Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Froggie83 09/19/2022

Hubby has been texting with an old roommate.( A chick he says he didnt date, just lived with because they both needed a place to live bit couldn't afford it alone so they were roommates)

I was unsure how to even feel about this.

She confessed having feelings for him back then and wondered how her life would be if they had decided to date. She basically asked him if he had feelings for her.

He claims he has no feelings other than just friends. But he is spending all his time texting her. He says he has told her he has a family and does not want to give that up or mess it up. All while maintaining his claims to love me and the kids.. (This verbally abusive narcissistic man in need of anger management had tears when he was telling me this and was saying he was crying because he doesn't think I love him.)

I dont know what to think or how to feel. part of me is angry that he is paying more attention to his phone than to me or the kids...some of me has just given up on him and dont care what he does.

What are your thoughts?

serenityspeaks 09/20/2022

Well they very well could of been room mates. I had male roommates when younger. However what he is doing now no is not ok if you ask me. But sounds like from how you describe him this may be least of your issues.

rmb 09/20/2022

I think you know it’s screwed up and that he’s a piece of work.

SunCloudJD 09/20/2022

This in no good...... He's playing games with both of your feelings me thinks??.... xo

rianbooyer 09/21/2022

Bobbit time....lol No don't go that route but yea he is going to need to make a choice on what he is going to do. I agree with SunCloudJD

Froggie83 09/21/2022

Rian we think alike!! I thought that route.. But won't go there

I was hoping to start the divorce process in 8 years when both kids are adults and i don't end up with a nasty custody battle. But might have to rethink my timeline.
On the plus side.. with him texting her all the time there is less time for him to degrade me...

finallyawakenow 09/21/2022

Sounds like an affair in the making. Obviously. DO you still love him? With his behavior I imagine that has faded away for you. This is how he may rationalize the new attention. I’m sure you know this but that’s the sense I get from reading this.
Ouch, 8 year plan to freedom. Sorry. Maybe proof of an affair can change the leverage?,

Cammiecat63 09/22/2022

Hi SunCloud! I bet you didn't expect to hear from me. So here is what I think: If you don't know how to feel it is probably because you have a wide variety of emotions. Try sitting down and putting words. on those emotions. It might be the name of the emotion itself or it may be how that emotion feels in your body. Then breathe. Your emotions are real and they are yours. accept them and gently let them pass. Good to see you again.

Goldielocks5 09/22/2022

I am very sorry to say this,,,If he's narcissistic then I dont see any good out of this. His tears could be just woo you over. Especially if he's still texting her.

jannytheresa 09/22/2022

Hi
I am giving you some more direct advice: I would tell him that you are unsure of your relationship with him (hubby). Would also ask him to stop communication with this woman until you sort things out and, if you feel there's hope go to couples counseling, I think that taking these steps might help to
clarify your relationship and feelings. Good Luck

SunCloudJD 09/24/2022

It's great to see you, Cammie!!!.... Big hug.... xo

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