I sense there’s more to the pie we’re missing here. Sounds like your ex is confusing her intentions with those of your own.

Is she trying to have an open relationship with you and her new single approaching endeavors?

Usually when people breakup it’s for good, to heal, and to get better. Most often requires time away from each other.

How is this living arrangement any better than before, you should be asking yourself? And is this what you want?

Why did she break up with you, what happened? Sounds like she has some guilt. Usually broken up couples don't continue to live together.

You asked how to make it a healthy situation. The healthy thing to do is move out now, and stay with your Dad or whoever you can stay with for now. You know that you can't continue to live there forever, so why put off the inevitable? This living situation is only causing you pain. It will get worse if/when she starts bringing dates home.

You can still communicate with her, but some space is needed right now for you two to have any kind of healthy conversations in the future. Too many emotions going on right now. You both need some alone time to think.

Make your plans to move out of there as soon as possible. This will make things better on so many levels. Some space apart is really needed right now!

She has said she has no interest in seeing other people right now and we are on very amicable terms considering the breakup. It's an unorthodox arrangement, I know. It's not an open relationship, we are both single but choosing not to date right now. I can only assume we both do need some time. It's hardest right now with the loss of intimacy being so fresh. I have faith we are both mature enough to figure it out as we go. Regardless, I have no intention of leaving until she asks me to and then I absolutely will as I was when I thought that was what she wanted. To answer the question of why we broke up, she chose to let me live with her while I finished college full time with no job with the intent of finishing faster so I could start bringing in better money. To be clear, this started as her idea. But now about to start my last semester of my senior year she has become so resentful of being the only one working that something had to change. She's been under a lot of pressure at her work (she works with foster children with some problematic behaviors), missing home (california, we live in TN), and a sinus infection that's been going on for months. So she's been dealing with a lot to say the least. As far as giving each other space, we do. We each stay in our own rooms most of the time and I don't bother her. We see each other when she wants me to make dinner or do something which I enjoy, so its mutually beneficial. She's asked that I start paying half the rent and utilities but has allowed me to start paying once I start my paid internship next month and I will pay what I owe from before then until we are even. As for how this situation is any better than before, I don't know yet. So far it's not, because we were already losing intimacy a long time ago. But we have remained good friends and right now that is enough for us. I don't think it has to stay that way. I just need to put some things straight that have taken time. I understand her losing patience. She didn't fully realize what she was agreeing to or getting herself into with all my time being dedicated to college. It was never fair. It's almost over though. I want to make it right and she seems to want to let me. But things can't feel like I'm taking advantage of her anymore. There's trauma there for her. I hope that explained some things a little better. I'll elaborate more on anything you want.

Staying with her is a terrible idea. You can't heal and move on if you are constantly around the person you desire but doesn't want to be with you. Plus there is all of the confusion. You are going to continue to seek signs that she wants you back.

She is also hurting herself. She resented having to support you and she is continuing to support you for at least another month. I don't see how this arrangement is going to work.

This is when you need to have self awareness. She resented you for not contributing. When she told you you can live there it's because she is doing people pleasing. It's not because she actually wants you continuing to live off of her dime. Self awareness means you'd bow out gracefully and go live with your dad.

I empathize with you since this was all her idea. She clearly doesn't ever have the guts to tell you what she truly wants. But you are not using common sense here at all. You can't have someone tell you that you having a free ride is causing a resentment then continue to receive a free ride and think it's going to work out. It's not.

There is nothing a woman hates more than having to provide for a man. That's the truth. It was her idea so I empathize with you but you can't pretend things are going to be fine by staying there.

Wow. A lot of assumptions here about a situation you really have no clarity about and nothing about what I was asking about which was how to proceed healthily.

What assumptions did I make? You said she started to resent being the only one financially contributing. And you are still living there without a job until your internship starts. Do you not see the obvious problem with that? Thinking everything is going to magically be okay when your internship starts is wishful thinking at best.

I also gave you the advice you seek. You can't live with an ex and proceed healthily. The only way to proceed healthily is to move on which means moving out. That may not be the advice you want to hear but it's the advice you need.

I see what you’re saying Sweeney99.

I think change is good (your significant other voiced her desires) and if it all works out once you start to financially contribute, it will workout for the better.

