Healthy Relationships Support Group
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So I am still struggling to get my head around my current Husbands cheating past.
It keeps coming up - and I keep over reacting to it! I just really hate cheats.
I didn't know my Husband cheated on his past wives until after I had married him, then it all came clear.
So this morning I find out he had started cheating on his last wife right after their son was born - not the 'story' I had before.
My question is how do I move on from feeling like this about his past. It all seems to full of lies and mis-truths.
Why does it matter to me?
It really makes me sick that he cheated so much during all his marriages.
A recent post from onetoomany asked something similar.
and it got me thinking.
My Husband explains his cheating as 'her fault' and then he goes to 'I don't want to discuss it'. I think Im waiting for him to say he was wrong and shouldn't have done that. His cheating background goes back through all his life with cheating on his wife with his next wife, then cheating on his last wife with her best friend for 8 years ( shame on her too!)
So how do I get past it .
It keeps coming up - and I keep over reacting to it! I just really hate cheats.
I didn't know my Husband cheated on his past wives until after I had married him, then it all came clear.
So this morning I find out he had started cheating on his last wife right after their son was born - not the 'story' I had before.
My question is how do I move on from feeling like this about his past. It all seems to full of lies and mis-truths.
Why does it matter to me?
It really makes me sick that he cheated so much during all his marriages.
A recent post from onetoomany asked something similar.
and it got me thinking.
My Husband explains his cheating as 'her fault' and then he goes to 'I don't want to discuss it'. I think Im waiting for him to say he was wrong and shouldn't have done that. His cheating background goes back through all his life with cheating on his wife with his next wife, then cheating on his last wife with her best friend for 8 years ( shame on her too!)
So how do I get past it .
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
I get it.
Thanks everyone! x
I stuck around in my marriage for 7 years after I realized that things are not going to change. It was a mistake IMO, because I wasted some time, but I wasn't doing nothing because I was getting my career lined up and by the time the shit hit the fan, I was able to go through with the divorce and stand strong on my own.
She did the complete opposite of your husband. She explained in great detail of her cheating escapades trying to validate her cheating and I fell for it.
A cheater that's a repeat offender is definitely something to worry about. I wish you the best and you should really listen to happymama and Aronia. They gave some great views on the matter. I wish you the best.
He is not and that gives you pause
I don't understand that you have a plan to complete school and then move out within a year, have you made him aware of such?
At the moment he controls every penny I have. I have no idea about our finances except that in the last year I have found out that he has debts to the tune of 90k which I was unaware of. He has all the finances in his control, my plan was to retrain and start a new career so I has some money of my own and then I have options.
No I haven't made him aware of that!
But we have discussed it and why I am retraining.
My situation is that I relocated to be with him, he made every effort to make it very difficult for me to work when I moved. Well he insisted he look after me, that sounded kind of ok, but its not is it. Giving someone complete control over what you eat and when isn't great!
My situation is that he works from home, we have staff come into the home. I have expressed to him that I really am unhappy with the situation with people in my home every day. It droves me nuts I hate it. He says 'tough!'. When we first got together he assured me the staff will be working from home, 4 years on and its more than ever . I feel like I live in his office not my home. SO my solution was to put effort into my life and sorting myself out. I have retrained and am now starting my own business. He has been supportive expressing that he wants me to look after him when I am working, financially and emotionally. siiiigh
This fills me with dread.
I don't want to hand over my money I earn to him as I have to ask for every penny. I will resent that, I know I will.
anyway there it is.
he wants you to hand over the money you will be making from your business???!!!
Oh HELL no.
I grew up in a load of dysfunction and wasn't able to make marriage work and I tried more then once... I needed to change a lot of things within myself before I could have had a healthy relationship with another... I gave up the idea of being married and I'm okay with it.. However if I was ever to think of trying again I wouldn't consider it without professional help ...
Would he consider some marriage counselling? ...It may not take a long time to turn this around if you're both willing to do some work.... Big hug and a blessing...xo
I don't want to have to worry about where my earnings go, I would like to be able to just put it in the pot, but I will then have to ask for any when I need something. We have discussed this, it takes 2 I know that.
He has a very inflexible way of living. I have asked him so many times if he could make another arrangement for the office staff so I have some home life. He just said tough shit. He won't consider my feelings on this at all. He says he can't afford to run an office but I am now having to make the commitment to have an office so I can run my business. It makes me sad, but Im okay. Im doing my thing and we will see.
He has supported me in my retraining, although bear in mind he doesn't want me to leave the building ! But with him feeling that way he has still enabled me to re-train - I mean by paying!
I don't know what to think.
I do know that if he didn't have his business in our home I wouldn't have retrained so I can have choices to leave him. This I have told him but he doesn't seem to hear me at all.
We get along ok. If we went on a holiday on a boat in the middle of nowhere it would be nice enough. although there was the time he tried to have sex doggy style with me while another boat was passing by.humiliating! ugh.
what was I saying about it being ok.? siiiigh..
But he was married, every time. And with his last wife ( wife3) he had an affair with her while married to wife 2 so she must have known.
He did say she probably knew he was cheating.not sure why he says that, Im guessing he wasn't very discreet.
but he says no more conversations will be had about the matter and expressed some doubts about my past. I have never cheated, clearly I find it abhorrent.
He's abusive and manipulative, per previous posts, and so, all bets are off. Keep money set aside for yourself and your plan to get out. I wouldn't share your plans to leave with him. That's too much information for him; he'll use it against you and make your life a living hell. I think when you do plan to leave, it may have to be done at a moments notice and without his knowledge, just for your own safety and to keep up your resolve.
This is an awful, miserable man. I'm sorry to say that but there's nothing right about him. You owe him NOTHING. I would get counseling for yourself to help you get a plan in place for leaving. Even if you aren't financially independent yet, there are options. Not everything can wait until the perfect time. The perfect time may never come and you're then stuck, no better off, and maybe even worse than before. I'm so glad you're doing better. Let that be a catalyst to kick it up a notch and get the hell out of there.
Yet again my 15 year old daughter tells me I am always checking if it is okay to feel what I feel. She says Mum you should just accept thats how you feel, its okay to not like stuff you know.
This is when I was talking to her about how I hated the staff coming in the house, I was saying I feel really mean for not liking them in my home.
..she has a point, I do that. and I do feel bad for not liking the situation, it isn't the staffs fault, its just their job. But I do feel mean for feeling unhappy about it.
Whats that all about?!!!
I thought I was doing really good!