Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I started dating someone in October. He's great, everything that I've looked for. He gives me space when I need it, isn't codependent, makes me laugh, and my favorite to do with him is just lay around doing nothing.
He went home to see family for Thanksgiving and when he got back, he said he was thinking of quitting his job and moving to SC where his mom is. There are a lot of huge company headquarters down there and he wants to try and get a job at one of those. He's been bar tending for the last 9 years (we live in a college town) and he wants something more. Obviously this kind of sucked to hear because I don't want him to go anywhere.
He's still friendly with an ex of his that he dated for a long time and I'm friends with her as well. Friends with her longer than I've known him. She told me not to panic yet because he went through a couple stages like this when they were together and he always ended up staying. But now his two weeks are in, he's found someone that can take over his apartment, and I'm officially panicking. Ever since he told me his plan, I've tried to stay a little emotionally detached in case the worst happened. As hard as I've tried, I failed at it. It's breaking my heart to think of him leaving.
I don't want to flat out ask him to stay. If it's something that he really wants, I don't want to be the person standing there telling him not to. It's so hard for me to find someone that I'm actually interested in and I never expected him to be the guy that got me to stick around. He's truly great. There's still a chance that he'll not leave (he's picked up more shifts already even though it's after his "end date" at work, he already canceled on one person that said they'd take his apartment, etc.) but I'm wondering if I should just get myself out of this before it becomes a reality. On one hand, I could spare myself some tears and grief, but on the other...if he ends up staying again, I'll be miserable knowing that I ended it and he's still here.
Long distance relationships are miserable. And I have no intention of relocating. I have a fantastic job and my family is all here. I don't know...help.
He went home to see family for Thanksgiving and when he got back, he said he was thinking of quitting his job and moving to SC where his mom is. There are a lot of huge company headquarters down there and he wants to try and get a job at one of those. He's been bar tending for the last 9 years (we live in a college town) and he wants something more. Obviously this kind of sucked to hear because I don't want him to go anywhere.
He's still friendly with an ex of his that he dated for a long time and I'm friends with her as well. Friends with her longer than I've known him. She told me not to panic yet because he went through a couple stages like this when they were together and he always ended up staying. But now his two weeks are in, he's found someone that can take over his apartment, and I'm officially panicking. Ever since he told me his plan, I've tried to stay a little emotionally detached in case the worst happened. As hard as I've tried, I failed at it. It's breaking my heart to think of him leaving.
I don't want to flat out ask him to stay. If it's something that he really wants, I don't want to be the person standing there telling him not to. It's so hard for me to find someone that I'm actually interested in and I never expected him to be the guy that got me to stick around. He's truly great. There's still a chance that he'll not leave (he's picked up more shifts already even though it's after his "end date" at work, he already canceled on one person that said they'd take his apartment, etc.) but I'm wondering if I should just get myself out of this before it becomes a reality. On one hand, I could spare myself some tears and grief, but on the other...if he ends up staying again, I'll be miserable knowing that I ended it and he's still here.
Long distance relationships are miserable. And I have no intention of relocating. I have a fantastic job and my family is all here. I don't know...help.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
Has he talked to you about making definite plans to move and what is your relationship status? Are you official or just casually dating ?
I would want to know where we stand. If he is leaving, then I wouldn't be able to continue if I my feelings run deep.
It would hurt a lot less to just cut it loose now than awaiting his departure and crying myself to sleep every night because I feel powerless. You can't change how you feel, but you can change the amount of exposure and start making a plan on how to move on.
So, I would ask him straight out.
It concerns me that IF he is making serious plans, he has not talked to you about it, knowing that it can potentially upset you.
As life shows, sometimes universe puts everything in its place.
Maybe he is meant to go and you are meant to stay.
One of my best friends has this pretty cool love story - her HS bf was her first everything, he was 2 years older. When they graduated, they both chose to go to colleges and pursue careers. They both were sad to break up, but did it.
17 years later they are both in relationships, living on opposite sides of US. They somehow get in touch and decide to meet up in NYC for 2 days.
Long story short, they are pushing 60 and have been married since that year when they met up in NYC.
Sometimes things just happen the way they do, and it hurts.. But eventually you find happiness anyway.
So, I am sorry that this hurts. It is not fair. Best wishes.
If you really enjoy his company and really care for him, you'll want for him what "HE wants for him" ...
The needy selfish part of you, of course wants him to stay, but if you can "Let it be" and realize he should be where he will be the most happy, you'll be ok.
I would also just try to "live in the moment" and enjoy his company while he is here... I don't think you need to make any declarations of.. "If you aren't going to be here forever, I will cut contact with you now" sort of things... Cause if you do that, you don't really care for him as a person, you want him for the future he can maybe supply you with...see what I mean?
Anyway.. the strong and noble thing to do, would just be patient, kind, and supportive and see what happens..
You know... Like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" lol..
good luck
Shasta, that's why I haven't said much about it to him. If it's important to him and it's what he believes will better him, I don't want to be the thing standing in his way or giving him a hard time. So, I listen and offer advice but I don't tell him how I feel. Sometimes I wonder if that's a mistake and he thinks I just don't care if he leaves.
be honest, "I don;t want you to leave I thought we had a possibility, but I am happy for you if you want to live out your dream."
I can't act like this hasn't happened to me in the past. I was in your shoes to scared to say or do anything. It's kind of a disappointing part of my life just letting her go.
For those asking if he wanted me to move with him, we've only been together 4 months. Moving together this soon would be recipe for disaster.
I told him how I felt on Saturday and he said he knew and understood, but he was still going to leave.
I couldn't do it. Couldn't keep staying on pins and needles and couldn't know that he was leaving soon and I was going to be left here. I did what I thought would protect me in the long run...and I feel like absolute shit.