Healthy Sex Support Group

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A Question???

downandout101
downandout101

Several people here at DS, know my wife passed away not too long ago. I have a question and I hope it doesn't make people reach for a barf bag. My libido is begining to return and I have been feeling like I would be disloyal to her if I even, well, uhm, took things into my own hands (if you get my drift). What the hell is wrong with me? She is gone...that is a fact. This brings up another topic. When I see a woman that catches my fancy, I find myself looking at her with well, you know...it is like a lust in my body!! Am I just a horny 58 year old terd, lonely or just plain nasty? I find myself even entertaining the idea of (gulp) getting back out there. My problem is who the hell wants a 58 year old widower? At my age finding someone who interests me and me her would be impossible; I mean look at me...a combination of YUCCCCK and YIIIIKES!. My grand-daughter asked me,"Pop-pop, with Nani gone are you going to have rendez-vous (her words, not mine) with ladies?" As soon as I really thought about that, I thought, dating someone, let alone having sex would be a betrayal to my wife, myself and a disgrace to my family. That would be an infamnia (Italian for a disgrace). I am serious because this is a real dilemma for me. 

downandout101
downandout101
I am not as naughty as the rest of you...I am WORSE! The one thing we never did was body shame our children. If they came into a room inappropriately dressed or nude, we simply re-directed them. We never said ewww or gross. No you're not bad.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
Haha. I don't know? You may be surprised. (wink, wink)
downandout101
downandout101
Oh, dear veggie...you are so bad...tsk, tsk, tsk!
calirn13
calirn13
They have Catholic dating sites.. if that’s the way you want to go.. if not there are other types of sites too
wanttobehappy
wanttobehappy
I haven’t read all the comments but I hope you know that age is nothing! My nana dated up to the point that cancer grew in her! She was having more sex then her daughter! (Not my mum but my aunt, well possibly even my mum too to be honest). And to be completely honest there is nothing wrong with paying for it. It’s legal here not sure if it is where you are. But if you’re uncomfortable take things into your own hands until you’re ready to meet new people. If you and you’re late wife talked about life after a death (hers or yours) and she was happy with you moving on then do so in your own time. As you’ve said she is gone it’s a fact, if your kids can’t be happy with what makes you happy then cross that bridge when you get there otherwise live your life.

My condolences. Be honest with yourself and things will work out
onebrokenheart
onebrokenheart
I am a widow. I have found love with a widower. He was raised Catholic and had every intention of never having another person in his life unless they were just a play toy. However I'm not one to be a play toy and he found he could not go back to his carefree use em and leave em ways he had had in his youth. It's been a journey for us both. I'm not conflicted with finding another soul mate. He has. He confided he felt disloyal to the marriage. He feels the marriage continues on into death. So a lot of confussion for him. Here is my advice, go to the widows and widower forum here on DS. There is even one called widow and widowers of faith. Take a lot of time before a relationship. Probably at least 3 years. There are grief emotions you have not even begun to experience yet. Grief is like an onion, it has many layers.
You need time before you throw a relationship or sex into your life.
koolman
koolman
Who wants a 58-year-old widower? How about a 58-year-old WIDOW!

While it's quite natural to continue to feel those "urges" after the loss of your wife, I would focus on forming a FRIENDSHIP with somebody, male or female, to help soothe that dark, forlorn state of grief. SLEEP is probably more important than sex at this point. Then, when you're sufficiently well-rested and bored, do take matters into your own hand or start looking for sex.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
Oh Koolman-- you are killing me here. I can see you pulling out that rocker on the porch for me. I am not a widow, but still married (very unhappily) and have been for far too long.

Not to worry-- I have recently decided I might as well give up on wants and needs-- and finding a companion who wants to spend time and still wants sex. I look forward to my freedom--- the rocker-- those cats-- and my amped up wand (provided I don't fry another one. lol) (would have preferred a caring sexy man too ! Did I shock you?) lol
onebrokenheart
onebrokenheart
Veggiequeen, I saw on the widow widowers forum your post about becoming a widow just one week ago. My condolences to you.