When my bf and I first got together, we talked about what we considered cheating. We agreed that any unnessecary contact with another person of the opposite sex is cheating.
To answer your question, I do not think you're being overly jealous, and I would consider what he's doing cheating. It's disrespectful. There is no reason he needs to be looking at other women. To him you should be the most beautiful woman in the world, and the only one worthy of his attention. He also should not be texting other women. What he should be doing is busting his ass trying to win back your trust!!!!

This is incredibly disrespectful.

I hate to say it, but he's a dog who's shown you his true colors time and time again. I doubt he's going to change, so you must decide if you can live with his behavior for the rest of your life.... No? I didn't think so. And, he's teaching your daughter just how to expect men to treat women (remember children have a narrow scope of the world).... Do you really want her to have such a poor role model?

My definition of cheating: doing something (in regards to the opposite sex) that you wouldn't do with your partner standing right next to you.

I would definitely not be okay with his behavior considering his past history. In addition, I find it SUPER disrespectful and alarming that you've talked to him about it, told him you're not okay with it, and he refuses to stop. He is essentially saying that flirting with random girls and texting them is more important than your feelings.

Having a wandering eye when you two go out is very rude. I'm not stupid enough to think that my boyfriend never notices attractive women, but I would absolutely not be okay with him making a scene of checking out someone else while I'm there. very disrespectful.

Flirting and getting attention from other women whilst in your company is disrespectful, and you have every right to feel uncomfortable with it. It has nothing to do with being possessive or jealous, but everything to do with feeling disrespected.

If he's also contacting other women whilst in a relationship with you, I'd be very careful about getting too serious with him. He doesn't seem to be too bothered about rebuilding trust in your relationship, and without trust there is nothing, IMO.

My therapist told me this when I was still in the throes of divorce:
"The first act of infidelity is when a spouse talks about his marriage (problems - real or perceived) with a member of the opposite sex." While you don't write about this aspect, I must say that this man's behavior is totally DISRESPECTFUL of you. Don't put up with it! You deserve so much better!
A leopard doesn't change his spots. I urge you to take a hard line on this one. Get out of his life and stay out -- for your sake and for your daughter's.

I would say that if he went that far to have an affair back then what's stopping him again. He obviously didn't care enough about you to do that and now he's eyeing other woman on the side. I wouldn't have trusted him to take him back if I was with someone who went that far. If people don't want to be together then leave the relationship and move on, don't keep someone on the side to go for another. You need to get out and stay out. No man or woman should be with someone in a relationship and continuing to ogle someone else in that way. He knows he can get away with it. As Dr. Phil always says, a person who has nothing to hide, hides, nothing. He is just justifying his behavior and then to get mad at you and say "he wouldn't sleep with someone". He is justifying and defending behavior rather than making you feel at ease. As said leave as you deserve someone who values you and wouldn't do that.

Hello Michelle,

It sounds like you care for this person. I do not understand how you say " you began to speak with him again for your child's sake. Is she the only happy one in this equasion? cheaters cheat. It sounds like he is cheating again. sleeping with someone does not the only way cheaters cheat, it is the final act. it begins with flirting.

If you are well enough to believe he is the man for you, then you must accept his unacceptable behavior. " for the sake of your daughter". (wink, wink) I hope you find the peace and answers you need in this unfaithful man for which you love.

Whatever is a violation of a rule that you both agreed upon is cheating.

I guess to me whenever a person has been cheated on in the past I tend to think there is always going to be a part of them that will have doubt and trust issues with that particular person and sometimes even with new relationships. The important thing is what you can overcome and live with.

Speaking only for myself here if I have doubts about the person I am with it truly isn't a happy relationship and I won't stay in it. If I am cheated on I am not staying or even attempting to try and work on being a couple with someone who does that. I figure I would never do that someone I love and care about so I won't put up with such nonsense from anyone. These are things I give in a relationship love, loyalty, trust and most of all respect. I do not feel my standards are too high but I will not except anything less from my partner.

Anyway I certainly can't tell you what to do and you will have to make the final decision. What I can say is ask how happy you are in life with this guy. Weigh your pros and cons. Figure out how much time you spend doubting and worrying about his behavior and actions versing how much time you truly feel at peace and happy. Know what you want from your partner and don't take anything less then you deserve because life is way too short to spend it with doubt, worry and fears.

In all aspects I suggest you take some time to really focus on what makes you happy in life and what you want and take the necessary actions to make it happen. Remember you can't change other people but you can change yourself and your life. Wishing you the very best and hoping happier days find their way to you very soon:)

I have been cheated on while married, and am divorced now. What he has done is completely disrespectful. He knows full well how you feel and still chooses to act this way. I wouldn't tolerate it.

I was a "cheater" most of my life. I have almost lost the most precious woman to ever be a part of my life. I tried but came to admit I am a sex addict and have joined SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous). I have been going to 2 meetings a week, Reading anything I can get my hands on and getting counseling. I am just now learning what real love is. If it takes me years to fully regain her trust, then so be it. I'm afraid that this man will not change until he takes similar steps. He cannot change as long as you accept this behavior and you don't respect yourself enough to fail to take care of yourself.

You show people how to treat you. In my opinion when you took him back 2 years ago, it was the perfect opportunity to lay everything out and let him know exactly how you feel and the conditions in which you were having him back in your life... i.e. you find flirty behavior of any kind unacceptable and respectful, etc. You need to nip this in the bud and have that serious discussion with him, because as you see he's trying to get off on a default / excuse that "he's just flirty". You have to let him know that no I don't accept that as an excuse and considering your past your trust is still broken and he needs to make the effort to act respectfully to gain your trust.

All that put aside if his behavior continues then there's your answer... he cares more about keeping himself and his ego happy and you and your daughter are a second priority. He's shown you this before, but has to prove himself otherwise in order to stay in your life and not make you feel like your resentment is driving you to be "overly jealous or possessive" because those are manifested feelings from his behavior you don't want.

Good luck to you!

oop sorry that was "...i.e. you find flirty behavior of any kind unacceptable and DISrespectful, etc."

I consider cheating anything that you won't openly discuss with your partner.

Agree anything you won't be open on! And if someone cheats they need to think before they do it how freaking bad it hurts the other but they don't!