Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Are you focused on one of those particular qualities when initially finding a person attractive and compatible as a potential mate? Or do you immediately begin a conversation to see and ascertain 2-3 of these qualities at once?
Likewise, if already in a relationship, do you favor one of these three qualities in your mate over the other two, or do you like all three qualities, the entire constitution, in your mate?
I tend to look visually first, because the visual is the first thing we SEE, and her physical form is what I'm going to be LOOKING at when we talk.
Then I look for the kind of emotional tone I'd feel comfortable in. The tone of her voice either makes me feel comfortable and draws me in, or grates on my nerves and repels me.
If the other two have met some sort of minimum criteria in me, then I focus on the intellectual, discussion topics we might enjoy, where we grew up, political and spiritual or religious affiliations, taste in music and movies, etc.
Likewise, if already in a relationship, do you favor one of these three qualities in your mate over the other two, or do you like all three qualities, the entire constitution, in your mate?
I tend to look visually first, because the visual is the first thing we SEE, and her physical form is what I'm going to be LOOKING at when we talk.
Then I look for the kind of emotional tone I'd feel comfortable in. The tone of her voice either makes me feel comfortable and draws me in, or grates on my nerves and repels me.
If the other two have met some sort of minimum criteria in me, then I focus on the intellectual, discussion topics we might enjoy, where we grew up, political and spiritual or religious affiliations, taste in music and movies, etc.
With my husband, I love all three, but what attracts me first is the intellectual and emotional qualities. I view people from the inside out, I want someone who is beautiful to the very core of who they are.
As they say, "outer beauty pleases the eye, but inner beauty captivates the heart".
If I were on the dating scene now, I wouldn't care about the physical because my breeding days are over. so a super ugly guy would be ok as long as he were good company! ha ha
https://www.facebook.com/WildBunchRadio/videos/390722991048473/?fref=nf
Okay now back to the topic:
Usually I look for a great sense of humor first.
When I very first met my guy I almost fell over because he is so attractive. Then he was sweet and funny on top of it......I was in!!
Then intellectual. I'm by no means a genius, but that being said, I need someone who understands what I'm saying most of the time. And who can debate thing's with me.
Then it's physical. I have never been much in to the physical aspect of any partner. My ex was an amazing person in the start. But he wasn't much on the eyes to my friends so I got a lot of flak for dating him. But I didn't care what he looked like, he was beautiful in ways they couldn't see.
My current man and I have been together for 9.5 years. I did not find him physically attractive at all in the start. But I got a good vibe off of him so I took the time to get to know him and he changed in front of me, changing in to a man that I know find very attractive. But if he had been an arse from the get go that I could not of clicked with one the first two levels he wouldn't of gotten a chance lol.
Plus in time looks fade anyway!
I'm really thinking about this now. If there is one thing that attracts me, it is personality. Where does that fit in your categories? Emotional? Intellectual? Because there is nothing like a charming man!! If they have the gift of gab, they usually have my attention.
I will say this: if you cannot keep up with my intellectual interests, you won't be around for long. Especially in the area of current events, politics, life, etc. Have an opinion and be able to back it up with facts. If you talk out of the side of your mouth and spout off with nothing to back it up, I will lose respect and the relationship is over.
It does take me a bit of time to connect emotionally. If anyone has been through a heart wrenching divorce, they will understand. My walls have been up for a very long time and I have yet to pull them down for just anyone. It takes a while to chip away but once you do, I will love you forever. It is odd how men announce they love me so quickly - I don't understand that and therefore have a really tough time with it. I'm sure you all will say that there is something wrong with me but I need to be invested, a good year at least before I know I am in love. These dudes are spouting off like 3 months in; that is not enough time for me.
What is important to me is PASSION. Just be PASSIONATE, about something, anything. Care about something, more than just yourself. Care about yourself, and care about other things too.
For me, no matter how attractive on all three scores, one must be peaceful and kind, to get anywhere near my heart. I think I start there and then all the rest can fall in line. But I can't be someone who is not intellectual period. Neither can I be with someone who is not in touch with his nor my emotions. And he's got to be at least my height...lol!
But back to basics...a peaceful person has a certain aura about them that I sense within minutes of meeting them. Takes one to know one. I abhor contention and avoid it as much as possible. Nice post. Keep it up.