Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Dw1610_ 08/02/2016

Me and boyfriend been together for 9 months already and we make on year on my birthday, October 16.We have a problem right now, other then arguing.We might be parents and we're only 15 & freshmen's..But before that happened, we constantly fight everyday.He's a controllable bf.I can't talk to boys,wear shorts sun dress skirts crop tops, he does not let me go out to parties.I hate that about him and that causes us to fight.I love him so much be he is sooo annoying.He irks my soul.I tell him to stop and to get use to me wearing shorts and stuff and he gets even more mad and says I never listen.When we argue, we're both petty and stubborn.Hes basically the other half of me.We say nasty things to each other and it takes a toll on us.When we argue otp he calls his brother or friend and they start saying oh you remember that girl and start laughing.It gets me mad but I just say IDC ansd start saying you wouldn't mevto say this.But Ik we don't mean it.My boyfriend isn't the type to look at girls,comment/like their pics, talk to other girls, he is very loyal.Tgats what I love about him.I just want to improve things so if I am pregnant, we could be a little happy family

Sally_Cinnamon27 08/02/2016

Hi
The first thing you need to do is buy a pregnancy test or visit your local healthcare centre to get them to do it. Once you know, you can then start thinking about what happens next. My advice based on what you've said so far is if you're not, try hard to not get in this situation again. I'm not judging you because I know how easily these things can happen, but I promise you having a baby is not the way to fix the relationship or make it stronger. You probably don't want to head this but if he's trying to control you now that's not a good sign for the future. At all. You are young with your whole life ahead of you (cliche I know!) so look after yourself.
As the mum of a 14 year old girl, I really hope you can talk to your parents about this. If not, I am happy to support you through this, as I'm sure are many others on this site.

But first things first, find out if you're pregnant.

Good luck x

rmb 08/02/2016

Yep first find out for sure you're pregnant. If you are, tell your parents and talk to them. They need to know and you will need their support.

You are wise to know his behavior is not right. With that must come the wisdom that having a child together will not change him.

I hope you're not pregnant. I really do. I'm not judging you either, just wishing more for you, and that you don't have to be rushed into adult decisions so young.

gebaird 08/02/2016

I almost became a father at age 16. It turned out my girlfriend wasn't pregnant after all, but I still remember how scared I was. Waiting until you are older is definitely better, but if you are pregnant then you'll need a lot of support from parents, etc. Getting married to this guy is not your only option. I've been married for 20 years and don't tell my wife how to dress. That seems pretty controlling to me, and a possible indicator of bigger relationship problems down the road. He is young and so are you. There is so much for you both to learn and experience as you figure out who you are and want to become. If there are problems with the relationship now, marriage and/or the pressures of raising a child could make them a lot worse. No relationship is perfect, but being with a kind and loving and committed person is a pretty amazing experience (and one worth waiting for).

rmb 08/02/2016

I have a step daughter who got pregnant at 16. All the things you are saying, she had said. It is stressful but you are putting the cart before the horse. Adults can tell you all day long about how you are too young and have your whole life ahead of you. It's all true but I realize that at your age that seems unfathomable since a teen's brain, the part that can decipher cause and affect, consequences, etc, is not fully developed yet. So, please get a test and ask your parents for guidance. Your parents (or other responsible adult) need to be involved, as they are responsible for you. Your boy friend's behavior... that's important but pregnancy, regardless of his behavior, that's a big deal. If you were my kid, I'd want you having these discussions with me.

Sally_Cinnamon27 08/02/2016

True. I maybe wrongly worded my comment- I would definitely want my daughter to talk to me in this situation.

rmb 08/02/2016

Oh, Sally, I don't think you worded your comment wrongly; sorry if I sounded that way. I think we both feel it's just super important for the poster to get her parents involved, as much as it may seem that parents would not understand what she's going through.

Sally_Cinnamon27 08/02/2016

I wish there was a "like" button on here!
Definitely. If it was my girl I'd hate to think of her going through these feelings on her own.

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