I was after tips on how to broach the subject or do I just show him?! He is pretty sensitive on these things, well anyway critisism really, it woud result in a massive sulk.!
I have tried Ihis way - to be enthusiastic in my response to the things I like and unenthusiastic to the things he does I dont like....hoping he would get the message....!

I appreciate all your comments, thanks for the input! x

oh and thanks for the tip on Argenine, very interesting!

The jumping off me during intercourse has happened twice now in six months. The first time I was very upset and made my feelings known, he looked completely surprised at my reaction saying, yes but I was going to be late...

The second time I was more cross and upset than the first time. I had a sensible talk with him about it later but he turned it around to being my fault as I was trying to manipulate the situation and make him late for our appointment.

This is not true, but I feel that if you are making love nothing else matters in the heat of the moment, I had no idea of the time, and if we had to sneak into our appointment late with sheepish grins, so what! (We had a group dance class day booked.very relaxed)

anyway my point is that maybe since these incidents I have been holding backe and not so able to relax....maybe its just me?!
but then again that still doesnt explain him not caring about my needs eh....