Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Need help. Emotional and physical abuse?

anom6312
anom6312

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. It happened fast, we have a 4 month old.  The other night he got really mad because I wanted to move furniture around and it was an inconvenience for our roomates,  I moved everything back when he had moved everything that I had rearranged and he threw my piano keyboard out in the trash and I got upset and I grabbed his clothes and was telling him that I was going to throw them outside.  Well that didn't happen in argument started and everything he grabbed my wrist and held me against the wall and told me to calm down and when I wanted to go to the other room he wouldn't me when I finally got away he pinned me down on the bed and told me that he couldn't leave me crying and so on.  He tells me constantly that this relationship is over and to get out of the house and if I do leave him then I won't mess up the babies future  he constantly guilt trips me about the baby and about finances.  Is this the start of emotional and physical abuse?  I don't want this to get it even worse.  The next day he got me flowers and this movie that I really wanted to watch I don't know if that's just part of his way of saying he was sorry or what 

LyndseyD
LyndseyD
I think that this is getting kind of dangerous for your sake. I'm not saying you should split up right away, but you should talk it out with him, let him know that you are concerned and that you want to compromise. Also, tell him how you dislike being guilted into doing things because of the child and finances. Be calm. If he gets upset let him let it out through words. If he becomes physically violent again then tell him to stop and you just want to talk this out. If he persists, I suggest a therapist for you two. If he dismisses you and doesn't respond or listen to what you have to say, try again. If after three tries at confronting him he still doesn't listen, I suggest a therapist once again. You need to feel safe in this relationship and being guilted into things is not good either. A therapist may help him recognize he may have some inner demons and help work out some stuff between the two of you. I wish you the best of luck :)
rmb
rmb
No one should put their hands on you like that, EVER. It's not normal. I'm sure a new baby and living with roomates on top of it is stressful for you both. But you guys have a baby now. There's no room for this behavior. He sounds maybe immature and doesn't know how to handle conflict or stress, but I don't know. You have to address it with him and in no uncertain terms tell him if he lays a hand on you, you will call the police, and mean it. You can't have your baby grow up with someone who manipulates you and uses force to control you. That's crazy.
jennifera
jennifera
^agree with RMB
BellaRose
BellaRose
There is prob so much subtle stuff coming from him that you can't put it into words. I lived w a guy that threw me into a wall, pinned me down, and smashed my phone. I left him but not for another year. I got my finances together, signed a lease and moved away. I have had zero regrets. You may think I just can't make that kind of a change but, sister, you can do anything if you take small steps....get things in order and you can decide in time.... but start making preparations now.....also have a plan in place for a sudden departure..... gather up what you and baby need to leave quickly .... just in case.....I stashed extra car keys outside for months! Get your important documents out of the house....prescription meds for you and baby....just in case...put them in your car trunk.....good luck and don't sell yourself short.....you deserve a life that is not full of drama!!! So does your child!
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