Welcome to the board Emerald..... These are tough times on top of grief and some relationship problems

I live with a dear friend and have done for about 8 years..... I have found that we never fight because we treat one another with respect and don't want a breakdown in our living arrangements

I think I would have done a lot better in marriage if I'd treated my husband as I treat my friend

Shouting will just put a wall up and becoming distant won't solve any problems

Perhaps a word to halt a fight in the making can be a safe word for you both to take a breath and if you need to take a reasonable break to have a calm discussion at a later date

So if your SO starts shouting and you say 'ouch' for instance it can perhaps interrupt a potential argument? and when things are calm you can revisit a reasonable discussion

Maybe you can both have a sit down and discuss what you both deem a reasonable way to have healthy discussions... and what steps you should make if either of you are getting upset during a discussion in order to disagree fairly

A bereavement online group might be a good place for your wife right now and a RL might be a good support for her once this virus is contained

Big hug.... I wish you well.....xo

Thank you, I appreciate your help

From my experience, maintaining a relationship through grief boils down to a whole lot of patience. You're right- her moods will likely be unpredictable and hard to deal with at times. I would suggest being there for her and making sure she knows that it is okay to talk to you about how she feels and that you're the shoulder she can cry on. I've found that a little bit of spontaneity can break up the day and distract people from those difficult feelings. For instance, if the weather is nice, maybe decorate the backyard and throw a surprise backyard picnic complete with her favorite music. It won't change anything in the long run, but little things to take her mind off her grief temporarily will make her feel happier in the short term. That being said, it can be exhausting trying to carry another through their grief. Make sure to take time for yourself and keep yourself in a good head space.

Trying to help anyone through grief can be hard. I know you can do it though. Sometimes while communicating verbally can be hard it's often not so hard to sit down and write a letter and express what's going on. I've seen where people just leave little sticky notes around the house. My stepsister was dating this guy years ago and she was having a bad day. He got to our house before she did and was hanging out for a while. He kept coming out of her bedroom and grabbing paper, crayons and tape. He made her this huge sign that said " I love you" and hung it across her window. It was silly but it made her feel better. I've seen the little positive notes on the bathroom mirror. On the fridge. Simple things like that. Verbal communication is important as well but maybe on the days that you feel that you can not verbally tell her what's going on that something as simple as a letter might work. It does here more and less right?

Those are all excellent ideas, and one of my personal favorites is touch. Maybe you can't find the words to say on paper or they avoid your tongue, so maybe instead just sit by her and hold her hand, put your hand on her leg, Just a little something that's none invasive but says everything you want her to know. Doing things around the house could help to. Do dishes or laundry, make a surprise dinner. If you go out shopping get her some flowers or candy or even maybe just a card. These gestures aren't much, but they can mean the world to someone who has been struggling with a relationship and then is struggling with loss.

As for the trying not to yell and wall up at each other, something me and my boyfriend some times do, though we aren't great at communicating, is if a topic is brought up that we can't be rational about we'll say we can't talk about it right now because we want to have a calm and rational conversation about it. I understand withdrawing if you're yelled at, but always try to understand where she is coming from when she is yelling as she should understand why you wall up and retreat when she yells.

Relationships are never easy and lack of communication is one of the most damaging things to a relationship. Even if it seems like it's petty, if it's really bothering you, or her, you should them. Just bring it up calmly so that way if there was a misunderstanding or if they didn't know they're doing it, it can be corrected before it becomes a problem. Love, affection, respect and personal space are your best friends.

Best of luck to the both of you

Thank you everyone for your help.