Maybe the intimacy can be gained and the relationship can spring back to full orbit and force, just as she was hoping for in the first place.

And I am with you both in wanting to figure out how to salvage a good and healthy amicable relationship. Especially when we know finance’s can break relationships or make them stronger.

Although, I agree with your significant other, in order to make it all work better it’s got to be mutually beneficial.

Finding that balance is magical.

Good luck to you and her as well.

No matter who said what or decided what, you’ve not been paying rent or helping with the bills. The ex made a huge mistake asking you to move in for free, no strings attached, no obligations. She’s wised up. This agreement made you a user in her eyes. We called them freeloaders in the distant past.

Unfortunately this sounds harsh but you have to own your part and take responsibility. Now you are still using her when she got weak and said you could still live there and pay in the future. She’s realized the trap she put herself into.

How can this feel reasonable or equitable to you? How can you not gather your dignity and work a part time job so you both are more equitable. Now she’s made the typical needy woman mistakes. Now she wants her freedom but feels guilty to dump you. And you resent her for dumping you. Good luck to you! Sounds like a lot of stress and unhappiness.

I agree with queen, it has to be mutually beneficial in all respects of a healthy relationship, friendship or otherwise. Even though it sounds like both of you understand the short term plan, I would sit down to make sure it's truly workable for you both. Not knowing what's been going on over the last three years makes it a bit tough to offer advice. On the surface, three years is a long time to just end it without trying to make it work, certainly making sure that that's what she truly wants. Communication is key.

Good luck to you both.

Consider all the work and time mutually invested into the relationship to better establish yourselves.

You’re both so close to the finish line with your part of the shared agreement.

I don’t judge how people choose their partners and how they choose to live their relationship.

However, I think you making it right with her (your significant other) will be worth all the hardship endured.

Think logically & think celestial.

If my husband ever came and told me he wanted a divorce but can live together as torn apart I’d be if he no longer loved me then I would rather live out in the gutter somewhere then to live with someone who no longer loved me

No, sweetgirl18. No one is to live in the gutter. There’s always hope where we see hope. Shine on.

Sorry for what you are dealing with. It’s just a given tho healing won’t take place living together. Before I divorced we had to live together a period of time till I got my place. We also have kids. I couldn’t wait to leave because it isn’t healthy. Obviously it’s your choice and you want to stay unless she makes you leave so you will have to learn to deal with whatever comes with this living situation.

It seems the point that is being overlooked by some, is that she said she wants to break up with you. Those are serious words.

She did not say - "Oh I can't wait until next month when you get that internship and you can finally start paying half the rent and bills here."

She is not being supportive of your career. She sounds sick of the whole situation. Intimacy waning, as you said.... You two have separate rooms....

The point I'm making is, she would not even use the words "break up" if she wasn't DONE and finished with this whole relationship. Whether you get the internship next month or not, the feelings she once had for you have faded and she does not have the respect needed to look at you with admiration and respect. It's unfortunate that this all happened the way it did, but even more unfortunate that she is - done. Said the "break up" words, not "It will be so much better in just one more month".

I still maintain that you should move out. Stay with your Dad., Get some space between you two. Space is not always a bad thing. I am hoping you two can talk this out later on, maybe start dating each other again... I am hoping this happens for you two. But right now.... you staying living there won't help the chances of you two ever coming back together. You need to listen to what she told you.... she broke up with you... and yes, it hurts and we'd all like to fix things or change or do what we can to get things back together.... Very common to feel that way when someone wants to break up with us. If there's any hope of things getting back together, she needs her space and the apartment to herself. She WANTS to see you do something... anything... Like moving to your Dad's, is a start. Then paying her the back money, is another good thing.

She needs to see some actions from you. Not just words, or things that may or may not happen (what if the internship falls through??). She needs to see you with eyes of admiration and respect. You can do that. But, move out now.... You two can talk later, once you get that job.

I truly wish you two the best of luck and I hope it works out!

The people who realized you ex said you could stay out of guilt are right. Let's be honest here. It's delusional to think a woman who broke up with you because you don't contribute financially wants to you to continue to Stat for free even for another month. And no a 3 month summer internship isn't going to salvage the situation.