you aren't going through anything. at all. You just want two men screwing you and providing for you.

So far, it's working for you since neither has had enough pride to dump you..

I suppose your distress is that the "wrong" one will do it and you'll have to recruit another man to take his place.

I suspect you may already be looking for a third guy--just in case.

The ego boost of convincing two guys to only have a piece of you, how's that working out?

I know you're not in love with either one. Needy yes, but not love.

Maybe you should consider not having any men at all for awhile until you figure out what's gone wrong in your life.

Honestly from reading your post it dose appear that you are using both men for your selfish needs. Put yourself in their situation and tell us how you would feel if some guy just wanted you around for a piece of ass and that was it. Or the guy that may really love you and wants to take care of you is good for that, but cant give you what you want in bed.
My suggestion is that if neither man can actually make you happy then stop leading them both on and move on with your life and find someone that can.

Damn- Thats the first thing that comes to mind. Yeah, it sounds like you are being selfish- I agree with the other comments. How did you expect people to react to a post like this? Did you want someone to agree, and say sure- Have your cake and eat it too- I mean, isn't this what we persecute men for all the time, and call them dogs? The only advise I can give, is that you work on yourself. What ever the problem is, that won't let you be faithful to one person, when that is what they deserve. If you feel like you just can't live with the sex life that the nice guy gives you, do him a favor, and let him go!

I agree with the others: you are being very selfish.
From your other post, it looks like your husband died about a year ago.
Have you sought counseling/therapy for help in dealing with that? If you aren't currently in therapy, I suggest you seek some. It sounds like you are justifying your behavior as "ok" simply because they know about one another. But clearly they aren't ok with it, so that's not ok. It's quite possible that you are trying to fill the void of your late husband, rather than processing the loss in a healthy manner. There truly is nothing wrong being alone. In fact, learning how to be happy being alone is the first step in every being happy in a relationship. As you said, you arent happy with either of these men, so it seems the reason you hold on is a fear of being alone. Go to therapy, find a way to commit to only one of them or if neither is right for you, stop seeing them both.
Especially the man who is "a good man." He doesn't deserve to be used. No one does. I doubt that you are meaning to hurt either of them, but that's the problem with selfishness, we prioritize our needs over anyone else's, and others do get hurt, regardless of our intention.

Thanks for all your replies... I agree that I am being selfish... Yes I lost my husband a year ago & no I have not gone to counseling for that... I am not looking for no man to take care of me. I wanted something that was taking from. I feel that am searching for what I lost... Thanks happymama2j I will take your advice & seek counseling...

If you just lost your husband a year ago you may not be ready for any sort of commitment at this point.... It sounds like you appreciate John but don't really care that much about him?? and the other guy ...well it just is what it is...
Maybe working through your grief and being there for your family is what you need more then anything right now... Grief is so hard to work through due to the pain.... No one will ever replace your husband mrs...
There is a really good Widow and Widowers board on here that may be a good support for you... Big hug...xo

Widows and Widowers Board

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/widows-widowers

I don't know how old your children are and if your husband was their father, but it is probably a bad idea to have children be around either man.
As far as being selfish - you should not accept money or any kind of emotional support from either men.
If you want a relationship - you need to give back, which you are clearly not ready to do.
If you want to have FUN then have fun. Spend your time with these men as a friend in a true meaning of this word. I am sure you know what I mean.
You wouldn't do the same thing to your female friends - like their their money, etc.
You had a husband, you don't need a husband right now. Enjoy your freedom and heal from grief .
Do not bring your men to family functions, don't bring them around your kids - have sex and date.

Selfish is harsh to me. I think it's more about being confused and afraid to be alone and filling the void you have. I think losing a spouse can profoundly change you and affect how you see yourself and your place in this world.

Step back and maybe just make sure you are in the best possible place emotionally to have a relationship, because when you are in a good place, then you will have absolute clarity on what it is you really want.

Thanks so much rmb. Yes losing a spouse and other significant men in my life (father & uncle) has affected my view & my place in life. I was not in a good place when i started these relationships. I don't know what I want. It's hard trying to live in a life that you don't want. I will make the right decision.

Thanks again for everyone responses.. MrsPitt826