I understand the need to love and be loved, but the church is wrong with regards to marriage being a "chastity" relationship in which all lust is forbidden. This kind of repression is a recipe for infidelity and porn addiction. We cannot deny what God implanted in the first place.

pete you didn't make any sense there MARRAIGE IS FOR THE COURTS NOWADAYS

as seen here, everyone will have their own beliefs and opinions. you will not find a black and white answer to the question. no one is wrong in their opinions/beliefs.

as for me, never thought of it until recently, when it was brought up on this site more than once. now i am completely confused, lol.

Hi, koolman!!!
I think this is one of those matters that is dependent on the belief system of the two paticipants. It's right for some, wrong for others!!!

Well God gave us instincts for security and shelter. That does not condone burglary or ransackign someone's home. God given instincts do not mean we are at liberty to satisfy them as we see fit. Disclaimer again: I am no saint!

petesake: Agree. If we completely followed our "instinct", we'd be back in prehistoric times clubbing each other and devouring each other's flesh to survive (evolutionism, I know). God knows I suppress my "instincts" all the time, because I know the unhealthy consequences.

Great comments, guys and gals. This is the reason I brought this subject up, to open up a discussion, because I'm frequently as confused about it as any of you are. My own heart sees the pleasure of lust and also the consequences of it. Even if there were no STDs, lust has the effect of distancing one's self emotionally from others (and from God). If hell is defined as isolation from God, then lust does indeed have the effect of sending us to hell. Lust is the ultimate in self-aggrandizement and self-centeredness, "getting mine" even if at the expense of others' needs or feelings. Human nature is to survive, and survival is a solitary pursuit. The issue is combining lust (in healthy moderate quantities) with LOVE for another. The "lust-to-love ratio" is what's in question, and is a matter of personal taste relative to one's own emotional thresholds and experience that one can tolerate. I'm learning more about my own "give-and-take" nature every day. Thanks folks for really opening this up, and keep those responses coming!

Thanks for bringing it up, koolman. It is something that has many faces and many possible outcomes in marriages and relationships, and I appreciate the willingness of those who posted to sharing your feelings and allowing me to share mine.

Just to follow up, may wife and I were discussing this post, and one thing that we learned about lust vs. desire was that lust drove us to do many things that we considered to be "healthy" and exciting in our sexual relationship. After many years of letting lusts intermix with desire in our lives, we found out that we hit a point where the lust no longer satisfied us, and we almost hit a point of having no sexual relations at all. After I discovered that I had lived with an addiction to sex and porn for so many years, we "started over" and discovered passion and desire again. Soon afterwards, we slid back to a "lust" for certain things, and all too soon we ended up back where we were before. At that point, we figured out that, for us, desire and passion were way more satisfying than just lust. We had love and desire for one another, but the occasional lustful thought or urge would come along, and we would act on those feelings, but it wasn't the same. Oragsms weren't as powerful or satisfying, and many times we would end up looking at one another and wondering why we even did it. With passion and desire for one another as the driving force, we were much, much more satisfied and never had to worry or wonder about why it didn't work.

So, for us, it is all about that sexual satisfaction that comes from a healthy and powerful desire for one another. We still may have an occasional lustful feeling come along, but now we just pass it by and settle for our new-found passionate desire for one another.