Healthy Relationships Support Group
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It still could be a great relationship. I don't know. I also don't know why I'm not communicating with him.
A little history....on March 5th I'll have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. We have been official and became boyfriend/girlfriend and started into a serious relationship on January 18th. That was also when I believe he told me loved me for the first time. He said it during sex....that he loved me, and that he meant it. Things were going really well since then. I met his sister and step mom (Breifly as I gave them a ride to the basketball game we were all going to watch-his brothers game) and he also asked if I'd want to get married again (I'm separated and getting a divorce). When I told him I would he said he was glad. A few weeks ago we talked about me lending him my vehicle and borrowing my moms who passed away in November since his truck broke down. He asked if my dad or sister even knew I was seeing someone and I said yes. He's like do they know my name? I said yes. He's like when do I get to meet some of your family or friends? You've met a bunch of mine (but like I said it was all very brief except his best friend who we hang out with a lot). He's like I must not be important to you (he was joking). I said he would and when it comes to my friends we usually hang out in big groups and he's like no thanks!
So since around the 15 of February things have been weird. Even more weird this past weekend. I took him to a nice resort for Valentine's Day and we stayed 1 night. We bought stuff for dinner and some drinks and then checked in. We had sex right away and it was hot and just like usual. His penis was hurting after which is normal over the past 2 months or so (he's not circumcised and it seemed to have gotten irritated and it hasn't been able to heal properly because of us continuing to have sex or him masturbating). It hurt after and I think he stayed away from me to avoid getting turned on. There was no more intimacy the rest of our stay including the morning. When we checked out he thanked me and kissed me. We talked like normal after that for a few days but other than him asking my work schedule, we never made plans. He had a busy week at school coming up and had lots of homework and he was preparing a lot so that was fine. He saw his friend twice though and I guess he saw me twice too if I think about it. We made plans for Saturday night (the 20th). I finally got a "love u too" the night before when we made our plans and were saying goodnight. He said he wanted to have sex right away but we never ended up having sex at all and all we did was have dinner and watch tv. He said he was feeling not good and depressed about his life. So he left. We talked the next day and he didn't seem himself. He still called me Hun and sent me kissy faces goodnight. Last Monday I asked if he was free Wednesday night and he said he'd know Tuesday as he might be seeing his tutor Wednesday. I said ok, just wondered how you felt about meeting me dad and sister. His reply was "I will have to think about that to be honest". My heart sunk but he still sent me kisses that night. I had said "I love u" a few times with nothing back since Feb 19th so I've stopped. We had made plans to go to Nanaimo Friday night (this past Friday) and that happened. His brother was playing basketball in a tournament (he's in high school still-his half brother) and we went with his best friend too. We took 2 different cars cuz they were going skiing Sunday. Originally when we made plans I said I could go with them and he's like well you don't ski and we might want it to be a boys thing. Fair enough. The plan was for me to come back after Saturday nights game. I was tired and wanted to stay at the hotel with them that night too and leave in the morning. My BF seemed slightly irritated by that when his friend mentioned it on the drive home. While away for the weekend I got a brief kiss and hug when we met up and a brief kiss and hug when we parted ways. I felt like every time I tried to touch my guy he pulled away. He started to grab my tits and initiate sex while in bed in the am on Saturday while his friend was in the bathroom. It was quick but hot. We went for a hike and I'm overweight so I struggled climbing back up....he took a pic of me on the beach twice and waited for me while I climbed up the stairs. At dinner he sat near the isle and I assumed he didn't want to sit with me so I went on the other side and he's like "you want to sit beside Jeremy?" I said no, I want to sit beside you so he got up and let me in. He mentioned I still needed to see his Hawaii pics and at night stuck up for me when Jeremy was bothering me. At his brothers game he had Jeremy sit in the middle so I wasn't beside my BF. At night he asked me to move over a little in the bed which made me a bit sad. I feel like