Long Distance relationships are hard and require more trust and communication. Have you talked to your partner about this? Have you asked him why? Have you explained how it makes you feel? I have a little bit of trust and jelousy issues and I know that it stems from being lied to, cheated on and abused in my past. Today I was talking to my current partner and his phone kept going bing like every minute so I just asked him and he said he was getting notifications because people were commenting on photos of some work he did that he posted online because he has been having trouble finding work. My mind Automatically went to the worst possible scenario. The point Im trying to make is that you need to talk about it otherwise your imagination can run wild especially if you have been hurt in the past also communication is so important and can help buit trust and a healthy foundation for you relationship. Just make sure you dont come off like your accusing or blaming him. I would say something like " can I ask you why you have chosen to remain friends with your Ex's? Listen to what he says and then make sure to Focus on you. Follow up with how it makes you feel. I wouod say something like. "I Understand that( insert his justification here for keeping in contact) but it makes me feel insecure not because I dont trust you but because I feel like by them being friends with you its leaving a door open in their mind to try and persue you agin." (Or what ever reason thats leading to your insecurities). And then you guys can come to a compromise together.

How long have you been in the relationship, and how public is it? Does he allow photos of the two of you on social media? Does he allow you to tag him in posts? Does he hit the "like" button on your posts?

I'd say if he is showing you off and the relationship is visible to these exes, this is a good sign. I don't know what to make of guys staying "friends" with exes myself, but this does enable you to keep an eye on her/them and see if they are hanging out with him in person.

@Emerald0743

Thank you for your reply!
Yes, I have spoken to my partner about this. He really dismissed my feelings and told me that he would remain "friends" with her. In other words, I just had to accept it.

Well, that has added fuel to this fire. I thought if I told him how bad it made me feel he would understand and respect our relationship. However, that conversation just ended without a solution.

I guess I already know what all of this means. The lack of respect for my feelings is very telling.

Again, thank you for the recommendations!

With social media, many people like everything and everyone. Some people do use it to remain in contact but it is also like a game. The main issue here is does your BF like and respond to their posts? Does he see them in person? You have to look at this objectively and drop your own emotions about not being good enough or you may cause problems with this guy. But, if this guy gives you reason to know that you are second fiddle to a bunch of women, then this is a red flag. If he treats women as notches on his belt, or as sexual objects, this is a red flag. Think it out on paper, be wise and logical.

Your BF has a past, like you have a past. Your jealousy can't erase his past. He may love the attention he gets on social media if he is posting stuff every day. "Hey, look at my great dinner!" I know several people that are on social media all the time and post such dumb things but it is their game and it is a plea for attention (in my opinion). Your BF is open about his social media as far as you know, you do get to see who likes him and who are his friends or followers. I have a relative and everyone that he has ever known is a connection on his social media including ex lovers, etc. It is a numbers game to him. We are friendly in person with my husband's ex because we do not want to be at war with her. We are not friendly with my ex because my ex wants to be at war with me and he is a scumbag and inflictor of pain. In person, we are polite and pleasant.

@11Christmases

Thank you for your reply!
We have been together for almost 1 year and a 1/2.
He does allow photos of us on social media. He doesn't always hit the "like" button on my posts. I did a little snooping and this is how I saw that they liked each other posts. My insecurities took a major nose dive yesterday especially after seeing that. Already feeling lonely and frustrated with everything going on this made me really question my relationship and his intentions, and respect or lack of.

I wish I really knew why people need to remain friends with their exe's. Especially when things ended so bad.
What sort of gratification do people get when doing so?

Again, thank you for your words!!

@urbangardener

Thank you for your reply!
You made a valid point some people do use social media as a game. People get gratification and an ego boost when they have multiple followers and a trillion "likes". I get the psychology behind it.

He claims to have seen her about two years. I'd like to believe him; however, it has hard to believe that they have not bumped into each other. Especially because they have lots of mutual friends.

Also, you are right we both have a past. I can't ask him to stop talking to anyone if he doesn't want to. I guess I really want to know what is the need behind keeping in contact with an ex that has done you so wrong??!?

I had sort of a long reply and then it got deleted. DS does not have an "undo" button.

