Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. This is my second marriage and in my first marriage it was not uncommon to have sex 3 times a day and a wide variety of ways. My current husband and I started out ok but he is not adventerous and likes it one of three ways. Then a year and a half ago, I found emails on his computer from another man that he had found on craigslist under the men seeking men section. I confronted him and he appologized and said that it was just curiousity and he would never have followed through. Then about 8 months ago, I found a gay porn site in the history on the computer ( we have a 12 year old son so I keep track of the history and where he has gone.) My husband gave me some story about looking for a wrecking yard and it just came up.
Within the last 4 months, he has now started having trouble getting an errection and keeping it long enough for any fun. He of coarse says that it is my fault, that I don't seem into it enough and he is now afraid of disappointing me. I am sooooo frustrated that I am ready to attack the next man who can keep it up. lol not really but I would like to have sex sometime soon
Within the last 4 months, he has now started having trouble getting an errection and keeping it long enough for any fun. He of coarse says that it is my fault, that I don't seem into it enough and he is now afraid of disappointing me. I am sooooo frustrated that I am ready to attack the next man who can keep it up. lol not really but I would like to have sex sometime soon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
1) men seeking men ad (he said he was just curious, it would never happen again)
2) gay porn site (just a coincidence?)
3) can't get it up for you
4) blame -- says it's YOUR fault
Something isn't right here...
idk what to say. Relationships are a two-way street. You can't be doing all this work if you aren't getting anything in return. I mean, you can try...but it'll only be hard on you. You'll be the only one stressing.
Outright ask him if he rather be with a man. Ask him, if I were a man, would you be having trouble getting it up??
Comparing lovers is always a difficult exercise because people are so different. People also change throughout their lives. Keep in mind that both you and your partner are older than your first relationship.
Also beware of the unfortunate tendency for people not to confront things directly. Like maybe he has a physical ED problem and is afraid to attempt sex with you. After a while it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is pretty awful for most men because we are pretty sure you will think we're wimps, gay, or whatever. Our worst fear (I say our because I had/have ED but dealt with it) is that you'll think things like you said in your post, that you would find someone who could keep it up.
When I had ED issues and was not dealing with it, I avoided sex. Porn (not gay in my case) became my friend because I could have sex with myself, have an orgasm without an erection, and not face what I thought would be certain humiliation.
So there's lots to consider. The gay porn thing does seem to indicate he is sexually aroused by men. That is one issue and it may or may not be associated with why he is not performing with you. He may think it's easier to be with a guy if he has ED because guys understand it better and he wouldn't have an emotional connection.
Bottom line is it takes two to tango and if he won't actively participate in counseling then you may need to consider leaving. You probably need to think about where that might go. If he is gay, would you split. If he is very bi, would you split. If he is a little bi, would you split. Would you do a threesome with him and another man. These are all things you can discuss with him before he agrees to counseling that means something. He may think his options are more limited than they are.