Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Im a 23 yo who is a pathological liar, kleptomaniac, domestic abuser, sodamiser, narsasist with a very short temper. At least these are what i came to the conclusion of being. But first ill start at the begining. I have always been told by my parents that i have one of the biggest hearts they know of. Whether it was helping an elderly person load their car at the grocery store, or droping a 20 in the hand of a homeless person on the street corner. I have always been a social outcast in school since i had adhd. The isolation did not do me justice. I always craved acknowledgement. I remember back to 2nd grade i would literaly throw away my FULLY COMPLETED homework before class then make up some outlandish excuse just to get attention. The lying evolved into a daily habit. Yet at the time i had no clue i was even doing it. now skipping ahead a few years i had met a girl who showed me nothing but love and adoration. The type of woman that any man is lucky to have. 6 years and two beautiful baby girls she gave me. i on the other hand lied from day one, and every one of those lies she exposed and i didnt comprehend that i was lying. It made me mad, i mean $6000+ in damages, get kicked out of your mobile home mad. That violence started getting directed at her first screaming then threats then handcuffs in the back of a squad car for giving her a bloody nose. I got so bad that i went as far as rape. Yet even after that she still is giving me a chance to try to change but im realising the problem isnt as simple as i had origanaly hoped. Please help something needs to change or im doomed in life
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
It always goes back to childhood. You may not remember or recognize the cause now, but usually you will find it when you think about it for a while and with help of a therapist.
Most people with ADHD are brilliant, so I have no doubt you will succeed.
Attention seeking usually comes from some sort of disapproval or rejection by the parents. Sometimes parents may do something unintentional, that causes a chain of events.
For example - when I was 4 my mother came over for visitation and I was waiting for it for a very long time. I wanted to play with her, so I kept doing circles around her and trying to get her attention, but she was talking to my grandmother. She got annoyed and told me to get away from her and that I was annoying her.
This had significance on the rest of my life and it is only one interaction I remember, I m sure there were others I don’t.
You probably have something that happened as well.
All I know is that normal parents usually produce normal children. It is very rare that a child is born with the kind of issues you have and nothing was wrong.
I hope you find your way and heal.
In my personal opinion, what other people think is wrong with me is pretty close to irrelevant. Outside opinions can offer valuable insight, but my dysfunctions and psychoses (pl) remain mine to sort and remedy. Healing remains an inside job that I have to tackle according to my own needs and senses. Nobody can heal for me, no matter how accurate their insights are.
But emotional/therapy support can make one hell of a diff in the process. One of my personal dysfunctions is the drive to be so independent that I isolate far beyond what humans are hard-wired to be. Active participation in my peer support network ends that unhealthy isolation while opening my heart and mind to healing potentials.
I hope you find such support here, Daredevil. Welcome aboard.
While she may be willing to give you another chance...
Are YOU willing to risk it?
Put another way...if the you had a car that's brakes would go out every 100 times you drove it...would you risk driving that car on the highway when it could mean your life?
Because that's what's at risk. You could spend your life in jail...and that's not fun.
My advice...take 2-3 years to get this under control BEFORE you try being in a relationship or living with someone else again. Work. Support your kids. Visit with them in a safe location. But stay away from all alcohol and drugs. Do whatever it takes to get yourself some Domestic Violence Offender therapy.
That is NOT the same as "anger management".
If at all possible I would see your doctor and ask for a psych referral so a diagnosis can be made if there is one to make and a referral to appropriate therapy can be made
I agree as well with what Patti has written.... DS is a good site.... I'm glad that you've found us.... Big hug
https://psychcentral.com/disorders/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms/
As to what patti22 said, i have 6 years and a strike staring me in the face. So i know all too well about those being fellonies. And i am supposed to be in batterers intervention at the marjory mason center. These habits that i have are undermining everything i want out of life
Your children are learning how to be in the world in a big part from you..... What do you want their lives to be like?
You can develop new 'habits' with some work and therapy..... Your life can change...... Big hug......xo
I'm sure there must be big abandonment issues/pain that you need help to deal with and I'm so sorry that this happened to you.....
We all carry a child within..... The child that we were and there may be some healing that may need to happen
You may also have some complex PTSD? perhaps due to abandonment ?
Child abandonment is huge for the child and trust must be really hard for you
I'm throwing these things out not to confuse you or make you feel worse but to say there are reasons for why things are the way they are and there is help and healing to be had if you're willing to work at it
It needs to be diagnosed "If" you have one..... There may be medications that can help.... coping skills and therapy....
Try not to despair there is help for you however you're going to have to reach out for it and work at being well..... xo
This is some info on Complex Trauma..... The PTSD board here is really good and supportive and there are several members who suffer from this
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder