Look if you want something to change you need to talk about it. If you want sex initiate it. Otherwise it looks like you and him are at a stalemate. I know it gets old initiating all the time but isn't it better than nothing.

Sometimes people just don’t match sexually, some want more, some less.
Some more confident at initiating, some aren’t.
Does he push your advances away, does he try to do the “deed” and just be done with it?
I can safely say I want more sweet loving than my bf, and yes I do feel you, I want some swooping too, some primal - cave humping. But I accept my man how he is.
Do you love him, does he love you?
Don’t be shy, just talk about it. And take more active role, spice it up, don’t wait for something to happen, make it happen!

I think sometimes men tend to think just because were women and "delicate creatures" we don't want sex as much as them. Try just being honest and telling him your needs and fantasies. Also if he has certain requests don't shut him out right away. You need to establish a safe sexual environment for the both of you. When we get in a rut I sometimes have to schedule our sexy time. We get so busy in our lives and I want something more than 10min and falling asleep. Ill send a text like "hey its going down tonight stretch and shower asa you get home... kids will be in bed" lol.

Stalemate is exactly what it feels like. And initiating is probably better than nothing but it's so frustrating it almost pisses me off.

We love each other very much and no he doesn't push away my advances. There was a couple cases though where I dress extra sexy for him or lay next him naked and get absolutely nothing from him! That was just ridiculous to me. He had the nerve to tell me he was frustrated, like ok I was laying next to you naked why didn't you reach over and do something. Same reason I didn't I guess.

I do crave more and I honestly do feel bored. I just want something different. Last night I even thought ok maybe we should have left the light on, at least that would be a little different. Maybe connect us a little more. The other night we took a shower together (we ALWAYS do) and I had text him during the day saying I wanted some. He washed me and rubbed/massaged me and just really made me feel like all the attention was on my satisfaction and I LOVED it. I want more of that and I'm sure he does too.

My other embarrassing issue is I have a really hard time lubricating. I get so self conscience about it. I wonder if he's thinking I'm not aroused and I get annoyed (over my embarrassment) because he's rubbing me, obviously feeling me super dry, and he doesn't try licking his fingers or anything. This one I need to work on in my head I guess or maybe look for medication for it.

Nakedness is a turn off. So the lying naked to him will score zero. The dressing sexy works. You need to get what you need first because once men cum a chemical goes off that is sleep inducing, I am afraid you will need to take the lead, find out what excites him,, covertly, do some research and fish with him a little, a science project, then when you figure out what he needs you can get your needs met.

It just depends on the guy. My husband is into nakedness and he's not into overtly sexy clothing or lingerie. Sorry, what it really comes down to is open, honest communication. I really believe problems relating to sex are usually not really about the sex but about intimacy, connection and closeness in your relationship. I mean, yeah, the sex can get stale at times in a long term relationship, because it just does, because we all have a hundred other things going on in our lives: works, stress, our own hang ups, family, health issues, so we don't always give it our 100% attention.

I do believe if you want your needs met, you have to say what your needs are, to him. Tell him what you want. There's no need to fish around or guess. Just tell him. And tell him to tell you what he wants. Talk. And keep talking so you can reconnect. And also, just buy some lube. And who cares who initiates as long as it's happening.

There are fun ways to find out what each other needs. BTW men are not mind readers! It's like telling him you don't want anything for your birthday and when he doesn't get you anything you get mad! WTF!
Do you tell him you want to spice things up?
I will text my H before I leave to come home from work telling him .. "I hope you aren't tired

There are fun ways to find out what each other needs. BTW men are not mind readers! It's like telling him you don't want anything for your birthday and when he doesn't get you anything you get mad! WTF!
Do you tell him you want to spice things up?
I will text my H before I leave to come home from work telling him .. "I hope you aren't tired

There are fun ways to find out what each other needs. BTW men are not mind readers! It's like telling him you don't want anything for your birthday and when he doesn't get you anything you get mad! WTF!
Do you tell him you want to spice things up?
I will text my H before I leave to come home from work telling him .. "I hope you aren't tired

It really annoys me when people generalize someone. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same!

As a guy I love nakedness of a woman and her body for the beauty it is! The curves and the way her skin feels and not to mention the way it reacts to the touch, or a kiss, or lick. It was said that men are not mind readers and that is so true and is gospel so believe it. For me communication works well and so does subtle hints!

If my lady wanted to spice things up. Turn me on by being naked when I walk in the door, talk dirty to me, or make dinner with just an apron on. Sexy revealing clothes works well for me too or playfull touches when out to a movie or dinner in forbidden areas set the stage and start the excitement.

Hope this helps.

Yea he's not super into the lingerie thing. He does like me wearing sexy things when we go out alone and he definitely like nakedness. So that's not even the issue.

I know we just need to communicate better and I know he isn't a mind reader but neither am I. Just this morning he turned down oral (we had a fight last night and I wanted to just have a better morning/day) because he said he already took care of it in the shower. So here, when he woke up he could have made that effort, but no, I did and got turned down. I'm not mad because he took care of himself, just a thought/example of how he refuses to initiate many times or just doesn't think about it. Luckily he let me though even though he kind of acted like an ass at first but had he not, it would have been a flat out rejection in my eyes and I would never even try to make things better that way ever again.

And I know I lack initiating too.

@Rmb I totally get what your saying. I don't feel like there's problems in our relationship at this time BUT we are extremely busy all the time. I know we are both tired, exhausted, and stressed quite often. So although as a couple we are solid, I think when it comes to the bedroom our energy might just be burned out. I say this too because he's always had a high sex drive and still does, but now the excuse "I'm tired" has been used by him when it was never used before. We're getting older and tired and probably need to adjust to changes happening in our lives.

I think we need to put our sex life first, after now reading all of your comments and reflecting a bit. We should probably make it a bigger priority because staying busy helping others or hanging out with others does very little for us as a couple!

Thanks for all of your comments! =)

We started having the majority of sex in the morning because we are so tired at night. I'm tired in the morning too but if I can have 20 minutes to drink coffee in bed and get my head in straight it's just easier than at night. Make it work!

Being turned down creates such a bad cycle... it makes us feel unwanted. It's hard to get in the mood after...
hope you will be able to rekindle !