Healthy Relationships Support Group

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What’s normal?

Dragonfly2
Dragonfly2

my husband and I (second marriage for both) have been together 7 years. We have been on the Rocks for awhile, fighting, fighting and more fighting. We just started counseling and the first two sessions were fighting. My husband though, when he loses his temper, he says horrible things: like above and beyond what I think should ever happen. He’s always sorry : you know I don’t mean stuff I say when I’m angry. But isn’t there a line? I am gutted and then he’s like let’s pretend nothing happened. Is anyone else experiencing this?

patti22
patti22
Yes. But some people never learn it.

Wishing you luck with the therapy, Patti
ScorpionNM
ScorpionNM
For what it's worth, I don't think that you should stay with your husband because it's not good for anyone to be in a volatile relationship. Too stressful.
11Christmases
11Christmases
Here is a start:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/15-common-forms-verbal-abuse-in-relationships
koolman
koolman
What is normal? Who the hell knows...
Gutted
Gutted
Your husband never learned to fight fair. It's common trait with men who were brought up in a competitive environment were winning is everything. It's considered manly to dominate that way when guys interact with each other.

He needs to modify his fighting style for sure. If he can't manage this, then you will probably need to move on. This is no way to live.
rmb
rmb
Are you addressing this specific issue in your therapy sessions?
Dragonfly2
Dragonfly2
We haven’t gotten that far yet, but I plan to. Really don’t want a second divorce
Tiphbow
Tiphbow
Omg...I can do relate! My husband struggles with this. He deus he does to shut me up. If he says something that really hurts me then I retreat because I'm too hurt.
Basically he wants to win or just wants to end the fight in a way that will keep you from starting it up again.
Cubanlover
Cubanlover
Been there. Now happily divorced. I deserve better. Life is so short. It was a little rough financially at first but now I wake up in peace. Peace all day especially the holidays.
Mom22Feb
Mom22Feb
Every marriage has struggles and issues to work through and you are taking steps to change old patterns. Give it some time and focus on any improvements. You both came from unhealthy marriages and you are bringing that into your relationship. He needs to know how unloving and disrespectful his words are and I pray he will make needed changes and that you both will extend mercy, grace and grace to each other when you mess up. Anger management classes may be advisable as well. Married for 32 years and I have learned a few things. If you are both committed to making your marriage work there is always hope. True love is unselfish and others centered.
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