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Need help unscrambling this behavior

Aronia
Aronia

   For those of you who don't know my story - 


i recently broke up with a fiance who is a sociopath. 


I left with little things. He has me as a co-signer on his home loan and his vehicles.  We are in a process of getting me off the mortgage, which I am sure he doesn't want to happen. My credit is suffering ,  I am determined to make it happen. 


  So, he has a new GF ( of course) and I have moved on as well, however he texts me on and off and we are in touch because of finances. 


   One day I came over to pick up my mail and he told me that he wants to give me a TV and a sound bar and today he told me that he bought me a new set of pots ( because I am moving into a new space )


    I am trying to figure out what he wants from me. WHY he is being so super wonderful. When I was in love with him, he could work me any way he wanted, but now that I am free, this no longer works.


     So, what does he want from me?


is it sex? Is it to keep me financially strangled by his debt?  What can he possibly want? 


  The other thing is - he knows that I am in the middle of a law suit and waiting for settlement. 


  I am afraid he wants to manipulate me in some way with that. 


    A part of me wants to take all the things he is offering because I sustained serious financial damages while being in a relationship with him and I am still struggling hard.


   The other part of me wants nothing to do with his gifts because I feel like it is yet more manipulation and if my new boyfriend learns about it, I am sure he will be really pissed off or upset. 


  Should I even tell my BF about this?  He knows about my debt situation with my ex, but he doesn't know that he is buttering me up. 



koolman
koolman
Yyyeeeahhh...I think it's about money. He knows you've got that lawsuit settlement check coming in and wants a piece. I'd graciously refuse all gifts.
LivingWater
LivingWater
It is best not to accept his generosity! Keep your dealings with him legal, not personal.
lb7268
lb7268
Aronia do not fall into his plans. Say no thank you. I would also tell the new BF everything.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I'd say no go as well... You can always sell both of the cars and the home for that matter... Pay of the debt and split what's left over... I'd be done with him... I'd also find another place to receive your mail... big hug...xo
rmb
rmb
Say no thanks. Whatever his motives, it's fishy.

And it's ok for your boyfriend to be pissed. I'd keep him in the loop on this stuff if only to have his support and so he knows what's going on with you.
Aronia
Aronia
As far as the mortgage and the cars go - what I am doing now is best possible way to handle it. I have a lawyer. I can't just sell his property, I don't own it, I just co-signed the loans.
I did tell my BF in a few words what's going on, but left out the details. If he wants more info, I will let him know.
I ll keep you posted on what's happening.
rmb
rmb
It could be, in his own weird-ass way, him recognizing how this has financially affected you and trying to right that wrong. But still, the better way to do that would be to look you in the eye, admit his wrong and tell you how sorry he is for everything, not, you know, buy you a frying pan. I mean, how about giving you the money he spent on the pans, if he were really concerned. Maybe his new girl friend is getting in his ear telling him to make himself look like a bigger man so it doesn't look like she's with a loser. Who knows. It all smells. I think accepting anything from him comes with some kind of price.
Lenoire
Lenoire
He's after your settlement money. Reject his gifts politely, and stay on track. Nothing good will come from him. I'd also tell your new BF everything; you don't ever want him to think you're keeping things from him. If it affects you, it will affect him in one way or another, and this is your opportunity to set the bar for integrity, as it's probably what you would want if the shoe were on the other foot.

I wish you well.
yorman1
yorman1
Aronia, all I can say, I second what Lenoire has posted...that is great advice....Integrity is certainly what its all about...good luck
heretohelp
heretohelp
I think he finally realizes what he has done and hes back tracking. It has clearly worked before with you, so I think trying to manipulate you is second nature to him. Do not let his nice behavior think otherwise. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to get to a better place personally and financially, so I think that should be your main focus.
ChickenTikka
ChickenTikka
I agree with what everyone has said except I don't think in such a new relationship you have a responsibility to share everything in your life with your new man, also he has already indicated he is overwhelmed with his own problems. Your ex, be a broken record, tell him to communicate via email if he has to- and keep a record- and just keep saying you do not want to see him, you do not want little gifts and he needs to sell the house and whatever else you co-signed for if he genuinely wants to be helpful. He's a flake for putting you in this position- but a million times worse for not selling his stuff right away and putting you and your children's wellbeing in jeopardy. Maybe that's why he's playing nice- judges don't look very kindly on people who are not able to act responsibly where children are concerned. And he isn't.
grateful
grateful
It sounds like you are addressing the financial side but there are many other areas of separation that should be addressed. I haven't been on this site long but I believe I can post a resource. This may give you additional pointers. http://bit.ly/2cEAJ9J
Aronia
Aronia
I had kind of an angry moment yesterday because I found out that my ex now bought himself a new TV and wants to give me his old one as well... And he bought another Dyson vacuum. Now he has 2 Dysons and 2 Roombas for a 3 bedroom upstairs ( this is why he needs a cosigner on the mortgage - his compulsive shopping "
I went to rent a moving truck - it is going to be another 120$ for me.. Set up utilities, trash removal... Next will be water...
Screw doing the right thing. I ALWAYS do the right thing and this is where it lands me.
I m going to take everything he wants to give me and not even feel bad about it. Whatever it is that he wants, he is not getting from me, but I will take all the material handouts. At this point, I am in survival mode.
:-|
lb7268
lb7268
Very understandable Aronia. Perhaps one of those Dysons also. It is very expensive to move and get set up. Good luck with everything. Are you moving soon?
Aronia
Aronia
I started bringing things to my new place already and the truck is rented for October 9th
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