Healthy Sex Support Group

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Can a guy tell you have been abused

MaryContrary
MaryContrary

By the way you act when you meet?  I seem to put out a vibe that I don't want sex but I crave it.  When I was very young and at grandparents house summer before I was 2yo, this man came in the house and tore my clothes off.  I screamed and the adults came in and stopped him. But that was a trauma I will never forget. I told what happened to a police detective friend and he said it was molestation.  I had no idea while growing up. 


I never learned to cling to a guy or crawl all over him.  I thought I was just being a lady.  A bit reserved.  Can this be what is wrong with me and not being able to have a meaningful relationship?  


There was one older man in my past I trusted enough to let him have his way but he is long gone.  I do remember his gentleness and caring.  There were times when I was young that I didn't want to be touched and was very guarded.  I even wore pantihose to bed.  Now I am much past that and don't wear any undies.  I feel free but something must still be there or I would not keep losing great guys.


What are your thoughts?

BrokenEye
BrokenEye
From a personal position, I couldn't tell unless you told me or were over protective of your personal space, but any man worth his salt wouldn't invade that space anyway, unless you are tense , that can show in your voice, a sense of trepidation can keep people away for fear of upsetting you, or the fear of triggering a crazy person, this is only my experience which is not that extensive.
MaryContrary
MaryContrary
I am a very outgoing personality so I can't understand why I give off that vibe.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Very easy for me to tell and I assume for most men.

It all depends on if you ever healed from that childhood trauma. A woman who has never healed might be smothering or clingy because she is so afraid of losing the man. Trauma victims who have never healed, tend to blame themselves for what happened when they were a child and as a result of that blame, they do not love themselves so they are always looking for approval or validation from those around them because they are not able to give it to themselves.

Another thing they will do is that they will want sex all the time. Sex becomes like anti depressent medication. They hurt so much inside with the fears and the guilt over unhealed childhood sex trauma that they feel they need the sex to temporily numb the emotional pain.

There are just a few but there are more. If you want to know, pm me.

God Bless
MaryContrary
MaryContrary
Thank you
koolman
koolman
The older man who is "long gone": Did he leave? Move away due to a change of job? Die? He sounds like a keeper.
MaryContrary
MaryContrary
I have not seen the older man in a very long time. Not sure if he is still in the area. He is also of another culture and religion.
Les-THAN-zero
Les-THAN-zero
Every ones different of course, but it's all about body language when you first meet someone new. If a girl recoils if I try to give them a cheek to say "hello" my first instinct is somethings a miss here. During the course of the conversation I try to find out where she's at emotionally. Do we have a connection beyond the physical attraction that lead us to the date in the first place.

Her reaction to my greeting could very well mean a million things. The best thing I think is not to over react, just go with the flow.
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