Just sounds like you're a bit submissive. You probably got some of that from your ex wife, either had it before you got married or grew a taste for it while married.... now that she is gone there is a need or desire that isn't getting fufilled. There's nothing wrong with s/m or bdsm, its a sexual preferance, that's it. If you feel the urge, see if you can find a girl who would be interested in dominatine you. Explore that part of yourself, it could be great.

I agree with Scarlet, there's nothing wrong with your fantasies and desires. It could but not necessarily have anything to do with your past. My desires for bdsm and my living a D/s relationship lifestyle has nothing to do with any form of past abuse, it's simply the way I'm wired and always have been.

The ladies of course know their stuff and I agree. But it may not be a D/s or BDSM need. It might in fact be a need to feel that hurt, that pain, you experienced because it satisfies an internal craving. That pain grounds you in something. It's a decision. It's set within boundaries. Otherwise, it's a little confusing on where to go from there. It's hard to define what it satisfies, but somehow it does, I think.

I'm sure I'm not making any sense, but I know what I'm trying to say and that's just gonna have to transfer over through osmosis. :-) I too experienced pain and while I'm not looking to be punished or bitch-slapped, I do identify in a new way with what I felt at that time.

Whether therapy is warranted or not is up to you. If you feel damaged and you're in a depressed state, then for sure you need to get some counseling. If you've been "awakened" and somehow you see this new desire to be exciting and possibly rewarding, then you might be ok.

Okie, you DO make sense to me and I think all of you have opened my eyes a little more.

I don't think I'm depressed but I think I became use to being somewhat submissive in other aspects of my life and it carried over sexually. Somebody said that, I think.

Thanks! Now how do I find someone who wants to punish me? :)

I've heard that many sexual submissives are dominant in other respects. That said, I am NOT that way, I'm submissive in most aspects of my life.

Sorry, can't help you, I'd make an awful Domme. I wouldn't inflict me on any sub lol

I myself am a switch, 60% submiive, 40% dominatrix, not into pain, have soft limits about being spanked, hard limits about pain. Am willing to spank my One True Love, but only if He wants me to.

Love Bondage of the silk scarf variety, the idea of handcuffs is nothing that I seek, bhut6 if my One True Love wanted to handcuff me, they would have to be the soft cloth kind, that would be OK.

I have such a deepm deep, hunger, a deep, deep, need to be able to trust somebody, to give myself so entirely to Him. To have Him give Himself just as completely to me.

Obviously I am saving myself for Him, for Love.