Have you tried couple therapy. Sit down and talk it out. That list should not be set in stone, It should be flexible enough to meet each other needs You both have to step up. And you need to understand that he might not do things the way you want him to. But you can do it. Hugs.

You will probably want to let go of some of the dominance in order to divide things more equally and allow him to do things 'his way' without conflict

Perhaps this is why he steps back??? maybe?

I would divide the chores and if let the chips fall where they may so if something isn't done that isn't your chore the let you husband manage it on his time, his way.... Good luck!!…. xo

I agree with going to couples therapy. Your previous post said he caught you cheating a week ago. So maybe he is not in a good space right now to divide up the household chores in a way that makes sense for either of you.

Be patient with him. Let the chores go for now. And, please consider counseling for the infidelity.

We are going to counseling for the infidelity but this was something brought up. I just found this online community and hoped for some other insight on how other couples work through daily life, that's all. Thank you for the replies thus far!

I don’t think counseling is required in order to divide chores and responsibilities. Just sit down with each other, negotiate and agree who does what and then after that if it’s not working, discuss and rework the plan.

If there are other issues in the relationship though, that may make the simple task of just dividing stuff up really challenging because doing so can kick up resentments and underlying emotions.

Sometimes the division of daily stuff is really about trust, like one person doesn’t trust the other to do the chore the way they’d want it done. So they end up doing it. For example, when we had dogs, I did most of the stuff related to the dogs because I liked handling things a certain way and my husband didn’t handle them the same. Drove me nuts, so I just took that one on. I couldn’t then complain about how I handled all the stuff with the dogs when I didn’t want to let go of control.

With that, my husband hated how I did laundry so he does all the laundry.

Maybe a way to start is going that route, figuring out the chores that each of you would prefer to do. Maybe start with a few so it’s not overwhelming.

To me I don’t think it has to be equal amount of chores but just figuring out what seems to make the most sense based on other stuff like your jobs, how much you each work at your jobs etc. I do very little cooking because I work long hours. I make a couple of things on the weekend for me or us but otherwise we aren’t super creative with meals. I refuse to spend time after work cooking. My husband knows that so he adapts. We eat together normally but I’ll eat a bowl of soup or something and he a salad. We keep that simple so we aren’t stressed out after work about that.

So I think it’s really figuring out what’s the priority with chores too.

These are just some ideaS.

When we dominate other people, the message we are giving to them is that we feel they are not capable. Often we dominate because we have a need to control others, or we feel we have to take on all the responsibilities in order to be liked, gain approval, or be "good enough". Thus, I encourage you to look at your own behaviors and see if you are doing too much and giving the subtle message that husband is not capable or is "less than." If this is the case, you stepping back and showing him trust and being more passive, will go a long way to healing what is broken. Sometimes one partner is non-cooperative in chores and household responsibilities as a way to gain control if they feel they have little control, or so called power, in the relationship. You want me to mow the yard but I am tired of being less than so I won't do it when you want to gain my power back. As in passive aggressive stuff. All we can do is change ourselves and our reactions and thinking, but this often changes the dynamics of the relationship for the better.

I agree with couples therapy being a good option. Since my boyfriend works, we have divided up chores, daily tasks etc as follows:

During the week, I take care of cooking, dishes, laundry, and sweeping the floors. We also have dogs, so when he gets off work, we walk the dogs and care for them together. He brings in most of the money since I am still in college, so he takes care of the bills.

On the weekends, we work together on bigger chores like cleaning the bathrooms, mopping and vacuuming, and grocery shopping. He cooks meals on the weekends and helps with dishes.

I feel that working together on chores and taking care of the dogs has brought us closer and helped to keep a balance on workload between the two of us. I am hoping for the best for you!

Hello,
Welcome! Thank you for sharing. Have you talked to your husband about division of household chores? I’ve been married to my husband for almost 25 years and I learned that communication is very important even talking about simple stuff at home. My husband is good at managing finances so he is in charge with that and I’m in charge with my son and most of the household chores. That set-up works for us.

We are attending a life group in my church, all of us are married and it’s also a big help for us to have a stronger marriage. We learn from each other and it’s good when there are people praying with us. I pray that things will go well in your marriage. Please keep us posted, God bless.

Chore chart! Make a list sorted by daily, weekly, monthly (or however you wish) then you each pick a chore that you enjoy. When the ones that are left are the ones you both detest, split them evenly.

Also worth remembering (speaking as a wife 2 years into marriage): him doing yardwork is not equal to you doing dishes. Yard work is something that can generally be done once a week for a few hours, while dishes must be done at least once a day. So divvy up chores by hours, not number of chores.

Good luck!

I think you both should sit and talk about the situations which are getting worse with you both together. This will help you to understand together. Or else try to spend more time and go for some vacation which will fresh you both to understand both of you better.