Sorry lostinthecycle, I am not sure if I have understood your first question correctly, but a betrayed spouse is not wrong in loosing sleep over the cheating spouse receiving a text from an unknown number without an explanation. What was the content of this text?

as for your second question, I can completely see why this might annoy you , after all you have waited 14 months for him to secure this job. If he didn't go back to school in those 14 months of not having secure employment, why would it be a good idea to do so now based on a move that may not even happen? I think the right thing to do would be speak to your husband and explain your feelings the way you have here. You do have to come up with a solution on this job situation that suits all parties so keep conversing. Good luck !

What's the problem with just talking about it now? I mean discussing it doesn't make it written in stone. Couples talk about this kind of stuff, even if it's just preliminary conversation.

Not sure I get the context of the first question exactly. But I imagine imagine it's normal for a betrayed spouse to be concerned over anything that appears to imply their spouse is cheating.

I think rmb , the OP's frustration is that her job isn't a given, and the conversation around the move involves her husband leaving the only job he has managed to secure in 14 months. I get a feeling the OP isn't comfortable with that part and hence wanting to delay the conversation altogether, but then I am only inferring things from their post.

Ok to clarify on the first question. Spouse had an affair just about 2 years ago, afterward the couple attended marriage counselling for several months. Marriage counselor told the spouse who didnt cheat that they needed to make the decision to either forgive the cheater and not think about it any further and move on from that day forward or to leave the relationship. The spouse said they were staying and were prepared to move on and not continue to hold the affair over the cheaters head. Now a text has come in from someone whose number is about 360km away from where they live that just said "(name) is still cheating on you" when asked who the texter was they said "a friend" and then would not repond after. A mutual friend ended up receiving creepy texts from this person as well stating they had a crush on them for a long time. So my question is....if a spouse has truly forgiven their partner and has moved on with a clean slate and now trusts their partner would there be a reason for the one who received the messages to be stressed about the messages and to not sleep because of it? I hope that makes more sense

I must absolutely be tired tonight for my post to not make sense. Sounded better in my head I guess. So in regards to the second part. My husband tonight started by saying since we weren't on a time limit in regards to potentially moving to where my new job is located that we should talk about it. Which was fine. However within minutes of saying that, he was putting a time limit on when we should move(July or August sometime) and then listed a couple reasons....not to have our kids start school and then have to change schools and cities, not wanting me driving the highway during winter, save a bunch of money on gas and what happens if hypothetically he was sent away for training and I was 70km away and there was an emergency with our kids.
Because I just found out that I got this job I had not put a ton of thought into moving for the following reasons: mandatory 9 week training and if I don't pass I don't get the job, I have a good paying second job where we are that will bump me to full time hours between the two, he just finally started working the end of March and has not actually done anything to show that he was serious about going back to school, the cost of living and gas in the bigger city would be higher than if we stay here and I commute, I don't do well with moves like that although it is a fear I would face at the right time(I have only moved twice in my life outside of the area I grew up in), I don't see him finding work there for a while due to the fact that he says he has been applying in that city all along and has not gotten a single call(so either he has not been applying and says he was or the job market is really crummy in a city of over 200,000).
We did start out having a conversation until I said that I figured at this point that 3 or 4 months from now is too soon to be moving but that is based on the reasons I stated here. It could change by then. He immediately got mad and told me that I was not taking all 5 members into account that I was only looking after myself and fine I can make the decision cause he doesn't care. At the point of his anger I started to say we should discuss this later and he says "yup of course were done talking about it".
I felt like he was putting all of the blame for him getting angry on me and felt that the only answer he would accept and be happy with was to say yes to him wanting to decide for sure 3-4 months from now on moving but knowing him the answer is already in his mind that we need to move so not moving will just anger him more at that point.
So I asked if I was overreacting in my being upset that it turned into a fight? I don't feel like it needed to be a fight. I was open to him giving me his opinion and just leaving it at that until we know how my job will go etc. I also told him I was fine with his opinion but that I felt like he was expecting an answer tonight

Yes it's normal to worry.
I suggest you join Alcoholics Anonymous to help you deal with this and life in general. I was married to an alcoholic for over 20 years. I know it's no picnic. AlAnon was a life line for me. (((HUGS)))

I don't think it's wrong to worry about the text message. I also think you two should consider a halfway point in moving. He can keep his current job and just drive a little. As can you.

I drive 50 miles each way or take a bus to a good job. It is a huge time suck for sure. However, the alternative is worse.

There are no perfect choices in life.

I do think it would be folly to have your H quit his job after a 14-month unemployment period.

My philosophy is that you look for the next job while employed in the current one.

Well I'll say this about moving the discussion. My husband and I have been discussing job changes and moving probably several times a month, for the last year, and every time we discuss it, even though nothing is finalized, we have both changed our minds from our previous positions on the matter. So to me discussing anything in a marriage is never wrong, regardless of the timing, whether all the information is available, whether it sounds absurd or not etc. I look at it like it's sort brainstorming to get at the heart of what is actually sensible and doable, so that once you do have all the information, you can make joint decisions. I think sometimes it's just a matter of both of you acknowledging that it's just a discussion at this point, not an actual set in stone plan.

I think he felt like you were dismissing him and maybe you felt like he was forcing his position on you when you didn't feel ready. I think you might have both been overreacting. My husband always comes up with these ideas out of the blue about moving, or selling the house, or quitting his job and my personality is definitely not one where I fly by the seat of my pants easily. I need to plan, and plan, and plan. Often times it prevents me from taking action. He always jokes I'm the buzz kill, and it's because I have to think about every angle, where he doesn't. So sometimes these kinds issues between couples are often a result of personality type. I don't know. You know your spouse better than anyone here. And you know yourself better than anyone here. So I think getting at the heart of what escalated things is going to happen when you reflect on your dynamic as a couple and each of your personalities.

Thanks everyone for the responses they are truly appreciated. I personally have no issues driving the 70km one way so i am absolutely fine staying here where we live now and being the one to commute. I guess I just figured that the only thing that was going to change was the location of my job until i knew it was secure. I dont feel comfortable uprooting the kids for uncertainty when we could just wait until I know whether this will be secure and hopefully long term. I also dont want him quitting his job, he was the one who threw it out there that he has decided hes going back to school. I am absolutely happy to discuss the possibilities good and bad with him but I am not ok being told which option is best right this second.