I find it very courageous of you to want to let him know why you have made the decision of not speaking to him and im thinking of a couple different things. 1 if what you need is to close the circle maybe just writting a letter to him and burning it can give you the feeling of closure and help you let go. 2 If you really want him to know you could also give him the letter and let him know ya'll can set up a time to talk and have any final thoughts or also let him know you do not wish to give further explanation. . im suggesting writting because that's wat works for me but its up to however you feel more comfortable and what method of communication feels better for this occasion. Hope it help. Best of luck to you and im glad you are doing whats best for you :)

There's no neutral way to tell someone you don't want to know them and why. If he's calling you constantly, I think you just have to be honest and say you are in a different place right now and can't continue the relationship. Wish him well and end the conversation. No long discussion, no back and forth, but direct and definitive. If he's not reaching out to you and trying to contact you, if it were me, I'd leave it alone. Don't call him, don't write, don't text. Just be done.

I agree with rmb...don't reach out. So, this guy was about 19 and was having sex with you when you were 14? It doesn't matter who started it, that's illegal. If he won't leave you alone, threaten to turn him in.

I don't agree with 11Christmases about turning him in. Unless he preyed on you or took advantage of you, he isn't a child molester and turning him in as one could ruin his life and possibly get him put in prison and hurt. You were underage but you were not a young child and you said yourself that you initiated it. He was still young too. If he'd been in his 20s or 30s or 40s, that would be different but not with him still being a teenager when it happened and you initiating it. There are a lot of men on the sex offender registry and in prison because some young teenage girl changed her mind about something she agreed to or her family got wind of it and wanted to make that boy pay. True child molesters deserve to be punished severely but people who just do stupid things don't deserve the hell of being labeled child molesters if they're not. (And for anybody reading this, I was sexually abused several times so I'm not defending true child molesters) He's probably just as messed up emotionally as you are. It doesn't sound like he groomed you or raped you. If you don't want to hang out with him anymore and you don't have the nerve to tell him, just stop talking to him. He'll get the message. If he harasses you then I'd call the cops. I have a hard time speaking up for myself too and it causes me a lot of anxiety to confront someone. I am really sorry you went through this though. I went through something similar because I was too afraid to speak up. It caused me to have a lot of self hate and anger but I think I already had that and that was part of the reason I got myself in the situation to begin with. Take care of yourself. You're worth it.

I think 11Christmas was saying if he won't leave her alone she can THREATEN to turn him in, to scare him into no longer contacting her.

No one called him a child molester, unless I missed it. This is not about someone wrongly accused of child molestation. Child molestation is not the same thing as having sex with a girl who is under age. Two separate things under law entirely.

I don't know what all the state laws are on age of consent, but I suspect under law, she is not at the age of consent. That means is incapable of consent, get it? Even if she initiated contact, LEGALLY that is not consent due to her age. She was 14 for crying out loud.

In some states, depending on the age, it can be considered felony sexual assault. For instance in my state, it's a second degree sexual assault if you have sexual contact or sexual intercourse with a person who has not attained the age of 16 years.

I do agree that the ages and the people involved and the relationship should be evaluated before labeling someone a sex offender. I mean, I wouldn't consider an 18 year old senior in high school going out with a 16 year old sophomore in high school a sex offender.

And sorry, I didn't mean to harp on this piece, but this issue also hits close to home for me as well, for different reasons. The OP is very wise to realize this was effed up and harmful to her. I'm not saying to report him now, but as the actual adult in this situation, he was simply required to do better by her.

This may be a different prospective a bit... I agree with you that ending this relationship is good.
However, there may be a reason why you hate him now besides the fact that he should not have been having sex with you - he is a part of the ugly past you want to move on from and he reminds you of that by his presence.
However, he was around when nobody else was.
I would just tell him that you changed and you need to focus on yourself right now.
He will be hurt, but it doesn't matter. You have to save you.
Take care of yourself now.