Livetowin, I'm not going to keep defending myself while you play ameuter psychologist. Trying to read every nuance, and applying attributes to statments that aren't there. You need to learn to take things at face value. Not ever sentence has some hidden meaning.

If you really want to know about my life and why I am the way you think I am, if you really want to bust out your 'how do you feel about that?; persona, then feel free to inbox me any questions you have. I'll answer them honestly, but I won't swallow your psychobabble as truth everytime you choose to spout it....I will call bullshit when I see it.

Jolene you came here asking for a perspective. But you keep looking for agendas. Every word I said I meant. But I also say it for a reasons just like you ask it for a reasons. Your reaction continues to support the conclusions. But if labeling me is all you have to offer in response, then you weren't looking for a solution so much as a fill up on your resentments. I still wish you the best in your search.

If you are truly a "verbal punching bag" and he truly treats you like a substandard human, then leave. Don't take a break.

If you are truly a "verbal punching bag" and he truly treats you like a substandard human, then leave. Don't take a break.

Wow. Livtown.. Did you read the box where it says "I promise I be nice" .. What the hell is wrong with you?

You actually made a comment about "trumping" her difficulties ten fold. Are you kidding? First off, it's not a competition. Second, really? You have NO idea what else is happening in her life. And third, your first response was honestly rude and disgusting. If you don't have anything decent to say then just move on. This is a SUPPORT group for fuck sake... I've seen your comments on other people's posts and you write like everyone is beneath you, you know everything and you're perfect. Well, if you're so damn perfect and happy then what the hell are you doing in a support group?

Honestly. I never fight with people on here because I think it's stupid. But you know.. You are just being downright rude and its not necessary. You also said that you have more medical bills than she could ever fathom. Again. How do you know that?? You are judging her ENTIRE life based on one post, about ONE aspect of her life.

Anyways. Seriously. I think your posts are nasty and cruel. Not really what is needed in support groups. Why don't you just go back to your perfect fantastic life that none of us could ever imagine and let us low lives get back to helping each other out instead of kicking each other when we're down.

Never works

Just to be clear I wasn't attacking you, your relationship or your parenting of your daughter. I was talking about taking a break from a relationship vs staying together and working things out or vs leaving the relationship. I wouldn't suggest staying in an unhappy relationship and "settling" I was saying that either people are together and trying to work on things and make changes to try and make the relationship work- or they end things. I was saying that breaks in general don't work because one person or the other isn't working on ways to get back together to make the relationship work- if they were going to do that they would do it while in the relationship- not when they are out of it, it's so very easy for one or the other to find someone else.

Update:

In the two weeks since all this began our relationship has improved. Is it sunshine and rainbows? No. But he is finally starting to respect me as a person, seeing me as more then a mom and more like an actual person who doesn't live and breath to serve the family. We are talking more and getting to know one and another all over again.

We still parent our daughter together, we do not fight in front of her...we never have, and we still do things as a family. But we have slowed down our relationship as far as possible without an actual break up.

Am I ready to hop back into bed with him and resume life as it was? No. He has admitted finally that maybe our relationship was in more trouble then he cared to admit....he confessed to turning a blind eye...and we are going to try and repair what has been broken.

I guess I shouldn't of phrased it as a break. We didn't techinically end our relationship at all. We are trying to fix it, as a couple, but we needed to have a degree of seperation to do so.

Jolene:
It could potentially work, but only if you REALLY stick to your guns. You cant just move out of the bedroom ( where he already wasnt giving you attention so it is no loss to him) and still yet do everything that you did before. If you did his laundry; quit it. If you served him dinner, stop it. You REALLY want to use this time FOR YOU and your daughter, and to get yourself back on track- so whatever it is you have done for him in the past, STOPS. Whether or not it to be to shake him up or not, eventually the doing for you and just you and your daughter will become second hand nature- and you will start to remember yourself. That way, if things do end, believe me- they end a lot smoother.
So whats his deal on why he hasnt been trying, or been distant for a few months? Is he perhaps having an affair? I hate to throw that out there... but sometimes, that is how men act when they are.

