Men are supposed to look. It is genetic. However, a gentleman should not lust and he should not talk "guy talk" in the presence of a woman.

This is a boundary issue. Defend it or he will cross another one.

I don't think it's about "needing" to look based on your attractiveness....it's just natural. As far as the comments if you're not comfortable with it tell him. How does he know you don't like it otherwise.

My brother says stuff like that with his mates - but he never would in front of his GF. It's a habit.. a man thing.. a bravado thing in front of his mates.. He just needs to know that you don't want to hear it! Keep it light when you mention it to him - but be clear and firm about it too! If he doesn't respect your request - then he may not be as wonderful as you think he is!

Well men always look around but you should talk to him about this . tell him how it makes you feel when he is looking around. if he loves u he would stop because he will never want to hurt you.

I say good luck with "talking" about it. I am married to the same type of man and while it does make me insecure its something that isnt going away anytime soon. I have tried the "talking" and even resorting to making snide comments such as remarking that he could be the father of one of the ladies he is ogling (we live in a college town so there are lots off looky-loo opportunities). It never changes so I pick my battles.

I agree with Bearhugs..men are visual creatures and are going to look. We can't stop them. But what we can do is let them know when it affects us and how it makes us feel. If he truly loves you, he will understand and make amends. If not, like Bearhugs said, he may not be Mr. Wonderful!

I do notice that men do look. I know we women do to, but not as obvious.

My hubby likes the "chest" area of the women. I have seen him look a few times....sometimes when I am sitting across a restaurant table, I will just wave my hand.....and say "hey, I am here"......just enough to know I noticed and make him be more aware. Maybe start out small with something like that.

But, as for the "obvious looking"....other guys may be able to answer why they are more outward than women are and don't care who's around.

it's one thing for guys to do it when we aren't sitting right next to them....both men and women do it...or is that just me and my girls when we go out? hehehe

I do agree that you need to let him know you felt disrespected

I notice you said "why do men do that"
well I am here to tell you that not all men do that.
Lots and Lots of men don't.
Personally I would NEVER date a man who acted that immature.

It is totally disrespectful and juvenile.
I would tell him straight up to knock if off or you will walk.
Well.... say it nicer than that! LOL!!!

I have to say too, that for whatever reason, me and my brother talk alot of crap around each other. LOL..I'm wondering if that plays into this as well..Not excusing it, just a thought..

I don't see women elbowing each other but i do see them raise their eyebrows in certain directions and whisper to each other. Boors come in both sexes, they just have different styles.

I would suggest that you choose one time when he is being blatantly disrespectful in public and then slap him during the act, literally, hard enough for it to sting. Don't even say anything unless he is stupid enough to ask why you did it. If he asks, tell him unmistakable and calmly that if he wants other women that badly, he can have them, but not you. Then, never, ever, mention the behavior to him again. If he still does it so much it bothers you, find a better mate.

Bonusjack...why would she slap him???? If that's the only language he understands then he clearly has no respect for other people.

Personally I wouldn't recommend any form of physical violence towards anyone.

OK...so I am not being a jealous immature person or controlling by putting this boundry in place. I do want to say this....(and you can tell i have had YEARS of councelling trying to make my previous abusive marriage work...) that he has made several months of love deposits in the love bank. So the way I was taught that if the love bank is full, when a mishap happens it can be worked thru a lot better then if constant withdraws are made on that love bank and it is on empty. Hope that made sense. This is truly his only downfall. He is a wonderful man. A new man of God so lust is a lesson he has not been taught on. He is really a Galations fruit of the spirit guy and we just need to tweak the self control a bit. =) A bachelor of several years and that doesn't help any either. He treats me with the upmost respect, gentleness and attention, other than this area and it seems to be just with his brother. Without me asking he did get rid of all pornography magazines. He knows that I don't want any of that in my life. I believe we will get thru it and he will listen. I really do. With all the abuse and such my ex husband put me thru this was NOT one of his issues. He would literally turn the tv station or turn his head if he saw a sexy woman. I am not used to even a hint of looking.

Faithful777 I am getting MUCH better at boundries and I like your advise. I lost all sight of boundries in my first marraige and that ain't happenin' again. Trust me I have known him for so long and don't see any other red flags.

Bearhugs,

You can't teach a pig to sing, and you can't talk sense into a jackass.

Well, you may want to give him a break due to the recent change in your relationship. If you were friends for 18 years and now are dating he may still feel he's still your friend when with you. When you were friendly did you two ever talk about the opposite sex as "friends"? Did he make these kind of comments when you were together pre-dating?

Another question I have for you is did both of you explicitly agree you are now "dating"? It may sound like a silly question but sometimes people aren't on the same page. Don't assume.

Good luck!