he was staring at his phone a lot. He is pretty possessive of his phone anyways. I noticed him texting someone while we lay in bed in the am and the message had hearts and faces (kiss faces I'm not sure) but he didn't hide it from me and it was likely his sister who tells him she loves him a lot. I also looked at his phone when he was in the shower and saw a few girls names and an email address as a contact that had the words sweatheart and hon in it but also something about thanks for the update and have fun- I think it's his mom. I didn't open the texts as many hadn't been read yet. The second morning that I wasn't supposed to be there his friend went to breakfast (we got up around 8) and my BF started foreplay again and kissing me while his friend was in the room but it was dark still and his friend was oblivious. He finally left and we had sex but it wasn't like normal. There was kissing but no I love yous or I love being inside you. He pulled out to masturbate (normal as I'm not on birth control but soon will be-I know still unsafe) and normally he pulls me close and kisses my while he cums but he had his arm blocking me and stopped quickly and gave up. I asked if he was ok and he said yes and asked me the same. I lied and said I was ok but I felt kinda used to be honest. Maybe he was hurting as he pulled on his foreskin like he does often. He got up to shower, took his phone and he probably jerked off in the bathroom I don't know. Then he came out and pretty much kept his towel on while he got dressed then went to meet his friend but asked if I needed anything first. He asked if I was coming down and I said maybe but there was only half and hour left till they closed it. Anyway he defended me at breakfast when his friend said my machine (I have a cpap machine-4 weeks now) was making noises. We went back to the room and they atarted packing deciding to ski in the afternoon and we had a mini nap. He woke me up by nudging me a little saying wake up Hun. When we said goodbye I helped pay for the room and he said thanks Hun and we briefly kissed goodbye and he said he'd talk to me later. He never texted me though. I texted him Sunday night just to thank him for the weekend and said I hoped he had fun skiing. Then Monday afternoon I just said "hey you, how are you doing?". He said he was fine and out with his grandparents and asked if he could text me that night. It was 11 and I still never heard from him so I texted him and he said he was busy at his desk organizing his week which took awhile. (He's like that, very organized so that was totally fine). We said goodnight after a few back and forth texts on how our days were but I got no kissy face or Hun. He wished me a good night and sleep. I couldn't sleep and asked him if I could hang out with him today. He texted me this morning and said he was busy doing stuff today so he wouldn't have time to hang out but that he had an appointment at 3 tomorrow and after that we could hang out if that worked. Okay....that was very long, it all came out. He always told me open communication was key and he values that. He gets in funks as he does suffer from anxiety and depression. Sometimes he gets down and wants to be alone. He was hurt by a cheater in the past and hurt by someone saying he was the only one when he wasn't. I've asked during his funks if it was me and he said no. He always said if I did anything he'd tell me....so do you think he's lost interest? Would a guy still see you or string you along if he were going to break up with you? Would he have sex with you if he had doubts? Do you think he could be going through something or feeling overwhelmed with his feelings or our relationship?
A little history....on March 5th I'll have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. We have been official and became boyfriend/girlfriend and started into a serious relationship on January 18th. That was also when I believe he told me loved me for the first time. He said it during sex....that he loved me, and that he meant it. Things were going really well since then. I met his sister and step mom (Breifly as I gave them a ride to the basketball game we were all going to watch-his brothers game) and he also asked if I'd want to get married again (I'm separated and getting a divorce). When I told him I would he said he was glad. A few weeks ago we talked about me lending him my vehicle and borrowing my moms who passed away in November since his truck broke down. He asked if my dad or sister even knew I was seeing someone and I said yes. He's like do they know my name? I said yes. He's like when do I get to meet some of your family or friends? You've met a bunch of mine (but like I said it was all very brief except his best friend who we hang out with a lot). He's like I must not be important to you (he was joking). I said he would and when it comes to my friends we usually hang out in big groups and he's like no thanks!
