Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Research has found that there are three different attachment types:
SECURE: You find it relatively easy to get close to others and are comfortable depending on them and having them depend on you. You don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to you.
AVOIDANT: You are somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; you find it difficult to trust them, difficult to allow yourself to depend on them. You are nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want you to be more intimate than you feel comfortable being.
ANXIOUS: You find that others are reluctant to get as close to you as you would like, you often worry that your partner doesn't really love you or won't want to stay with you. You want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.
Attachment types tend to gravitate more to their like kind although secure types are more broad in choice, one in two will attract to same type with the other one in two attracting to one of the other two types.
Attachment type is established in infancy with the mother being primarily responsible for.
Now the big question is, what attachment type do you consider yourself to be?
SECURE: You find it relatively easy to get close to others and are comfortable depending on them and having them depend on you. You don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to you.
AVOIDANT: You are somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; you find it difficult to trust them, difficult to allow yourself to depend on them. You are nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want you to be more intimate than you feel comfortable being.
ANXIOUS: You find that others are reluctant to get as close to you as you would like, you often worry that your partner doesn't really love you or won't want to stay with you. You want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.
Attachment types tend to gravitate more to their like kind although secure types are more broad in choice, one in two will attract to same type with the other one in two attracting to one of the other two types.
Attachment type is established in infancy with the mother being primarily responsible for.
Now the big question is, what attachment type do you consider yourself to be?
Cos none of those three really work for me...
The secure type sounds good to me with the disclaimer that the people trying to get close to me are strict followers of The Golden Rule, because if they aren't... I'm going to turn into the Avoidant type really fast! lol
I'm first avoidant, then anxious, and, if we've made it past the anxious phase, then secure.
With women, usually I'M the secure one, secure in my soul and sexuality, secure that I like her, find her attractive, and SHE'S the one who is avoidant, then anxious! The dark side, the Devil in me, oozes out when I find a woman attractive, I smile at her, this darkness in my soul emerges, and it scares her off! I've begun to laugh off the constant rejection and even enjoy scaring women. As I get older and uglier, continue to work out to have body bulk, looking even more like Mr. Clean or an albino Incredible Hulk, this will no doubt become even worse.
Ill admit it!
Now I am the avoidant one. Don't let anyone near me lol...Have not had a date in over a year...
I am most definitely capable of a loving, close relationship, but to be honest, I just can't find any man capable of reciprocating that! I don't expect a lot, I think, I'm ok going a few days without communicating, I don't nag, pick fights, but the guys usually pass me up for a challenge (damsel in distress, and no I am not ugly, I think).
Life can be so unfair, here I am a nice person, am easy going, loyal, have healthy self esteem, I am compassionate and empathetic and am resigned to living the rest of my life on my own, and yes I am neither attractive nor rich (two key traits to living happily ever after), I did have so much going for me, or so it seemed.
As I came to realize, if one relationship doesn't work out,
I have plenty of options. I don't need a relationship to be happy,
But it just so happens that there is always someone around wanting to spend time with me and one Thing leads to another..