Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
At my previous job at a great company I was bored and unfulfilled, but it is a very well known company. I would dread going to work as my boyfriend would say because I literally did nothing all day. I vent to him all the time and I feel like that's the problem. I was offered a job with similar pay with a better job title at a mediocre company. I stressed him out a lot asking him what is the right move. I spent numerous nights balling in tears. I feel like I rely on him too much, I took the other job and guess what I hate it :( I feel like a failure and all I do is cry to him over lunch and text him all day. I don't know how to get it this situation or who else to talk to. I don't want to burn him out. I told him I can get out of his life if this is too much for him. I feel terrible, but I can't live hurting someone I care about. I don't talk with friends about this. It's the same issues over and ever again.
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
Bad anxiety with a bit of hyper focusing, obsessing, etc.
This does not make you a bad person. People with these traits are usually extremely sensitive to stimuli and pick up on things other people do not. Idk if you noticed or not, but you may have unmusical sensitivity to sound, light, colors, odours, weather changes... You may feel the mood or emotions of others to the point that it can either infect you with excitement and joy or may make you physically hurt.
Unfortunately, when you get overwhelmed by the negative stimuli and you have some important things to deal with, all that overstimulation can send you into a spin of anxiety, agitation and the whole world seems to be crashing down.
If this is the case with you, then something needs to be done. Your BF should NOT be the one to peel you off the ceiling as the first line of defense, because you are absolutely right - he WILL get sick of it.
It may sound harsh, but being in a relationship with a person who
Does not have this under good control can be a nightmare. I only know this because I AM one of these people.
I learned to deal with this stuff when I was a teenager. I do the best I can to be rational, but at times my partners have gotten a taste of this Crap.
So, you have to develop a plan of how you are going to accept yourself for who you are, be OK with it and have a step by step almost a protocol of how to intervene when you have these episodes.
What have you tried so far?
To me, the key is not to let it escalate to the point of crisis.
Your BF should not have to deal with the crisis, but you CAN ask him
To help you prevent it. Like - he can keep track of when you are getting excited, bring your attention to it and then you go and do whatever works to chill out , whether it is coubseling, meds, meditation - whatever it is.
You are more likely to keep your relationship if your BF is a part of the " participant of the proces" rather than the " Savior" for you.
Only you can fix yourself.
hope something I wrote will help.
I have some of these tendencies too, maybe not as extreme but I am also on meds.
I totally agree with Aronia's answer here.
Good Luck to you.
@Aronia, I was wondering about the "unmusical" part! LOL!
Sometimes as women we have a tendency to vomit information all over the one we love. Men pick up on the negative and try to fix it. Even though we all we want them to do listen. You seem to really want him to fix it.
I am not sure how old you are but my kids when they first moved out constantly ask me what to do next.
If you are not happy with the new job contact your old employer and ask if they would be willing to take you back. If not start looking for a different job.
I have learned to generally control it, but anxiety is a sneaky thing and sometimes it can be a simple trigger that sets it off and before I know it, I'm in total hyper vigilant, hyper over-sensory mode, where my thoughts just spin and spin. It feels like an assault. I rarely however present a full on melt down to my husband. So not only is the anxiety exhausting but so is keeping it all together. But I have talked to my husband about my anxiety (I talk to him about it when I'm not anxious since I'm calm and focused) and while he doesn't get it at all, he does recognize now when I'm starting to get a little amped up. It is actually for me, a relief that he's aware. So, when I start to ride the weird verbal crazy train with him, I usually tell my husband, sorry, this is my anxiety talking. So when he knows that, he kind of shifts his thinking a bit so he's not thinking, why are you doing this. And when I say it up front what's happening, it sort of decompresses the anxiety.
With that said, it's still up to me to calm my ass down before it escalates. For me, how I do that is just being aware of my triggers and mindful of how I'm feeling. Then I usually just acknowledge my thoughts and either just let them float by or I redirect my thoughts entirely. And sometimes to do that, I literally have to remove myself physically from where I am and either go into another room, outside, anywhere. To me, it's like when a record album just keeps skipping (hopefully people still know what a record album is) over and over; you have to lift the needle and drop it somewhere else to get it to stop. That's how I see anxious thoughts.
What has worked for me is practicing guided body scan meditation and little tricks I learned from a book called Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. It sounds really hokey but it's just a way to relax and get in a good frame of mind. Also, therapy can be really helpful and it would give you an outlet outside your relationship.
With your job, listen, I've been working a long time and have had crappy jobs and great jobs and worked for crappy companies and great companies. My husband had a similar situation as yours a long time ago where he was bored and left for another job and ended up hating the new job and the new company. So he found a new job. This is just what often happens in the course of a person's career and he's very successful in his career. Start to put a plan together. Doing something proactive will help you feel like you've got a bit more control. Figure out what you really want to do for work, what's important about work for you and if you think a job change is in order, start thinking about what you need to do to change. If you didn't have a boy friend, isn't that what you'd do?
I can't commend my man enough for always being there for me during these times and alerting me when shit is spinning out of control.
This seems irrational to even me but I do it anyway. I don't have a melt down to my bf but I bottle it inside and then at night, when I am trying to sleep, I can't because my mind runs over it and over.
Please tell me what you take that helps with this anxiety or what books to read on it.