Healthy Relationships Support Group
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He's broken it, trust, and I'm having a hard time. He went to Vegas and I found out a girl he met at a comedy club because they were sitting next to each other gave him her phone number and he texted her. I confronted him about it and he lied. So I dropped it. Until a couple weeks later I confronted him about it again and he finally admitted it, claiming it was all innocent and in his field of work he's so used to being friends with females he didn't think anything of it. Him accepting a girl's phone number, and texting her, and not telling her he's in a relationship is NOT OK. He apologized and said he'd never do anything like it again.
This isn't our first issue with trust. I posted other posts about him lying about communicating with his ex (yes I'm still with him, please hold the judgement because a part of me does know I deserve better). The issue with his ex: I finally accepted that they're still friends and he's been open about talking to her. Although a part of me is still uncomfortable with it. I don't think he has romantic feelings for her but their friendship just makes me a little jealous.
So I guess the issue with his ex is mostly resolved. But, the girl in Vegas. It bothers me. I've tried talking to him about it since to let him know it really hurts, and he just gets super mad and just shuts down. I would never accept a man's phone number whom I just met and not say I'm in a relationship.
Like I said, his defense is that it was all innocent. Either he just really does not get it, or it wasn't innocent and he's being dishonest.
My sister says this happened in Feb. and I need to move on if I said I forgive him. I'm having a hard time with that.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
But, that being said, so much in our relationship is good. And, people have forgiven affairs, do I forgive? I don't know.
Why did he take her info in the first place??… I worked with men and didn't get all of their numbers
It seems like he'll do what he wants when he wants and he'll lie if he's being confronted about anything and that would be disturbing to me
This isn't about judging you or him.... You wrote this post so there's something about this that isn't okay with you??
It's almost impossible to trust a chronic liar … You have to decide what does or doesn't work for you
As Brooklynn wrote it can take some time to figure it out.... It's hard when you care a great deal.... I'm sorry that you've been hurt......xo
Still, after I have told a person I forgive them for hurting me, I do feel obligated to move on as best I can. When the forgiveness turns out to be false, I work ^it^ out within my therapy circle and honor the word, albeit mistaken word I gave to the "Forgiven" person. In all too many of those cases, the route to forgiveness is the door under the "Exit" sign. Forgiveness and the willingness to get more of the same are two distinctly different subjects in my wounded heart.
Have you had a clear cut conversation about the boundaries of your relationship, what you are and are not comfortable with? It sounds like you hadn't yet and when you tried to assert your boundaries you got shot down by your partner. The question doesn't come down to whether or not you can trust him, but whether or not you are comfortable with him crossing your boundaries and can tolerate more of this throughout the entire relationship. It will not improve unless he can agree to honor your boundaries.