So since around the 15 of February things have been weird. Even more weird this past weekend. I took him to a nice resort for Valentine's Day and we stayed 1 night. We bought stuff for dinner and some drinks and then checked in. We had sex right away and it was hot and just like usual. His penis was hurting after which is normal over the past 2 months or so (he's not circumcised and it seemed to have gotten irritated and it hasn't been able to heal properly because of us continuing to have sex or him masturbating). It hurt after and I think he stayed away from me to avoid getting turned on. There was no more intimacy the rest of our stay including the morning. When we checked out he thanked me and kissed me. We talked like normal after that for a few days but other than him asking my work schedule, we never made plans. He had a busy week at school coming up and had lots of homework and he was preparing a lot so that was fine. He saw his friend twice though and I guess he saw me twice too if I think about it. We made plans for Saturday night (the 20th). I finally got a "love u too" the night before when we made our plans and were saying goodnight. He said he wanted to have sex right away but we never ended up having sex at all and all we did was have dinner and watch tv. He said he was feeling not good and depressed about his life. So he left. We talked the next day and he didn't seem himself. He still called me Hun and sent me kissy faces goodnight. Last Monday I asked if he was free Wednesday night and he said he'd know Tuesday as he might be seeing his tutor Wednesday. I said ok, just wondered how you felt about meeting me dad and sister. His reply was "I will have to think about that to be honest". My heart sunk but he still sent me kisses that night. I had said "I love u" a few times with nothing back since Feb 19th so I've stopped. We had made plans to go to Nanaimo Friday night (this past Friday) and that happened. His brother was playing basketball in a tournament (he's in high school still-his half brother) and we went with his best friend too. We took 2 different cars cuz they were going skiing Sunday. Originally when we made plans I said I could go with them and he's like well you don't ski and we might want it to be a boys thing. Fair enough. The plan was for me to come back after Saturday nights game. I was tired and wanted to stay at the hotel with them that night too and leave in the morning. My BF seemed slightly irritated by that when his friend mentioned it on the drive home. While away for the weekend I got a brief kiss and hug when we met up and a brief kiss and hug when we parted ways. I felt like every time I tried to touch my guy he pulled away. He started to grab my tits and initiate sex while in bed in the am on Saturday while his friend was in the bathroom. It was quick but hot. We went for a hike and I'm overweight so I struggled climbing back up....he took a pic of me on the beach twice and waited for me while I climbed up the stairs. At dinner he sat near the isle and I assumed he didn't want to sit with me so I went on the other side and he's like "you want to sit beside Jeremy?" I said no, I want to sit beside you so he got up and let me in. He mentioned I still needed to see his Hawaii pics and at night stuck up for me when Jeremy was bothering me. At his brothers game he had Jeremy sit in the middle so I wasn't beside my BF. At night he asked me to move over a little in the bed which made me a bit sad. I feel like he was staring at his phone a lot. He is pretty possessive of his phone anyways. I noticed him texting someone while we lay in bed in the am and the message had hearts and faces (kiss faces I'm not sure) but he didn't hide it from me and it was likely his sister who tells him she loves him a lot. I also looked at his phone when he was in the shower and saw a few girls names and an email address as a contact that had the words sweatheart and hon in it but also something about thanks for the update and have fun- I think it's his mom. I didn't open the texts as many hadn't been read yet. The second morning that I wasn't supposed to be there his friend went to breakfast (we got up around 8) and my BF started foreplay again and kissing me while his friend was in the room but it was dark still and his friend was oblivious. He finally left and we had sex but it wasn't like normal. There was kissing but no I love yous or I love being inside you. He pulled out to masturbate (normal as I'm not on birth control but soon will be-I know still unsafe) and normally he pulls me close and kisses my while he cums but he had his arm blocking me and stopped quickly and gave up. I asked if he was ok and he said yes and asked me the same. I lied and said I was ok but I felt kinda used to be honest. Maybe he was hurting as he pulled on his foreskin like he does often. He got up to shower, took his phone and he probably jerked off in the bathroom I don't know. Then he came out and pretty much kept his towel on while he got dressed then went to meet his friend but asked if I needed anything first. He asked if I was coming down and I said maybe but there was only half and hour left till they closed it. Anyway he defended me at breakfast when his friend said my machine (I have a cpap machine-4 weeks now) was making noises. We went back to the room and they atarted packing deciding to ski in the afternoon and we had a mini nap. He woke me up by nudging me a little saying wake up Hun. When we said goodbye I helped pay for the room and he said thanks Hun and we briefly kissed goodbye and he said he'd talk to me later. He never texted me though. I texted him Sunday night just to thank him for the weekend and said I hoped he had fun skiing. Then Monday afternoon I just said "hey you, how are you doing?". He said he was fine and out with his grandparents and asked if he could text me that night. It was 11 and I still never heard from him so I texted him and he said he was busy at his desk organizing his week which took awhile. (He's like that, very organized so that was totally fine). We said goodnight after a few back and forth texts on how our days were but I got no kissy face or Hun. He wished me a good night and sleep. I couldn't sleep and asked him if I could hang out with him today. He texted me this morning and said he was busy doing stuff today so he wouldn't have time to hang out but that he had an appointment at 3 tomorrow and after that we could hang out if that worked. Okay....that was very long, it all came out. He always told me open communication was key and he values that. He gets in funks as he does suffer from anxiety and depression. Sometimes he gets down and wants to be alone. He was hurt by a cheater in the past and hurt by someone saying he was the only one when he wasn't. I've asked during his funks if it was me and he said no. He always said if I did anything he'd tell me....so do you think he's lost interest? Would a guy still see you or string you along if he were going to break up with you? Would he have sex with you if he had doubts? Do you think he could be going through something or feeling overwhelmed with his feelings or our relationship?
