Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
Okay so this use to be THE place when I started on DS a trillion years ago...and now I could use some really good advice..
There was a post a few days ago about FWB..and oddly at the same time I get a phone call from an X-FWB whom I fell in love with and needless to say he didn't love me back..SHOCKER.
Anyway I wrote this letter and haven't sent it yet...and well I want some people's thoughts on it and whether I should send it or not...
Dear You:
Ihave a lot to say to you but am not sure I could ever say it directly to your face. Remember the last letter I wrote you. I do. It was me begging and pleding with you, making my self look like a fool. I don't blame you for making myself look like a fool, I blame my self for that.
As a matter of fact I don't blame you for much, but I also can't forgive the things you did to me. But then again is that really your fault? We were adults, we made the decision as adults. We can't blame childhood or innocence on it. HAHA there was nothing innocent about any of it was it?
You say you still think about and it makes you happy and horny. You say that you like to jack off while thinking about all the things we used to do. I don't know whether to take offense or be flattered. Sure it is flattering to know that a former lover still thinks that fondly of you after 7 years. 7 years this month as a matter of fact. 7 years is a long time to still want something. The bigger question on my mind is WHY?
I mean come on now, it isn't like you have didn't move on rather quickly after it ended and wasn't getting any from other people. I was just a side note to begin with, something to use until something else better came along. I pretended to be okay with that, in hopes you would see that what I had to offer was something great and worth all your time, not just your convience. I guess I was wrong, right?
How did it become okay with me for you to treat me that way? Was I so starved for attention that I needed you? Did I truly feel like I wasn't worth better? I guess at that time I didn't. Glad I have learned my lesson, despite the fact I had to learn it the hard way. I know now I deserve better and you aren't it. It doesn't matter if you think he isn't good enough for me, he is the one that picked me up and put me back together the best he knew how. Something you didn't bother to do.
You had your chance at love. You had your chance at happiness and family. I would have done anything for you because I loved you. I wanted to be your wife and the mother to your children. I wanted you. Too bad you didn't want the whole me. You only wanted one part of me.
I am glad you can look back on those two years and remember it with fondness and want it back, it is flattering to know I am memorable, but I don't view it that way anymore. I look back on it and see things I don't like about my self. The beginning of horrible habits that I am still paying for today. That time didn't help me build self esteem, if anything it made it worse.
I can't go back and change the things I did, but I know that the future me can say NO. I won't allow you to have control of me anymore.
I hope you have a really good life and you find some happiness with her or whoever, but I will be a distant memory in the back of your mind and nothing more ever.
Sara.
I thinking i should send to get him to walk away from me....Any thoughts?
There was a post a few days ago about FWB..and oddly at the same time I get a phone call from an X-FWB whom I fell in love with and needless to say he didn't love me back..SHOCKER.
Anyway I wrote this letter and haven't sent it yet...and well I want some people's thoughts on it and whether I should send it or not...
Dear You:
Ihave a lot to say to you but am not sure I could ever say it directly to your face. Remember the last letter I wrote you. I do. It was me begging and pleding with you, making my self look like a fool. I don't blame you for making myself look like a fool, I blame my self for that.
As a matter of fact I don't blame you for much, but I also can't forgive the things you did to me. But then again is that really your fault? We were adults, we made the decision as adults. We can't blame childhood or innocence on it. HAHA there was nothing innocent about any of it was it?
You say you still think about and it makes you happy and horny. You say that you like to jack off while thinking about all the things we used to do. I don't know whether to take offense or be flattered. Sure it is flattering to know that a former lover still thinks that fondly of you after 7 years. 7 years this month as a matter of fact. 7 years is a long time to still want something. The bigger question on my mind is WHY?
I mean come on now, it isn't like you have didn't move on rather quickly after it ended and wasn't getting any from other people. I was just a side note to begin with, something to use until something else better came along. I pretended to be okay with that, in hopes you would see that what I had to offer was something great and worth all your time, not just your convience. I guess I was wrong, right?
How did it become okay with me for you to treat me that way? Was I so starved for attention that I needed you? Did I truly feel like I wasn't worth better? I guess at that time I didn't. Glad I have learned my lesson, despite the fact I had to learn it the hard way. I know now I deserve better and you aren't it. It doesn't matter if you think he isn't good enough for me, he is the one that picked me up and put me back together the best he knew how. Something you didn't bother to do.
You had your chance at love. You had your chance at happiness and family. I would have done anything for you because I loved you. I wanted to be your wife and the mother to your children. I wanted you. Too bad you didn't want the whole me. You only wanted one part of me.
I am glad you can look back on those two years and remember it with fondness and want it back, it is flattering to know I am memorable, but I don't view it that way anymore. I look back on it and see things I don't like about my self. The beginning of horrible habits that I am still paying for today. That time didn't help me build self esteem, if anything it made it worse.
I can't go back and change the things I did, but I know that the future me can say NO. I won't allow you to have control of me anymore.
I hope you have a really good life and you find some happiness with her or whoever, but I will be a distant memory in the back of your mind and nothing more ever.
Sara.
I thinking i should send to get him to walk away from me....Any thoughts?
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So mad at Xfinity! They're trying to charge me $115 per month for the same service I had been paying $50 the last four years. I took the equipment to UPS for shipping and cancelled my subscription today! Next door was a cookie shop called Crumbl. I had heard of it before but never went in until today. I don't need one more sugar fix, but maybe it will help with my sad) grieving heart....$15...
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
And for the record am not TROLL been here many years - just so everyone knows
When all of your physical needs are met and you are comfortable, your emotional needs can start to drive your behavior and you will actively seek your top emotional need. For some people, that need is sex. For othersit is affection or companionship. Don't mistake your urge to fufill an emotional need as a physical need. They aren't the same thing. While I agree that meeting your emtional needs can have a positive affect on you physically (as leather noted), the same thing can be said of having a good laugh or spending a day playing with your kids in the park, or walking down a tropical beach at sunset. The change in your emotional state can have a profound affect on your physical health.
I know from experience that having lousy sex does just the opposite. It makes you depressed, it made me more susceptable to getting sick, and I was miserable. So the act of having sex in and of itself is not what does it .... it is the emotional connection of that act and the physical benefits that result from a good emotional state.
Wow, sossie, put yourself in a tough spot there. Obviously your love and passion for him is what MAKES the sex so hot (for both of you). But he has maintained the concept of divorcing the pure animal lust and friction from the emotional side of the act, whereas you, sadly could not hold up your end of the bargain. It's OK, we're all human and the heart is frail.
Don't beat yourself up too bad; you're human. Just work on you now. It's good that you write these letters, even if just to yourself. Maybe copy/paste it to your journal here!