She probably thinks nothing is wrong... you might want to go in a route that she is willing to take. Will she read books or listen to audio?

Unless you really think something is wrong... I would be very serious and tell my spouse ... i need you to do this our marriage depends on it. That might get her attention.

What did she say when you asked her why she doesn't want to go?

Maybe, pre-counseling, I can help here. What is it about your communication in the 2 months of being married that you feel has changed since before you got married? Or did you two always have communication problems? And what do you feel is the problem? One of you is open, the other closed off? Or you two misinterpret, misunderstand what each other say?

When I ask her to go with me she says she doesn't have to because I am the problem.

We always had communication problems, I went to therapy before getting married again alone. The therapist taught me a lot and basically the issue is that I am very literal and logical, not emotional at all and I would agree with that completely. My wife on the other hand is very emotional and not logical, she basically leads with her emotions. As much as I understand it I don't know how to fix that.

In my opinion which is bias I know - every time I try to talk she just brushed it off as a me problem and since I'm the problem I have to fix it

don;'t make her go to your therapist. She is already defensive.

Have her help you pick out a marriage counselor together.

If there is a problem communicating, then it is both your problem, not just yours.

What is she afraid of anyway?

Scientifically speaking, your communication style is not exactly abnormal. Men tend to communicate in a more strait-forward (literal) manner that lacks in emotion, whereas women tend to have a communication style that is more emotion based and not quite as literal as with men. That's just how we're raised in western culture.


Anyways, communication by definition requires more than one person, so your wife needs to step up and take partial responsibility for this problem. It's unfair (and to be honest, also a bit abusive) for her to place all the blame on you.

When someone says : " you are the problem" and refuses to go to counseling, to me this speaks volumes. There is no such thing as 1 person guilty of everything that's wrong. I am afraid that this marriage is not going to work out.
I am sorry that things are so difficult.

Maybe a different approach? A couple's weekend?

I like that idea. Sometimes just switching things up, getting away, even if just for overnight, can help you both just relax and open up to each other.

Counseling doesn't always help in these situations. Especialy if one partner refuses to admit that they play a role in the problem too.


My mother has been this way with my dad (and the rest of the family) for as long as I can remember. No problem is EVER her fault (even partially) and the blame ALWAYS falls on someone else. Usually she blames things on my dad, but she'll also blame problems on anyone else too.

It can be very embarrassing to eat out with my family as my mother will do this sort of thing in public too. If there's any kind of communication problem when dealing with staff at a restaurant she'll loudly blame or complain about the staff while they're walking away (she talks as though they can't hear her).


Even when I was very little I can remember some of the things she would shift all the blame for onto my dad not making much sense given how obvious it was that it was actually her fault or partially her fault. One of the more common instances was her blaming my dad for things that SHE had done or said. She would sometimes even twist things around while trying to justify herself and turn arguments with my dad into her telling me (when I was really little) that dad didn't "love us anymore". Referring to her and I.


My parents even went to couseling together, but it didn't seem to help much (if at all). She still refuses to accept responsibility for her role in problems and tries to shift the blame entirely onto other people.

One thing I've learned from other DS members is that therapy/counseling only works if the person wants to change and acknowledges that they have a problem.

If you have already gone to individual counseling and found it helpful, then that's a huge message to her that you are willing to do the work it takes to improve the relationship. Her saying you are the problem is not being honest or fair. I would suggest offering it(marriage counseling) to her as an enhancement or enrichment. It could help her learn to understand you better and communicate with you better. It would benefit you both.

I guess you thought this would change after marriage. Problems intensify when people get married especially the first year. It sounds honestly like you need to cut your losses and get divorced or it annulled. Maybe a lawyers letter stating it will open her eyes. Likely she'll still blame you. I say just get out now and be more careful with the next one.