Wow. I went back and read this entire post and all the comments. What I have to say is this: In MOST relationships, there is only black and white: a can accept it or not accept it attitude. However, there is a gray area that is often times so eagerly annoyed: the "is there anything I can DO about this in order to finally decide if I can or cannot do this".
All she came here asking was whether or not taking a break worked or has worked for others. What she got was judged. Well hell, I might as well be judged too. Consider this: I was with an absolutely amazing and adorable man and still am. I could talk to him about anything except for when it came to us. He had a bit of an avoidant personality; never wanted to rock the boat, and assumed way too much. Of course I didn't know this going into things, but I surely discovered it.

I felt as though I was beginning to lose myself as well; always having to explain to him how I felt and THEN defend myself. For very feasible reasons, such as Jolene has, I couldn't just up and leave- nor did I want to. I told my partner what an adorable and amazing man he was; but that we had some serious communication issues when it came to us. HE chose to ignore my verbiage. I chose to do something about it: take a step back. I knew at that time that I was more than prepared to do whatever it took to keep us together and straddle our communication barrier; whether via counseling or what have you. He wasn't ready. I seen same during my emotional break and that is when I had a hell of a choice on my hands: the battle between black and white.
I could either accept things or I could not. I tried stepping back, taking a break, shaking things up so to speak ( but not punish him). In the end, he decided for what ever reasons HE may have that still not communicating was the way to go. So I decided to go. I had to: Black or white. It took him three weeks and I surely was not waiting, but he came around, signed up for counseling on his own and asked me to take his hand in life.

Real communication is key. I am not going to blanket statement any gender here nor pass judgement. However, taking breaks so that you can focus on yourself ( not in an attempt to get his attention) is healthy. I don't find nothing wrong with it. If, after extending every living thing imaginable to hold things together, you still find yourself and your relationship at pause- I think a break is fair game. Even AS a heavy and very strong couple, my partner and I still take breaks from each other wherein I do my own thing and he his. That is healthy and normal as well.

It isnt like Jolene was sulking until she got her own way. She was setting a boundary, a few of them actually and was announcing a statement as loud and clear as she could: "I will not tolerate this. I don't have to. We need to talk, but I have tried talking with you and faltered. Thus, I am done trying. When you decide to communicate with me, let me know. Otherwise, I am making a LIFE PLAN that does not include you and in two years, I know that I will be gone if I cannot have a communicative and healthy relationship with the man I love."

Its called boundaries, and it is normal. There are things I will not accept in my relationship either. Same as to all. What works for one may not work for others, but I am certainly not here to judge you. You have to do what is best for you.

Having said all that, there is still a way to be with the man you love AND not denying yourself that job you want, the extra monies, etc. Relationships are all about supporting each other. But you have to decide truthfully if you want to see him in your plans or not. Maybe the two of you can put heads together and pan out some new hopes, dreams. etc. And it is OK to have dreams and goals of your own but equally important that he back you with those dreams, etc.

BUT, I do want to say that if you feel the relationship between you two is preventing you in any fashion from embarking on a goal that you have, you can either incorporate him into that ( whether it be him giving you a pat on the back and a leaning shoulder) or not incorporate him. That choice is solely yours.

I was with a man once that decided everything he did was important and nothing I could possibly had done was anywhere near equivocal. The entire relationship was about him. I was miserable. I did spend some time trying to get him to change his mind before I woke up and just said "this isn't acceptable to me. YOU didnt do this to me, I allowed you to do this to me. And bye bye".

I have since become one of the most free people I know even though I am getting married and still have children in the home. In other words, I have a very very supportive partner and our life goals, ideals, etc just mesh incredibly well. I am rambling now ( sugar high, too much coffee)....

but you know if taking a break works, then do so. I would let him and both yourself know however that it couldnt happen again. You dont want to find yourself just spinning circles in your life; you actually want to advance. There is nothing wrong with that.

In my and my occasional lady friend's case, taking periodic breaks absolutely works.

She's more "the man" in this relationship in that she's cold, callous, calculating and utilitarian, uses me for entertainment, and I tend to be "the bitch", the one who is pouring spiritual blood all over the floor and getting nothing in return, which I've come to resent.

Guess we don't really love each other that much.