There are a lot of questions here. All with many different possible answers. It's all about context I suppose and also about the type of relationship you are referring to. I want brutal/radical honesty from my partner when it comes to sharing hopes, dreams, plans for the future and even comments on my relationship and my nature/behaviours.

I absolutely do NOT want brutal/radical honesty when it comes to unsolicited advise as that often makes things worse and never really comes from a good place, in my opinion. I am a great believer in kindness and will always think a million times before sharing a negative opinion or feedback on any situation, unless very specifically invited to do so.

But yes, in a romantic relationship, I do expect honesty , as ugly as that may be, on important issues. Questions such as 'do I look fat in this dress?' can be answered kindly rather than truthfully, in my opinion.

I hope this helps but without any specifics it's hard to apply a blanket rule to every relationship/ interaction/ scenario.

I think you can be completely honest without being brutal or radical. It's about context and approach. I know people who use "just being honest" as their justification for being an asshole.

Question for you: what are you attempting to achieve with your honesty?

Personally, I know how to give and receive brutal honesty. It doesn't really work even though I prefer to know - than not know - where things stand.

Radical honesty is quite different. It deals with getting to the root.

Years ago, a counselor saved me a lot of time and energy by getting to the root - without being brutal. She was very direct. Direct honesty is enough. It often cuts through all the crap - mine and someone else's.

"Getting it all out" rarely works, in my experience. Others end up wounded, and get defensive. Then try to hurt back.

Mostly, it leaves a lot of wounded people when all the dust clears. Once we say things, we can't take them back. Worth remembering

Honesty, yes.
Radical honesty, my personal favorite.
Please don't "clobber me over the head" with brutality cloaked as 'honesty'.
Respect and courtesy work much better. Underneath, we never know what someone else is experiencing.

Putting brutality and honesty together is designed to inflict something on another, or ourselves.

Be fully honest with yourself. Even then, being brutal does not work as well. "Shaming and shoulding" rarely get us where we intend.

Maybe you want to look at what your motivation is. Then you can find a way that achieves what you intend AND be honest!

DebraLeah, you know you're stuff: this is a massive response. With your permission, I'd like to cut and paste this to my desktop.

thank you for all of ya'lls answers. in my own experience honesty is such a vague thing. again that you for your input.

Depends on what we're talking about. If we're talking about your perception of me, truth is always a point of view, Anakin.

Yo! DarkGypsyG! I think honesty is very important. Their's no such thing as being too honest. Many people may disagree with me; but I do believe that honesty is the key to healthy relationships. I'm sure a lot of us don't go around yelling the truth to everyone because we may get scrutinized for it or even punished; but that doesn't mean you should sit still and hold in the truth.

The more open two people are the better the relationship. Sometimes the honesty might even seperate relationships which is always a good thing, because it goes to show you guys can't TRULY tolerate each other.

I think honesty is best. That being said, I do not feel that EVERYTHING needs to be said. Some things are simply meant for the corners of a persons personal brain. People in a relationship often lose site of their individuality. People have the rights to their own thoughts.

If your partner happens to glance in the bathroom while you are brushing your teeth or something like that and thinks, "hmmm. his/her butt is looking bigger." That does not mean that they think it is gross or a turn off. It is just an observation due to noticing a difference in what you see every day. It is no different than noticing a hair cut. you may not love it, you may not hate it. Odds are you are going to say, "looks good" even though you don't have a strong opinion on it. see what I mean?

But, there are some things that people have the right to keep private. there are fantasies that people do not want to share, or past history that is painful and you don't WANT your SO to know and change their perception of you. I think that is okay (as long as you aren't a rapist or a murderer or something).

So, honesty, yes. But, it needs to caring honest. However, I am also pro-privacy.

There is a time and place for honest conversations.
For example - if a person is in an emotional crisis and they ask me : " am I a POS" or " what should I do?" , this is not the best time for my honesty. I meet a lot of horrible people due to nature of my job and they ask me certain questions. No, I am not going to say what I think to someone who is in a fragile state because it is pointless. This person is not ready to hear it and definitely not ready for change.
When my best friend or partner is freaking out, I choose very carefully what I say. I don't lie, but sometimes I have to think about filtering my reaponses.
Sometimes people just want someone to hear them and not be told " the truth".

Yes even if i dont want to hear it or may not listen to the truth at first. Being polite has nothing to do with being honest. If you believe in something like say ur bestfriends dating a totally bogus guy youd want them to know even if they dont like it. And yes to being completly honest to a point. If you really care about someone you will want them to know everything about you or your day even when theres an issue of trust between you. And as far as being polite just chose your wording cafefully. I mean if your gf has a cheating boyfriend theres not really an easy way to tell her her mans stepping out on her. And honest and arrogance are two different things. If you think you know everything and are always right your arrogant.

Children are honest with no filter; they just say things off the top of their undeveloped brain. Adults on the other hand have the ability to manage their emotions and read a room. To me there's no point in being honest with someone if they shut down because you are battering them with YOUR truth. I mean, is the goal to just be honest at all costs or to have the person you're being honest with actually hear you and be receptive what you're saying?

Saying to someone, you're fat, or you're ugly, or whatever, yes that's honest but that's what I meant by people who use the "just being honest" card to be shitty about other people. I mean, there's no point to this kind of honesty accept I think for some people, it makes them hate themselves a little less.

Honestly yes. Being brutal... not necessary.

I appreciate honesty. Brutal honesty? Therein is my question to myself. I'll admit that after getting over the pain of some forms of brutal honesty that I do appreciate that honesty more then the "love" of "friends" who are subtly abusive ,only to discover this abuse over time. I know where the brutally honest stand and how they feel about me or whatever. There is such a thing as a filter. That is what being diplomatic is all about. There are people who are not psychologically healthy and will let loose all kinds of mean staements. These are not about the person that these déclarations are directed at. They are about the person making the déclarations, especially when the déclarations do not make sense for some legitimate reason. But among those who are psychologically healthy brutal honesty with a filter is best. Though I'm still working on this view I do have the ability to tell myself that they can take what they dish out and dish it back at them when the occasion calls for it. But if they can't take what they dish out ,chances are they are psychologically unhealthy.

NO!!!!!! This xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx is eight inches dammit! Its true!!!