Counseling... you shouldn't have to "help" anyone commit...

tell him that you are there for him no matter how he thinks you are. Tell him that you will that hate him for his decisions and dont put too much pressure on him. Get him to laugh with you if possible tell him that he doesnt have to feel rushed and that you will wait for him. hopefully thisll help

How long have you been together?

Drunk phone conversations... bleh.

Oh wait... I saw your other post. You've been together 6 months, and according to the other post, he is pulling away and broke up with you but now wants to try, sort of, but is still distant?

I would start focusing less on him and more on yourself and living your life, and let him figure his stuff out. I know it's hard and it hurts but I assume he's just not ready to be in a serious relationship. There is nothing you can do about that.

I agree with everyone except kary.aa.

I see you trying to control his feelings and responses. I'm assuming you're young, because that is not something you can or should be trying to control.

You're not responsible for his feelings, and thats codependent behavior

You might want to address that now, because sooner or later, after enough relationships like that, you will find yourself worn out and confused from spending all your time trying to manage others instead of creating your own life

Knowing what I know now, I'd walk on and live my life and let him work out his confusion for himself.

You're not his therapist.

One more thought.

It may not be "Okay". He may be feeling pressured into a relationship he's not ready for (obviously).

This is a huge red flag. Don't ignore it (his uncertainty and the drunk phone calls)

These are not signs of a stable individual to become involved with.

What the hell is he scared and confused about? It's not like he's gotta decide right this second he needs to spend the rest of his life with you or that he has to committ every waking moment of his life to you. It's dating, not the end times.

He is not ready for you. He's telling you that and showing you that. You kind of have to take him for his word on this, rather than looking for ways to make him more comfortable or fix him. I'm.not even saying to break up with him. That's up to you. But at the very least, don't twist yourself around to try to.make him feel ok with things.

I agree with Sassy 100%. I've been in this situation. The last guy I dated was a commitmentphobe. I spent a year researching commitment phobia to try to help HIM. It can't be done. This is an issue of his and he needs to be the one to get into therapy for it (it's the #1 reason guys go to therapy I think I read). I did read a good book I'd recommend, called He's Scared, She's Scared. It reiterated, again and again, how most of these commitment phobic men cheat. I kept telling myself, again and again, that this didn't apply to the guy I was seeing. Fast forward a year of his crazy behavior... I found out that he was married (and hiding it from me all along - separated but talking to his wife daily behind my back), I found out that he had been cheating on me the entire time we had been dating, with yet another married woman. In the end, he was diagnosed with a whole slew of personality disorders and mental issues. I'll never make that mistake again.

Just assure him that the relationship will stay the way it is when there are rings on the fingers. If he's unhappy with the way it is, yes, his concerns are valid. I'd also tell him what good is freedom with loneliness? Yes, there's some compromise in being in a relationship, acquiescing to another's needs, and that is sometimes a good thing.

I think you should just let your relationship "happen" Neither of you should be stressing about what "might" happen. Leave him alone, let him have his feelings or space... what ever he feels he needs to do. Smothering him may confuse him more. All you can do is let him know how you feel, how you really feel. And then tell him you are going to step back and let him sort his feelings out. Trust me, if he wants you, he will realize it- and it doesn't matter how scared he is. Especially once he has time to see what his life is like without hearing from you.... Take it from someone who has tons of experience.... let them decide how they feel about you. Once they know, they can't live without you.- that's the kind of love you want, not the kind where you wonder why he's not sure. Best wishes.

Walk away from this one, it will only lead you to heartache. He's not being honest with you. If he's crying for his space, he may be up to something you're not aware of. You don't know him as well as you think you do. A partner or person of interest who wants to be in your life, will be all in, and will take every opportunity to show you, by the things they say, and the actions they take; it's a no-brainer. The first mistake an inexperienced person can make entering into or furthering a relationship, is to make concessions; that's when things start to go downhill. Stay true to your needs and you will come closer to hitting the target and finding a good match.