Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have previously posted on here about my husband of 6 years leaving....a different situation has now cropped up...I started chatting with a man online, I really love making connections with people & thought it would be nice to make some friends etc. This has actually grown very quickly into an intense thing, he is very attracted to me & wants to be in my life....
He is the opposite of anyone I’ve ever known, very thoughtful & sweet, happy to talk about his feelings, trying to be patient while I negotiate my feelings as well....
So, how do I proceed? I feel like I’m second guessing myself, I’m not sure if I’m telling myself I need a break because I do, or if it’s what is accepted practice...I haven’t had sex or been intimate with anyone for such a long time, so even though I was entrenched in mundane routine in my marriage, there was no joy in it....
Other considerations are, I have 2 children, who I have told that I am chatting to someone, but am very aware of involving them in something new...they had very little connection with their stepdad, so this new guy wants to do things as a family & be a part of the kids’ lives...
The last challenge is, he’s 20 years older than me...I’m 46, he’s 66...that scares me as he is almost my parents’ age, and in such a different phase of his life....
Anyway, sorry it’s long, just trying to work out how to proceed & would love some input! Thanks
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I would just take your time and know that online isn't the same as in person....
He may turn out to be great but at this point you really don't know this man
I would meet for coffee or lunch and take things one step at a time
I wish you well...… I hope that he's a wonderful guy!!….. xo
My concern would be that he is talking about being a part of your kids' lives and you haven't even met yet?
I'm not implying that he has bad motives, but it seems premature to me to be talking about issues that are way beyond a first meeting for coffee.
That you are considering the age difference is good. I am thinking primarily from a health aspect. He's at an age where there is perhaps a greater chance of a major health problem cropping up, It is worth considering, "if I were to be involved with an older person and they developed health issues, is that something I want to deal with at this point in my life?"
I think it is OK to consider issues like that taking a fairly pragmatic approach, but that's just me.
I think I would meet for coffee or something and proceed in the real world and make your decisions there, rather than dealing with a basically unknown quantity online.
Sorry, mine is long too. AND I don't know you and I'm giving advice like I do. I guess that is arrogance on my part. I mean good for you and I will pray that you will have wisdom as you negotiate this new place in your life. Blessings!
Are you two definitely going to get a divorce? Are you legally separated?
Just checking. As the other two replies said, take your time with meeting anyone new, especially if you are not completely out of your marriage yet (legally separated at the very least). I understand the attention from this new man is fun and makes you feel good and I totally get that. But, slow down... at the very least, meet this man in a public place for coffee or lunch, and see how you two get along in person. I would suggest not telling your kids too much about this man until YOU have gotten to know him in person.
No matter which way things go, I wish you the best!
It is probably not the healthiest thing to rush into a relationship when we are not healed yet. This is what you have mentioned in your original post. We have to do our hard work, and this guy could be a distraction from your doing that. Also, should you start dating, your kids will have many feelings. I am not sure how old they are, but they are faced with changes like you are faced with changes. It is too early to talk about this guy with the kids. They don't need to know you are chatting with someone because another person in and out of their lives during this divorce time is not easy for them to manage emotionally. You are in the infatuation and "someone wants me" stage, but be careful and keep putting the kids first. They have lots of mixed up feelings about this whole thing, they are losing the family that they knew. People can use pretty words to describe themselves, to talk to us, but reality can be very different. Where you are now is not truly knowing who this person is. You don't see him at the grocery store being nice or mean to the cashier, you don't see him cooking dinner, or going to family events, or at the movie theater. You have his word picture, he has your word picture. It is not real what you know at this point, it is the puffed up, make up version of each other's lives and personalities.
Baby steps are good steps..... xo
It concerns me that he wants to get into the “family” things so quickly. Get to know him first and see how it goes.