You should start a daily dairy, writing in it about your emotions and feeling. If you feel comfortable leave it out for him to read if he finds it.
When we read things we cant interrupt or rebuttal, but we still engage with it.
Also while you write down how you feel and and think it will help you as well.

Thank you for your kind words of advice, and I actually think that suggestion could really help :) I will definitely start noting down feelings every day.

What are you doing to manage your anxiety? Are you in individual therapy? If it were me, I'd start there.

Sometimes people tell us who they really are and we tend to gloss over it. He is telling you he can't or won't be who you need because "you expect too much from him." In other words, it is your fault he does blank because you do blank first. Are you willing to settle for this? Some people are kinda of user people who don't want to do any hard emotional work with their love partners or have to change. Or maybe they don't really have empathy or the ability to understand another person's emotions or needs, let alone "fulfill" them. Do you think it possible you expect too much from him or does your gut tell you he isn't interested in more with you? Sometimes we do think people should be able to fill all our needs but they can't. Sometimes we expect others to complete us or heal us and this thinking is a myth. If we have problems before the relationship, we are carrying those same problems into the relationship as there is no magic want. You not being your true self, trying to be perfect 24/7 is way too hard on yourself and isn't honest for him. If he thinks you are this perfect person with no problems and then you want more romance and perhaps he sees this as an expectation he can't fulfill. I know someone who is a user and when it gets real with their love partners, this dude no longer finds them useful and he moves on. You don't push the idea of couples counseling because he shut it down (maybe he doesn't want to change???). Stop negating yourself because you have value and worth as yourself. All we can work on or change is ourselves. Yes, go to counseling for yourself. A good therapist can be very helpful (a bad one not so much so if the first one isn't good, find another). My hope for you is that you find your value and your voice. Hugs.

I am a very emotional person and I get anxiety pretty bad. I love my husband and very lucky to have him.

You gotta take care of you. I can't tell if he's for you or your for him. You can love eachother but doesn't always mean its going to be to
Ight for eachother.

For it to work he has to be able to sit down at times and hear how you feel and try to understand your not trying to be overwhelming.but at the same time you gotta understand there's only so much a person can handle with out being overwhelmed.

People often forget no relationships perfect where its always sunshine and roses.they require a lot of work and understanding of one another.

He should be showing affection by cuddling you and kissing you and giving a neck or shoulder rub here and there just like you should be with him. If I couldn't kiss my husband or cuddle up to him at random times I'd be frustrated as well. Because it keeps me calmer and relaxed.

What couples don't realize at times there always wrapped up in there everyday life with there work or with the kids I got a 5 year old girl and a 2 month old baby boy which I cherish them that takes up a lot of my time but that helps with my anxiety and makes me happy.but I always will find time for my husband 1 way or another even if its only a half hour of the day. Because he's important to me and he works hard so I can be the stay home mommy and keep up with the house work.

To be fair, I think affection and romance and how much is required is subjective. My husband and I are not romantic people. We are affectionate in private. In fact he’s more the type to cuddle and want to sit right next to each other. Me, not so much.

If your boyfriend shows no affection whatsoever, like you are his buddy vs partner, I think that’s cause for concern. But I have to be honest... having body issues, anxiety and depression, I think you do have to take a step back and work on that so you have a healthy mindset and are a healthy person to be in a relationship with. I think until you do that, you may always struggle with knowing if the person is just not right for you or if there are underlying things driving the disconnect.

I’m not saying it’s you and he’s right. I’m saying working on yourself may give you clarity on not only yourself but your relationship, him, etc.

Thank you all for your insight into this. It’s definitely given me a lot to think about.

I think my main issue I have in terms of affection/romance is that he was very attentive at the start. More so than me, more so than what I was used to.

I know Some people might suggest that was just the honeymoon period.

But to go from so much...to feeling like he’s pulling away from me physically triggered my anxiety and made me feel like he must have fallen out of love with me or doesn’t find me physically attractive anymore.


As the insecurities grew so did the distance between us and I feel like anything I do now to fix things just makes things worse.

I want to be confident in myself and I want to do it for the right reasons...but it’s just difficult.
But initiating physical contact and getting rejected surely must be hurtful to anyone...not just someone with anxiety.

