Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

9,961 Members
13,641 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Healthy Relationships Support Group

Still at it

emjaybar
emjaybar

We were supposed to visit my children over the weekend and then take a day by ourselves to see some sights.  Friday was a good day, but Friday night got heated again.  He can't let things go regaqrding my 'lack of attention toward him'.   He, again  brought up the frequency of kisses and hugs I give him.  He feels 3-4 times a day is not enough nor normal.  What IS normal when it comes to things like this?  We argued, I asked if we could just not dwell on this area but look at the positive.  He says there's nothing positive about it.  He told me he daoen't want me to move into the new house this weekend.  Nice, huh? I went to bed.  He had made a withdrawal from the bank Thursday for the trip, so I asked him if I could have some cash and he said NO.  REALLY?  He at least didn't take my debit card so I could still make some purchases.  



I had to lie about his absence.  I told my youngest son and oldest daughter about the troubles.  My son was pissed.  My daughter was very rational and practical and actually gave me some points on how to behave toward Wes.  My son is home from being away overseas for the past 4 years with the Marine Corps and he wants to get together, alone.  I am so depresses, I can't stop crying.  I don't want to see anyone.

ltwist
ltwist
Emjay, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's baffling, confusing, upsetting, startling and unrelenting behavior. I became severely depressed when I was in a relationship with a similar character. Sounds like you have strong, smart kids. Let them help you. Nothing wrong with a little help from family. Stay strong!
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Do you think this will be any better in a year or five years from now?... Do you want to be in this same place years from now?... This is what I'd be asking myself... This princess is tooooooooooo much work IMHO.... Big hug... xo
emjaybar
emjaybar
I;ve been asking myself 'Do I want to live out my golden years like this?' I don't know how badly I need to modify my behavior toward him. I have to true to myself! Is it fair that I try super hard only to have him want more? I even posed that discussion: will it ever be enough? He won't give me the chance. He has this Eeyore outlook. We'll see what happens after we move.
KSprizzle89
KSprizzle89
When you speak of frequency of kisses and hugs and that 3-4 times a day is not enough nor normal, do you mean just hugging and kissing 3-4 times a day or more than that? For me personally, I like 50 kisses a day or so....LOL! I love kissing and hugging. The more the better in my opinion. Everyone is different though, I would recommend a class on communication between yall as that seems to be an issue, if yall want to stay together that is.
emjaybar
emjaybar
He's very needy and I feel smothered at times. Why do hugs and kisses or any kind of affection have to be quantified? I want to give and receive hugs because they're wanted, not because I'm obligated.
rmb
rmb
His antics seem to surprise you when already know this is his pattern and the dynamic between you and him.


At a certain point you have to just accept that this is who he is and it's never going to change. Once you do accept that, it then is not about him, but you and your choices. It comes down to you either stay and live with or you don't .
Misred
Misred
Uh, to me...something is off here and I hope I am wrong. He appears to be setting you up for failure. You can't win, therefore you are undeserving of him. The big withdrawal is suspicious too. I'm thinking someone else is in the picture. Not sure if he is serious about this other person, but your man sounds like a cake eater to me.
Lenoire
Lenoire
I concur with Misred, I too am suspicious of the large withdrawal.
emjaybar
emjaybar
The withdrawal was not large, just for the weekend get-away to my daughter's that he never went on. You're right MRB, this is his MO. I have an appointment in 2 weeks with a marriage counselor.
mirandac
mirandac
I hope your meeting alone with marriage counselor,
I enjoyed going to mine alone she met ex and it did
Not go well for the marriage but i got her opinion. That
Was the big bonus, she told me to leave him anong many
Other things. HUGS
emjaybar
emjaybar
Mirandac......I am going alone because he feels it's all my fault. I'm looking forward to meeting her. It seems your visit was bittersweet but I hope you're happy. ❤️
emjaybar
emjaybar
Mirandac.....I am meeting alone because my husband feels everything's my fault. Im looking forward to my meeting. I'm sorry about your marriage, I do hope you're happy.
mirandac
mirandac
We all need to decide for ourselves about our
Marriage. It was just nice to be validated with
Someone that met him. I moved on to a different
Therapist that was for all me she told me to leave
Him too. I stayed and tried some more, it did not
Work out. We are now divorced and he is with his
GF. I dont know if i am at thappy stage yet. .HUGs
Misred
Misred
when you said the withdrawl was large I took it to mean bigger than normal...enough for the trip. The fact that he withheld it from you is what I find suspicious. Why not give it to you or put it back in the account. It is being used for something he is keeping secret. That's all I'm saying here. If I was cheating on my partner and partner wanted us to go out of town or somewhere I would see it as an opportunity. Act like I was going and get the money we would need to go. Then cause a problem that would be partners fault to justify my not going. Keep the money while acting like a jerk and then use it when partner goes without me.
koolman
koolman
There is no "normal", there is only what is acceptable and pleasurable to both people, is a compatibility that needs to be worked out. This so-called standard of normalcy is what makes people miserable
Posts You May Be Interested In