Yeah, sleep in separate rooms, at least some nights. Forget about him feeling bad about himself--you've got to get a good night's sleep! If he behaves like an adult, and is considerate, he'll understand. Maybe only sleep together on those nights when you don't have anything to get up early for the next day, so can get sexually freaky throughout the night.

Maybe you can go to sleep in the same bed, if he wakes you, just go to the other bedroom. I know it's a hassle but I think sleeping together adds to your relationship and I wouldn't recommend just giving up on sleeping in the same bed any night.

Koolman-I have tried getting sexually freaky with him throughout the night when he does that and he just pushes me away and says he is tired. He doesn't want to wake up, get it on, and then go back to sleep. It's not like we have a bad sex life either. Our sex life is great. I would say 4-5 times a week and honestly it would be more if it was up to me.

Drew-That is a good idea. I will have to try that. Hopefully he does act like an adult and is understanding more than he is upset.

I have very close friends... who have a very happy marriage... years ago they came to the conclusion that having separate rooms (and occasional sleepovers) worked best for them... they only recently shared this info because of the stigma surrounding it... but they have never been happier... remember that what works for you might look different to others but it's no ones business! good luck figuring it out

Thank you clearskye!

I am pretty sure that you have a smart phone right?
If you have the Google play store download a free app called (sleep talk recorder. )
Let him hear himself. Show him what's going on. Tell him that you aren't upset with him in any way but you need your sleep just as much as he does. I had an ex girlfriend that complained about my occasional snoring and i didnt believe her so i got the App. I snored for about 15 min. Throughout the night so i didn't consider it to be that bad.

I don't get it. While sleeping, he touches himself and starts moaning, then when you wake him up to get freaky, he says he's too tired and wants to sleep. Without sounding like Sharon Stone's Lori in the Arnold Schwarzenegger version of the movie Total Recall, I'd be curious to know who this dream woman is he's touching himself and moaning to! "Lori, I can't believe you're jealous of a dream."

I'm a very restless, light sleeper and my husband is a heavy sleeper and a snorer. Between him and my need to go get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I'm exhausted. I would try nudging my husband to get him to stop snoring or to roll over, but he just eventually starts again, and then he gets irritated because I keep nudging him.

I finally threw in the towel and just started getting up in the middle of the night to sleep on the couch or in a different bed. It really helps and it works for both of us. We go to bed together and fall asleep together. In the morning, we get up a little extra early so we can hop back in bed together for a bit to have coffee and watch the news. We continue to be intimate almost every day. So we still are enjoying the togetherness a bed brings,but without the annoyance with each other.

I have never enjoyed sleeping with another person in the same bed. I love the idea of it, but in all practicality, it kind of sucks. I'm anal about my covers and pillows when I sleep, how I want things tucked in. My husband just radiates heat so it makes me feel like I'm next to an oven. I sleep on my side and he likes to sleep really close to me with his arm hung over my waist and his leg hung over my hip . Yeah, just what I need for a good night's sleep, a 190lb snorer's dead weight basically laying across my body.

Yeah, can you tell this is a topic that hits home for me, haha!

I don't do this, that I know of, but it would be hard to control a dream. I mean, if he is having sex dreams about another woman, that's his subconscious and doesn't mean he want to have sex with her.

I don't know, I have woke my H after a dream and had sex.. He's done the same.
He sounds like he is embarrassed that you bring it up. Totally understand that it's disturbing and wakes you up. I know how hard it is for me to get back to sleep after being woke up. I think the whole recording the issue showing him what's going on is a good idea. So he doesn't think you're crazy or just picking on him. I wouldn't be concerned about it but if you need to sleep go in another room.

Perhaps having him talk to a psychologist or therapist about this behavior could help. It might turn out to have a cause that can be addressed (either with a bit of therapy or with meds) by him and then neither of you would have to worry about this nocturnal habit.

This kind of touching has something to do with a particular childhood developmental stage. It is both explorative and comforting or something like that.

I do agree with Aronia. I think the idea from rmb is very sweet and could be a good solution.

I am a very light sleeper and get woken up very easily.
So I typically cannot sleep all night with another person.
If I ever get married I would do what RMB does.

We also sleep in separate beds and can't imagine it any other way. We've tried sleeping together but neither of us gets a good night's sleep.

What I'm having trouble with is this moaning and touching himself in the middle of the night while deep in sleep. If he is unaware that he's doing this, I'd definitely go and see a therapist about it, together. I've never heard of this, and it's not something I could easily live with either. Relationships are about compromise and he needs to realize that you can't live this way, and finding a solution and getting to the bottom of it, will help you both have better sleeps, which is so important in a healthy relationship.