Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
...said my boyfriend "looked homeless" when we went to dog training class yesterday: GFYS. I'm [not] sorry he didn't realize there was a dress code for dog training, and that for some reason wearing older, stained clothing in a roomful of dogs is unacceptable to you. I'm [not] sorry he has a beard. I'm [not] sorry his hair was kind of messy, he was napping just a few minutes before class and didn't take the time to comb it out. He was worried about being late and figured the dogs wouldn't care. I am sorry that, instead of being a normal person and assuming that maybe he didn't look his best because he wasn't feeling good, was tired, or WE ARE AT DOG TRAINING CLASSES, you went to the manager and asked if my company (boyfriend) yesterday night was a homeless person. Unluckily for you, I work there and my boyfriend is known to them, so I found out. Its surprising to me that you didn't consider the fact that I would find out, since you know I work there.
I was so happy my boyfriend even came out with me. You see, he has depression and other health issues, and has really been struggling with it the past few months. I've seen my normally happy go lucky boyfriend reduced to tears something I've rarely seen in our years together, and panic, something I've never seen. I've spent nights in the hospital, days checking my phone, and countless hours lost worrying. We're coming around the bend now, he's finally getting the help he needs for his depression and were moving towards a diagnosis for his physical symptoms...and not many of those are good. That he even felt well enough to come along with me made my day, and your judgmental attitude ruined it for him.
I know there isn't much I can actually do in the real world, but here, in the virtual world, I will out you passionately with everything I have. I ask that in the future, you spend a few minutes thinking before you open your mouth.
I was so happy my boyfriend even came out with me. You see, he has depression and other health issues, and has really been struggling with it the past few months. I've seen my normally happy go lucky boyfriend reduced to tears something I've rarely seen in our years together, and panic, something I've never seen. I've spent nights in the hospital, days checking my phone, and countless hours lost worrying. We're coming around the bend now, he's finally getting the help he needs for his depression and were moving towards a diagnosis for his physical symptoms...and not many of those are good. That he even felt well enough to come along with me made my day, and your judgmental attitude ruined it for him.
I know there isn't much I can actually do in the real world, but here, in the virtual world, I will out you passionately with everything I have. I ask that in the future, you spend a few minutes thinking before you open your mouth.
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
We all make judgements about others every day, assuming this and that. But we can't know what others are going through, the pain in their life. All you can do is hold your head high and remember that when people do stuff like that, it's is really their issue, about their shortcomings, and has nothing to do with the person on the receiving end.
Glad you expressed yourself. I'm sorry you're boyfriend has been suffering and hope he doesn't let this incident set him back..
Who was the person who TOLD you that someone said mean things about your boyfriend?
You need to take a closer look at your relationship with THAT person, because the person doing you the "favor" of telling you someone said something mean about you, is no friend.
You are angry at the person who supposedly said this thing, but why on earth would your manager tell you?
As you said, it ruined your boyfriend's day, well who told him??
I can see a friend giving us the head up if we are spending money and going out of our way for someone and then they insult us behind our backs... A true friend might give us the heads up in that situations as in.. " I wish you wouldn't spend so much money on that person, because they go around insulting you behind your back"....
But if a total stranger said something insulting, why did the person you know, feel the need to tell you, how do you even know it happened? Maybe the person who told you just wanted to insult you and said.. "Hey, someone asked if your boyfriend is homeless"
What if the next time you see the "Insulter" you have the courage to confront them and say." wow, that wasn't cool" What if they then look at you and say .."I never said that"
I guess what I'm trying to say is I think some of your anger should go to the thoughtless person who told you this petty stupid comment in the first place. Nice people think it through before they share news that is going to hurt you and in no way can help you.
Since they are a client that brings in bunches of money I am not allowed to say anything on the clock to them, nor to I plan on confronting them, so no worries there. My boyfriend found out because he was standing right there. I am not mad at my manger for telling me, I'm glad he told me. Like I said, there is a good chance I will here about it again and I would rather have heard if from my manager in a professional way than being surprised by it later!
My manger is also a good friend of both mine and my boyfriends, fully aware of what we have been dealing with, so I guess that might change my perspective somewhat. I truly feel he was giving me a heads up in case the clients say anything in front of me when I'm on the clock.
