I think the real issue you should be thinking about is he is a liar. He lied to you, he lied to her, and he continues to lie to both of you.

You have to hide upstairs when she calls?? Do you think this is right... I can't imagine what that must do to your self esteem that he has to hide you.

I think this other woman is his wife.

How do you know what the *real* extent of his and the other girl's relationship is? You didn't even know she existed, until 2 months later, after you had fallen in love with him. She could be his wife for all you know. Him having a relationship with another woman (or women?), would be something you should have been told about from the beginning. You've only known him for a few months.

And now he tells the other woman that you and him aren't having a sexual relationship.... except the problem is, that you are having one.

I think it is time to think about what you really want for your life. If you want a Poly lifestyle, that is perfectly fine. But if you want a relationship with one man, who is honest, isn't lying to you, who doesn't also have other side girls, then this guy is not for you.

And Poly means several wives, not just you and the Canadian woman. I would be wondering who else this man is currently seeing, or how many more women does he plan to add to this mix. And Poly is *supposed* to mean that everyone knows about each other and is accepting of each other.

Again, a choice that only you can make for yourself.

I’m assuming we are talking a polyamorous relationship? In that case isn’t one of the tenets of polyamory everyone involved gives their informed consent? If he’s not being honest with her about things then she by definition isn’t consenting, which, then let’s be honest, means this is really just a love triangle.

Lying through omission is still lying and isn’t a great foundation for any kind of relationship. An amazing man wouldn’t live a lie or have you hide. You are complicit in that as well. So I think it comes down to what you can live with. I would just say to be honest with yourself.

I personally think he’s using you and I highly doubt he’s going to choose you over her. If that was the case he would’ve dumped her already not wait til she comes back. I agree with girlincalif I think the other woman his wife

Big hug Kathy..... From what I'm reading you both seem to be submissive... I agree that he lies when it suits him and you seem to be submitting to the submissive

This would be a lot... What about thinking about what you want out of this relationship and do you think that you'll ever get it?..... xo

I am so sorry you have gotten caught in the spider's web. He plays both of you. You can't have sex with him without her? Are you two actually abstaining or is this another part of the lie? He makes you hide when he talks to her, boy that would make me feel like dirt.. What you love is a fantasy version but now you have moved in and are kinda stuck until you make other plans. It is harder now to get out of this unhealthy relationship, you'll tell yourself but I live here now and moving is so hard and I don't have the money for my own apartment, etc. I have been the same as you in that my love relationship was all about me stuffing my real feelings and not being good to myself.

You don't matter and she doesn't matter really. If he is lying to her, he is lying to you. Liars lie, some people are users.

Living a lie is always painful even if we pretend or put lipstick on the pig. I am really sorry you are stuck in this bad for you situation. My goal is to help you see your value and worth so that you realize you are worth more than the lies and being second fiddle and being used.

A true poly relationship revolves around honest communication and consent from all parties.

Hi I have a female friend who is a Dom with two subs and she is a submissive to one master. She is also happily married and the two of them share a completely different kind of relationship. When I asked her how it all works she stated honesty and communication. I know her husband has been involved in every decision or written contract developed with hard and soft limits as well as when she can have her subs over to their house. Or when she goes to her Master's house. Honestly from what you are describing, he just sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He should have been up front to begin with. Most people I know in the community are up front about what they desire and don't beat around the bush.

That is not a poly relationship

This doesnt sound very healthy :/ any relationship where you are kept a secret is toxic. He is showing himself to be dishonest.