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
Sorry but gotta mention it: Get on birth control; have him wear a condom. If you guys care about yourselves and each other for real you'd be more concerned about that and protecting each other from unwanted pregnancy and stuff.
May not have any relation to this situation.
There is one thing about men that worries me: a man who barely knows you and jumps into " I love you" after 2 months of dating is a worry for me.
Maybe you could benefit from taking a break from
Each other for a week, so you can chill and he can heal junk.
I hope you will be in a good place again soon, whatever this means
Hug
I really hate to use that term but can't think of another at this time.
Do you ever go out with your own friends? Do you have outside interests?
It seems you have made him your whole world and have so much invested that you are analyzing every little thing.
Take a deep breath and step back.
I too would worry about him saying I love you only two months in, and something I've come to learn is that the biggest lies are told in bed. So for me, that would be a red flag.
I also sense a certain level of attempting to control from the details you've given. He works you up, then lets you down, then gives you hope, then leaves you flat. This to me is another red flag, and has a controlling, self-centeredness about it.
I understand people have anxiety and depression, but it's also something you have to consider, that unless they are seeking help with this, it doesn't go away, in fact, it worsens once you get closer to them. Telling someone you've just met that you have depression and anxiety is an attempt to set the stage, like you have to make exceptions for them and their behaviour, and that's never good.
You seem rather level-headed to me. When he's told you he's busy, you don't push, but instead you accept what he says and agree to meet on another day etc., which I think is commendable. I think he is testing you, in order to discern the level of your commitment, devotion, and submissiveness to him. The comment he made when you offered to meet your family, saying he'd have to think about that, is strange. The fact that he doesn't want to meet your friends in a group is also strange, as I've found that is usually a good way to introduce a new person into your group of friends. I think he's afraid to be judged by them, and is attempting to control you. Also him implying that you want to sit next to Jeremy is worrisome, and excuse me for saying this, but it's fucked up; why would he think that. And him wanting to get it on while Jeremy is in the same room, doesn't sit well with me.
I don't think he's lost interest, but I think he's not happy with your lack of intensity compared to his, and your lack of submissiveness to him. The fact that he's super-organized, combined with everything else you've mentioned here, tells me he's into control, and that is a huge red flag for me.
Whatever it is that he's feeling, overwhelmed, having doubts, etc., and leaving you wondering, is a childish reaction to him not getting his way, and an attempt to control you. Him holding back his kissy faces is a control thing, and I'd also worry about him guarding his phone and sending someone else kissy faces, I don't care if it's his sister, that's even more weird.
My rule of thumb in new relationships is, that if there's any kind of weirdness at the beginning of a relationship, I run, and there's been a lot of weirdnesses here.
Is he a lot younger than you? I'm just curious.
And I hate to break this to anyone, but men will have sex with you even if they have doubts. Men don't typically connect sex and emotions the way most women do. I will say, and this is not judgement but my own
I've heard that from a few guys I have asked....they said they would still have sex with a woman even if they were having doubts. He's always just been so "emotional" during sex that I figured he wouldn't, also because when he gets in a funk any physical contact other than a hug is the last thing he wants. That being said he has used escorts before so I guess any guy can get it up even if there is no emotion involved.
However, now that you've mentioned escorts... I don't know. That would probably be a deal breaker for me in itself. I don't want a guy with that history. I would never trust that he used protection and I would question how he sees women and sex. But that's me and my own thing.
Yes he's used escorts for sex, I don't judge him that because I've gone on Craigslist and posted for casual sex after I ended my marriage and before I met my boyfriend. Maybe I'm too trusting but it doesn't bother me. He's also the type of guy that waited to have sex until he was 23 when it meant something to him.
That may be why you are being to sensitive to his every whim and action. You may be hyper-sensitive toward sex now due to being with someone for so long who did not want sex.
Just a thought.
After only 5 months does the affection stop? Or is he sending my attachment to him and pulling back? Do guys take time to think about a break up before doing it?
Give him time to miss you, take your time to respond, and don't be so emotional. Let him initiate in the I love you's and you need to just step back a bit and let him take this relationship where he wants it.
If you don't like where you find yourself, if it's not where you want to be then I would have a long talk with him. I may be wrong but that's honestly what I'd do.
I sympathize with you greatly. When I'm with someone I adore I let them know it. Sometimes more than I should.