That does sound very emotionally draining. he should be more considerate of how you feel, even if he thinks he is right or your right it doesnt matter but rather more of consideration for the other person. But it also shouldnt just be all one-sided and you are feeling you are talking all the hits.
I am also having problems with communication due to my anxiety. It a tough one because the only way to have better communication is to be vulnerable and I am despising/resisting that idea at the moment.
Something I noticed, is the way in which you perceive yourself "you say your selfish and self absorbed" etc... perhaps start there. I actually wouldnt have noticed that for myself if I havent read your post, but a big part of it is how we are seeing our selves, and not validating how we are feeling. For me right now I am not allowing my self to have my own needs met, which is something i struggled with today. Of feeling like I am bothering others when I ask if they want to hangout. I think this perspective isnt going to help in building what I want - likewise for you too. Rebuild the way you communicate about yourself and validate it for yourself. its hard to break old habits but it can be done.
Other than that - communication is a two way street. perhaps let go of the ego for once and try to sincerely say How you feel especially on the way he is treating you. And observe how he treats you after. I hope he is more considerate.
sry I rambled a bit but wishing you best of luck. Hugs

When my husband and I are having problems connecting, we agree to hold the love sacred while we each goes off and work on our strictly personal issues. The disconnect is usually because of individual problems within one or both of us. When we are both settled inside our own skin, the emotional connections flow free and easy.

It works for us.

Gentle support while you find what works for you.

It’s great to have awareness of your shortcoming but sheesh this makes it sound like you are the sole problem in the relationship.

Did you arrive to the conclusion you are not a critical thinker because he had told you that or because you know this about yourself? If it’s because he told you that, he’s emotionally and mentally egging with you.

I hope I’m off base, but if I’m not, sort out what you know to be true about yourself vs the garbage he feeds you. Something sounds off here based on how you describe yourself in terms of your relationship.

Do you think perhaps this disconnect has anything to do with your pattern of chronic lying?

I agree with your bf - chronic lying is not very attractive.

All good responses! Thank you all very much. @lucillegem I do agree that changing my perspective of myself is helpful. I've actually already started to do that. @arfie I agree with you too that we should make the love and relationship the main focus and not destroy it in the process of dealing with our own bullshit because it does have a lot to do with the problems we individually have going on and we're projecting them onto each other. @rmb no I didn't arrive at the idea of my critical thinking skills sucking on my own, that was him telling me that and me believing it. However, I have always felt kind of stupid for not understanding things that later proved to be so simple and I would've understood them if I had just thought about them for a little bit longer. I say that to say I believe him because of my own insecurities with myself and my own self hatred. @Yard_Eggs yes to answer your question. He has told me that my lying makes me less attractive to him, and I understand that.


So pretty much what all of your responses boil down to is that I have to keep working on my independent issues, and eventually that will help the intimacy in my relationship. If I work on mine, and he keeps working on his as well then things will get better between us.