Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I am new to this group but I lost my son at 31 weeks 5 days into my pregnancy and delivered him in August. Everything about life has been difficult since. The thing I am struggling with the most right now is my relationship with my husband. We have always been very good at communicating and through our loss we did a great job at being there for one another. Now, though there is constant tension (at least from my end) and we never talk about our son. I am getting so irritated and closing myself off to him because he hurts me without even realizing he is doing it, on top of the daily hurt I feel from losing our son.
Does anyone have any words of encouragement, advice, or has anyone been where I am before? I can't stand that I feel this way toward him, I feel bad for feeling this way, but a lot of times I would rather not be around him because of my feelings. :/
What did you guys do to ensure that your marriage didn't fall apart after a tramatic loss?
Thanks <3
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I think what you are describing is not uncommon after a such a loss. This didn't happen to me, but my cousin lost her baby during delivery and it took a toll on their relationship. I know that they went to counseling together, and she also did individual counseling. Their relationship ultimately ended but there were existing issues between them prior to losing their child. My cousin found that the therapy with her partner and her individual therapy were both very helpful to her. I hope you are reaching out to someone. She also joined a grief support group.
I'm really sorry this happened to you and your husband.
I was not as far along as you were, so I can't even imagine what you went through...but my relationship with my husband also became very strained after even though he was trying his best to be there for me.
The only thing that made things better in that respect was getting pregnant again and holding our living child for the first time.
I always wanted that first baby and nothing can replace him, but moving on with a living child seemed to lessen the pain and we both were able to come to terms with what happened only then.
I wish all the best for you. This is such a hard time of your life. Hugs
You may also have some postpartum depression on top of the grief you're feeling so I would make an appt to see your doctor
Sometimes people turn away from one another during loss.....
People feel survivors guilt at times.... Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote very good book(s) on Death and Dying and the stages we can go through.... It's important though to stand together and not turn away....
I think with some help you can work through this pain as a couple
Another hug and a blessing..... Again I am very sorry for you loss.....xo
I too had my relationship seem to fall apart. Men tend to process emotiin differently and so if theyre suffering it can be hard to tell and even harder for them to express it or do the work of meeting your emotion needs for communicatiom of support.
He might be feeling very helpless that he couldnt protect you or his child. I feel for both of you and hope your grieving is full of loving realizations and resolution amd that you eventually find peace with the terrible loss.
For me I realised I needed to expand my support system beyind my partner during those times because while I needed him to be kind gentle and loving he needed to be alone. It was hard for me tounderstand but ultimately our needs in a relationship are equally important and deserve tobe met.
My suggestiin is to keepfinding ways to getsupport from other women, support groups, counselinf, crisis lines. there are mamy low cost services available amd for the sake of your partners amd yours sanity you need to get all the suppot and loveyou can. Just be careful to mind his limits as a human being, learn about how men process grief differently, give him the space he is asking for and be straight forward and verbally clear when you do need support from him about what type amd what you need specifically.
It will spare him the anxiety of guesswork and make it easier for you too.
Just be kind to give him time to respond im his time (avoid any demanding immediate responses or emergency needs. Call a crisis line if youre overwhelmed)
He's probably hurting too. Maybe this is obvious but men sure are hard to read sometimes. So thought I'd mention.
Good luck dear