Things are fine now, really. Just needed to vent and get things off my chest.
rmb, thanks, he and I were both upset at first, but he acknowledged people are judgmental and that its not his problem and felt better after that. We when out for wings yesterday and that cheered him up :)
You say you have to be nice and respectful to the person who said your boyfriend looks homeless, because they bring in a lot of money. So isn't that going to be really difficult now?
You asked me a question. Why wouldn't your manager tell you?
Well... He wouldn't have told you if he wanted to spare your and your boyfriend's feelings. If he thought your boyfriend looked fine and the high paying customer was just a judgmental butthead, why hurt your feelings.
So If your manager told you, it must mean that he told you in hope that your boyfriend would put a little more effort into his grooming habits.
A true friend would not have told you.
I'd always rather hear something up front, even if it's upsetting, rather find out later through the grapevine, which is where most things in an office setting come out, and then wonder why no one had the guts to say it to me directly or throw me a bone.
I get what the others are saying about the type of person who is telling you something for nefarious reasons. Those kinds of people are plentiful. But I don't think that's always the case and again, you know the people in this scenario best so it's really your judgement and insight that counts.
And I get you were just upset and wanted to vent. I think as long as you're both in a better place today, that's really what matters here.
While I do agree somewhat that it's not always a nice thing to pass such comments on. For a manager to do it though, would be a bit passive-aggressive...unless you've got that type of relationship.
As for the person, maybe it was just plain nasty, maybe they were having a really bad day, or maybe they've got issues.
In any case, a stranger's opinion shouldn't count for much.
I hope that you have a great holiday with your boyfriend,
Patti
Speaking as someone who has gone through serious depression I'd like to say that some of your biyfriend's symptoms may get better as the depression clears up. Depression can sometimes cause issues with how the brain/body interprets nerve signals that are normally never noticed by us consciously. Since the brain seldom lets us know about some of these signals it can get confused as to how it is supposed to tell us these nerve signals feel and as a result can misinterpret them as varying degrees of pain or discomfort when none is actually being caused.
I found that information to be enlightening back when I was going through depression since it relieved some concerns I had over why I was feeling strange aches and other physical symptoms.
Hearing something from our boss, our mom, our priest... whoever. IS through the grapevine.
Sure, we trust some people more than others. I trust my Mom and I KNOW for a fact she wouldn't pass on that an irrelevant person said my husband looked like crap.
What is the purpose? you say.. "so I will be prepared on how to deal with the person" Well that is just crazy. Why on earth would the OP's manager want her to have bad feelings toward a customer who pays big buck to the company?
Gossip is manipulation, plain and simple. The source is when you see a human in front of you and their lips are moving. If you hear it from ANYONE else. It's the grapevine.
We tell people things and then wait for their Action. What action was the manager expecting when she shared this useless insult?
She did me the "favor" of calling to tell me that a little girl ( who I loved) was calling my son names..
It was the day before the name calling little girl's birthday party. She trashed this child and said she cussed like a sailor.. I was thinking.. "why is she telling me this"
I figure she didn't like how I was always complimenting this little girl and I feel she thought her own child was going to be passed over in our social circle so she wanted to taint the other child's reputation.
After she was so "helpful" and told me that the little girl was cussing at my son.... My son hadn't mentioned a thing about it to me by the way... imagine my surprise the next day when I arrived at the party and this lady was sitting right next to the cussing girl's mom and schmoozing her up!! The way she insulted the child on the phone I had assumed she and her child weren't going to attend....
I could have told cussing girl's mom that the other Mom was dissing her child.. but I don't roll like that. I figure we all have to find out who we are dealing with on our own. If one person "helpfully" hurts someone's feelings.... They are no friend.
People who know me, well, they know me and aren't going to have the opinions about me changed by the words of a stranger. My actions speak of myself louder than their words.
It's not gossip at that point but a conflict to be solved or resolved.
It's up to the OP to determine if she feels wronged by her manager based on their relation/ dynamic.
It is a very bad idea to mix friendship and employee-supervisor relationship at any work place just for these reasons.
Non the less, I am really sorry for the hurt you are feeling.
or maybe your mgr. was trying to tell you he looks terrible in hopes you would say something to you BF about his hygiene.
You can always wish Karma on them and hope that the dog pees on her bed Christmas morning...
(Bad Patti, Bad Bad Patti)
***sad puppy dog face***