In short - stop talking to him about it. Make him think that backing away from these exes is his idea. Guys' egos are different and they will only buy into something if they think it's their idea or they are "winning". So you need to pull away from him a little...post pics of you and other friends having fun and make sure there are guys in the picture. Try to go out and make this happen, or post one of those "memory" things and tag a guy friend but it's better if it is new. This is the way to get his attention and make him feel like he's "losing" you so he can try to "win". You can't really let on that you're unhappy with him, but act more like you're forgetting about him and having more fun with the other guys. I know it's stupid and immature and I apologize for suggesting this to a grown adult, but this is coming from years of being single in my 40s, reading several books from the male perspective, subscribing to dating coach channels, and observing many people in my singles groups, plus my own teenage son. All of them agree that men are very simple and have to feel like they are winning. I am totally on your side, but the male brain is very simple and somehow he feels he needs to prove something by staying active on their social media - make yourself an irresistable challenge.

You wrote: I guess I really want to know what is the need behind keeping in contact with an ex that has done you so wrong??!?

Okay so here is my best guess. You know this man best so if you observe him, if you listen to him, notice his actions, reactions, behaviors, something will click. People keep in contact with the ex that has done them wrong for probably a million reasons. Maybe hopeful that the person will come back. Maybe wanting attention. Maybe wanting revenge. Maybe wanting to show this ex that they have another lover and don't need them any longer. Maybe they miss that former person. Maybe they want the ex to think of them and so hopefully live in regret, etc. Maybe they never healed from the break up. Maybe they are users and like to keep in contact even with "an ex who did them wrong" because they are users and this is user behavior. Maybe its narcissistic behavior. Maybe your man is a bit "off" and kind of stalkerish. Maybe your man lives in the past. Maybe your BF has lied about their relationship and it is still ongoing or she dumped him. Maybe he wants a do-over. As 11 said, maybe your man needs to feel he has won or has power over the ex.

A million reasons and I may not even have a clue in that list. Think about how this guy is, and who this guy is. Either accept him for who he is and how he is or move on for your own betterment. If you think his being too involved with various ex's is a problem, get ready for this problem for the rest of your life with him should you marry. He isn't going to change. Do not take this personally as about you and something you lack that makes him want to contact his ex. Take this as about HIM and his personality and if it bothers you, run. Now you know. He is who he is and it is not about you or your lack. It is about something inside of him and you know his personality best to decide. Face up to who he really is, someone who wants to be in contact with his ex. Has nothing to do about you.

Some people are just strange, difficult, weird, narcissistic, problematic and they do things that don't make sense to other people.

I have been friends with more then one of my ex's on social media as well as old friends that I don't see anymore

For me it's just a little staying in touch and it's nice to see how they're doing....

No more then that and I always hope that things are going well in their lives.... We've all moved on and there's no deep seeded issue for me...

It would bother me if someone wanted me to unfriend someone for no good reason IF there was nothing untoward going on.....

I get that you're feeling a little insecure but is there a reason for that do you think??

I'm friends with my ex husband's daughter on FB and it would bother me if someone said to unfriend her.... I wouldn't do it I don't think but neither would I want to hurt someone I cared about

I think trying to figure out why you're feeling upset or threatened by this might help??

If he's lied or been unfaithful for instance that would be a whole other story??

Hello changes2083, I will say some people usually feel that way when they see their partner relating closely with their Ex. If a relationship doesn’t work out it does not mean they are enemies. Some people choose forgiveness and friendship after divorce. They can still be friends and like each other’s post on social media. He cannot tell the Ex not to like his post. He is allowed to have friends as long as that relationship does not threaten your relationship. You should rather concentrate on how you and your partner communicate rather than your partner and others. It’s always a challenge for long distance relationship. Try regularly schedule your time together making voice and video calls over text messages. Our emotional state will either attract or repel our partner. Most partners want to be around a happy go person. But unfortunately, some of the things they do may be upsetting. They key is staying calm and having constructive discussions about things affecting your relationship. Best wishes dear

@11Christmases
@urbangardener
@SunCloudJD
@Ollyvie

Thank you all for your comments! I appreciate all of your opinions. I will definitely reevaluate my relationship. I know that I can't be with someone who does not care about my feelings let alone not respect them. I know this has much to do with my own insecurities; however, I know deep down inside I know someones dismissive behavior will not work for me. I don't want that from a partner.

Sometimes, I really question the validity of my relationship and if it works for me....it is nice to have perspective from others.

Thank you all for your kind words!!!

I like 11christmases response too if you want to salvage the relationship. I have been on both sides of this story and I can tell you it won't end well. We can't change how people feel so I would just tell him it's you or them. You feel jealous and maybe it's an intuition thing. The point is it makes you uncomfortable and like you said it's not like he has kids with these women. I don't believe in being friends with exes especially if either cheated. He may still be hung up on her. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who cheated on me. Whatever you decide it has to work for both of you. If he thinks your being silly with your request he is not the one. It means he values those friendships more than your relationship. Anyhow just my two cents. Good luck to you.