I’ve tried speaking to him about it in so many different ways, tried distracting myself with other things .
He says he wants us to just be okay for now and meet up and have fun and not argue...which I agree with, but then it’ll be a month and nothing changes intimately.

I think all aspects of a relationship are important and need to be nurtured. And I would like a romantic partner instead of friendship/companionship.
Which I have said to him and he either says I expect too much or I need to give it time.

I just don’t know how comfortable or safe it makes me feel waiting or hoping for something that may never happen,

Do you think this guy is not interested in sex? There can be more to intimacy than physical touching or sex. Intimacy can be knowing their deepest secrets, their likes in food, what book they are reading, and how they feel about their childhood or past loves. Sharing one’s thoughts and feelings. A platonic friendship can be intimate without sexual involvement. Some relationships are surface level, we don’t really know about a persons past, secrets, likes or dislikes but we go to movies, eat out, or go to social events together.

Its a tough world out there. Because when it comes to loving someone you could be hurting them just as much as they could hurt you emotionally and not realize and may not being seing thru for what there really trying to tell you or your trying to tell them and he may be right or you may be right and the defensive side may come out.

I wish it was always the lovey duvie romantic phase.but sometimes you have to go thru the not so great phases to appreciate when the time is good.

There's a rule I have no matter how irritated we are at eachother before bed and before setting out we kiss each other and tell each other we love each other no matter what.

How long have you been together?

If he says he wants you guys to just be okay for now and meet up and have fun and not argue, then I would take that to mean he is telling you he wants to just see where things go. It sounds like he's trying to be honest with you. You may be asking him for something he's unable to give, and so I think if you want something different, then of course, you have to consider that he may not be right for you.

Big hug for you Sj…. I'm sorry that you're struggling right now

Has your anxiety been better or worse since being on AD's.... They can trigger more anxiety in some people.... Here's a little paragraph about it

How do antidepressants trigger fear and anxiety?

Researchers map the anxiety circuit in the brain and use a compound to limit fearful behavior -- an acute side effect of commonly prescribed SSRI antidepressants. This turned out to increase the 2C-receptor neurons' inhibitory effect on the neighboring VTA- and LH-projecting neurons, worsening fear and anxiety behavior in mice.

I agree that the honeymoon period changes however not having any intimacy isn't the norm either in a healthy relationship

I think from what you've written therapy could help you a great deal with self esteem and loving yourself … Perhaps a more specific therapy such as a cognitive therapy

That will help you a great deal moving forward regardless of your partner....You feeling good about you will be a wonderful thing to wake up to

There's a good Anxiety board on here.... xo

I’m going through a rough patch and have thought about couple counseling. I’m
Not sure my wife would go for it. Is it abnormal for the husband to recommend the counseling. That sounds sexist as I typed that. It’s not intended that way. Just feel like there’s no hope of finding the groove we were in before marriage.

Hi kenfused, I know what you mean by saying that. If you don’t mind me asking, what makes you think that your wife won’t be interested In counselling?

I’ve heard of many people saying that things change after marriage, and I honestly don’t have an answer to why that might be, maybe it’s just the security and routine leads to complacency.

But communication is always what I feel is a massive help in these moments, are you worried if you bring it up with her what her answer might be? Or has she expressed directly that she doesn’t like the idea previously.

Sometimes if we fear someone is feeling negatively about us, it stops us from sharing our true wants and opinions in case we push someone away further.
But not sharing brings its own problem, it creates a distance for you, and you deserve to be heard, you deserve to have your feelings validated.

kenfused- If you are interested in couple's counselling, I would definitely bring it up! I don't think it is weird for men to suggest it. If you think it will help, tell your wife and explain why you want this. Make sure to let her know that you're not trying to hurt her in any way, especially if she feels like your marriage is fine. Even if she refuses to go to counselling, your feelings will be out on the table and you may be able to talk things out on your own.

Sjcapri- I think it is unusual for your partner to not want intimacy out of the blue. Have you directly asked him why he feels this way? If he is telling you that you're too much, then maybe it's time to end the relationship. Partners should be just that- partners! If he thinks that you are too much to deal with, then he isn't going to be there for you when you need him. Couple's counselling is a great idea, and it's always worth a shot as long as he's willing to try.