Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
OK...I'm still in my "moral dilemma" mode.
Does anyone find that when they go too far out on the "wild side" (more is better) and try every sexual trick in the book (BJ, cunninglus, anal, whatever puts your freak on) that they lose sweetness in themselves and their relationship, their heart becomes callous and hard, it distances them from their partner (and God for religious types) and then one finds that they have to rein in the wildness to get back in touch with their sweetness and the sweetness of their partner, being humble in the whole experience, which is what made their partner so attractive and the sex so hot in the first place? I know I do.
Does anyone find that when they go too far out on the "wild side" (more is better) and try every sexual trick in the book (BJ, cunninglus, anal, whatever puts your freak on) that they lose sweetness in themselves and their relationship, their heart becomes callous and hard, it distances them from their partner (and God for religious types) and then one finds that they have to rein in the wildness to get back in touch with their sweetness and the sweetness of their partner, being humble in the whole experience, which is what made their partner so attractive and the sex so hot in the first place? I know I do.
And your dirty Saturday night 'whore' a black p\/c catsuit
IMHO, you ha\/e two options, You need to either realize that simply because people may play different sexual games, feed sexual needs/wants doesn't make them a heathen, that just because someone sucks cock or likes anal, doesn't automatically constitute them a heathen
Or accept that you're going to ha\/e missionary position only in the dark, partially dressed, on Saturday nights in suburbia once a week for the rest of your life
Why does "getting your freak on" constitute losing sweetness? Do you consider these dirty/wrong? Looks as though you are doing some self-examination and attempting to discern your moral guidelines
Good luck with that, you run the risk of meeting your 'nice girl' and then ha\/ing her fall off that pedestal you want her to be on if she \/eers from the 'norm' of what 'nice girls' do
Seriously, whatever depravity I've endorsed, initiated, or performed over the years has all been in good fun. I think sex goes wrong when people try to elevate it to some sort of PG-13/John Hughes inspired loftiness, when it is really just grownups having fun with one another.
When I don my partner's panties and proceed to strut around the kitchen saying "Hey pretty lady, I a sexy GIRL!", I don't think of it as depravity. Is it magical & transcendant? Oh shit no. Is it funny/fun? Heck yeah!
This brings us back to our "lady in the streets, freak in the sheets" post, which seems to be what I want. Thanks for the clearing up, folks.
To the disappoint of some :), I'm not going into the salacious details, but when I first got back on my own, I was convinced I was out there sexually. That attitude led to meeting some women I would normally not have met, and I saw several worlds I never knew existed. I came to realize I may not be mainstream, but I'm closer to the middle than I am to the edge.
One difference I see between us, is I intrinsically resolved where I saw myself, whereas you seem to be struggling with where you should be.
Something that help me do that is the notion of "Owning my choices". And by that I mean I stopped looking at choices I've made (things I've done) as somehow externally impressed on me, but rather accept them as my own. Admittedly, I'm not ready for my teenagers to read about my story, but my close friends
know, even though their jaw might have been resting on their chest while I was telling them, and maybe even wish they didn't know.
Through it all, I still think I'm a good person. (I know some would disagree) And I think there are women out there who have had a similar life experience, and they are good women. So, in understanding in myself just what is important to me, I had to let go of some things that were not really mine, and keep what was, even if most women would find it unacceptable.
Of course, you can't really choose who you will fall for, but if I could, I would want a sexually experienced woman. Someone who has gone a little too far, and has pulled back so she has confidence of what she likes and doesn't like that has come from the curiosity of discovery, and realizing it's not for her. And at this point I don't see any issues with letting out my dark side, along with feelings of tenderness and love, with someone who has had a similar experience and come to similar conclusions as I have.
I wish you good luck KoolMan. Coming to grips with who I was has been a painful process, but I will say I've always felt better once I got to the other side.
Bob
When we first started sleeping together, it was fun and exciting, but after a year or so it was monotonous and he wanted to try more and more "out there" stuff. At first I didn't mind, but after awhile that was ALL he wanted, never the "sweet" physical relationship we had before. It got to the point where I didn't even want to kiss him, because I knew it would just lead to raunchy sex and I didn't want that. I wanted my sweet guy back. So, it drove a huge wedge between us, and was one of the main factors that drove us apart in the end.
Looking back, I think that had we approached it rationally, we could have achieved a balance. I am the type of girl that will take care of my man, make him dinner, do his laundry, etc without complaining, because I love to do that stuff. But I can also be a wild one when I so choose. My guy friends have told me I'm the "kind of girl you marry". I guess thats a compliment?
Anyway, you need to either accept that you can really have one or the other, as ALC said, or try and find someone who is willing to strike a balance. Just remember that communication is absolutely KEY with that type of woman, because she knows what she wants and who she is, and be damned if any man is going to try and change that.
I advise every man to yank on a pair of women's underpants at least once, strut around, and chant "Whatchoo get fo' ten dolla'? ANYTING you want!" in front of their significant other. The Tweedsies in particular would benefit from this therapy.
"Hey you pretty lady..."
"Whatchoo gonna get fo' ten dolla?"
"...I you sexy GIRLFRIEND!"
"ANYTING you waaant!"
I think I have a "Super Star!" thong laying around that might fit him. Of course, he'd need to ask permission first...
Yeah, thought THAT was gonna be an a\/etar
SuperSTAH!!!
(curtsey)