Ya know I completely agree with you! I was born and raised Catholic and I turned away from the religion years ago and honestly I do not support any religion now as every one of them dose two things. The first is beg for money and the second is persecute others that don't believe what they believe. I still believe and worship God and I believe that Crist was our savior, but I refer to myself as a Christian that dose not believe in organization.

I spent MANY years battling with what I learn going to a Catholic school and being forced into their teaching and not to mention going to church 4 to 6 times a week. I still harbor a lot of resentment that I work on every day.

I have come to believe that all people can make the choices they want and some day they will have to answer for their choices. It is not my place to judge them. I grew up in fear of dating and sex and actually the religious outlook that was forced upon me made me feel tremendous gilt and self loathing for years.

I have since changed and although I have had premarital sex I have never just had a one night stand or used anyone for that purpose. I have always been in a committed relationship with the intent to make it last.

My view on making love have changed and grown as I matured, but the one constant with me was always love and respect.

I wish you luck in finding peace with yourself.

I think a lot of my problems have come from Religion and being really shy as a kid. It doe's make it harder dating when you get older, if you take the bible as fact. I do believe in god myself, but a lot of the bible was written by people, so I don't think all of it's is true.

I agree with you.... I think it's the way people want to interpret and control that often becomes a problem... So many 'right fighters'

I love God and God is love so I often wonder where all of the hate comes from... I have a personal relationship with God.. I no longer am part of a specific religion... I follow him through Christ however I also believe there are other ways to follow him as well

I don't believe that God wants you to be anxious, needy or week mystery... I think he wants you to be happy peaceful and fulfilled

Big hug for you...xo

My beliefs played the biggest role in my decisions about relationships. As a child, I was in church 3-4 times a week. I was always taught that relationships were meant to head towards marriage but I don't judge anyone for how they choose to date, their religious beliefs, or lack of them. Putting a label on yourself doesn't make you a better person. I've seen religious people with less morals than 'sinners'. One thing I take to heart from the Bible is that I should treat everyone with love and kindness.

I don't know if I'd agree that religion gives people a "negative" view of dating. I'd say it can give them a different view. I think it's more of a personal view that's influenced mostly by their overall upbringing. I see nothing wrong with being conservative. I believe it has it's merits. I do want someone to grow old with. I love the idea of being with one person for the rest of my life. I don't think it's needy or weak for believing that way. I don't feel needy or weak for wanting to find a life partner instead of dating casually without expectations for the future. That's just my choice.

I get anxious too when I think about dating. I don't have a lot of experience with it. I don't have any advice for you but I can sympathize.

Something that Bit47 said really clicked with me and why I well left the church and do not support organized religion. I use to see it all the time and I still do on a daily basis. People that belonged to church that I did not only shund me for not going anymore. I also see them sin all week or treat others like crap and then run to church on the weekends to beg for forgiveness.

I try very hard to treat others how I want to be treated and do for others and help where I can. I DO NOT need a preacher telling me to give 10% of my hard earned wages to the church when I cant even make ends meet for my family. It would be different I suppose if I first had the money to spare and believed in organized religion.

I also agree that it is our general up bringing to a point, but then some of it also comes from with in. We all have free will to do as we like. You can either choose to sleep around or choose to wait until your married, but the choice is your to make and honestly no one on this earth has the right to judge you for it.

I think where it causes harm if you go into dating with the mind set you want to find a husband or wife or someone to live with the rest of your life, at least in my case it put's a lot of pressure on one's self. I would thinking about what our kids would look like, and would making future plans in my head on the second date. The person that just date's to have sex and have fun, has the mind set they're just looking to have a good time, which I think is a lot less pressure.

I agree that it's a lot less pressure, and a lot more fun, to date and have sex just to date and have sex. I'm just not made that way. Sometimes I wish I were! It gets lonely, and frustrating, being so moral but it's difficult to change beliefs you've had all your life. I think the dating pool is much more shallow for people like me, and being older doesn't help. ...I don't really know. It's been 21 years since I've dated. I can only hope there's someone out there that thinks like me. My children are grown, and I'm a great person. I just have to get out there and start looking.

I don't think I'd worry about too much on the second date. It takes a while to really get to know someone. When I was younger I may have had thoughts like that though. I just want to find a good guy.

i can understand how religion can "warp" the view of dating, sex, etc
it can also shape one's view in a healthy way

right now, what is you sense of right and wrong? do you try to live be it - even when those scales don't weigh what you want in your favor or are you full of shit?

me, i want a person, that has values similar to mine, that does what they say and gives a straight forthcoming answer, i try to be same
with such, that person and I could have fun in the sun and figure out how to wade through the shit

I agree with refurb. I don't think religion itself is bad. Everyone has a choice in how they behave and in what they believe. I grew up catholic, went to church every Sunday up through my early 20s. I think I recognized early that religion is bssically made up of man-made tenants and therefore, inately flawed. Still religion offered me something at that time, a sense of community, a sense of belonging. But in the end what I took from religion was what made sense to me and how I wanted to live. The rest, I nust ignored. I'm no longer a practicing catholic or religious, but not due to feeling co flicted about sex or dating. I just think I moved on.

And I know many people in effed up relationships who aren't religious at all. And you can be both moral and have sex.

Hugs.

I'm not really sure how to respond.

I don't think that looking for something that's going to last forever makes you "needy or weak". Maybe your picker is off?

Right. Wanting to find the right person doesn't make you needy or week. If you're putting pressure you put on yourself to find someone, that's a lot to deal with and may make you try too.hard, and with woman who may not be agood match for you. I'm just guessing of course.

its all about personal choice, people that put it on religion, have no ability to make decisions for themselves. At that point, as well as a lot of things mentioned here that supposedly "Religion" forces on people, isn't the religion or God, but people.

Find the right place for you to have fellowship and love for your neighbor and the higher power you believe in.

I am a die hard atheist, but I ll tell you this : I grew up in a society without religion and it is not good not to have some sort of exposure to religion. In my culture anything went - people divorced often, had affairs often, women had countless abortions - my mother had 15! That I could count .
Extremes are bad no matter what. I am especially not a fan of Christianity because I fell it I a just as destructive as Judaism and Islam, but it can offer a set of values, community and other benefits.
I just know that it is not for me, but I encouraged my children to seek out their own path.
I am so sorry you had a bad experience.. Mine was on the opposite end. There has to be a happy medium.

I think you can believe in a religion and God or your higher power without having to conform to what the people or groups of that Religion say you have to.

Always do do the right thing, be kind, and love others. Rule your own world by your morals and beliefs and don't let society or the majority change those views just cus that is what they believe in or live by.

Be good

I don't think the OP is really about "religion" so much as it's about the religion he was raised with.

While there are some religions that have very strong beliefs about dating, I don't think that most do.

That said, when I think of casual dating and just having fun, I think of high school.

After that, I think of Some kind of relationship...that's heading toward forever. Or...I think of friendship.

As for advice....maybe if you think of it as more of a job interview. To see if they'll fit into your life? IDK, do you have any good friends that you might ask their opinion? Even a married female friend might give you some good feedback.