I've done it. My first long term boyfriend. I still remember breaking his heart. He was crying, I was crying. I still think of him with fondness, but it was the best decision.

I think that is good enough. If after 5 years and you saying that you just aren't feeling in love, that should be enough. Some people though want more concrete evidence, like you found someone else or you realized you are not into guys, or you decided to become a nun.

Make sure you understand why you are doing it. If you understand why you're ending it, then THAT'S the reason. If you're not happy or don't have feelings for him beyond friendship, that's the answer Don't be cruel but be honest. I wouldn't patronize him with the whole, it's me, not you thing, and for sure don't be wishy washy because then he may think there's still hope.

But if it's simply a situation where he's just not accepting the reason, then that's an entirely different thing and not about you but about him not liking the answer. Nothing you can really do there.

thank you... I think I just needed that validation... i do know it's the right thing but probably have been a little wishy washy trying to spare his feelings... and thanks for the laugh Lost... maybe I'll use one of those excuses lol

Of course it is okay.. He deserves to find someone who can love him back and you deserve to be happy as well.
He just doesn't see it yet.. He is hurt

It may not even be so much about him wanting a reason as it is about what this means to him in terms of what your relationship has meant.

He may be upset because he feels blind sided by this breakup. You guys were together for 5 years, so it makes sense that he would be hoping for an explanation other than, "I just don't love you and don't want to keep this going anymore if that's how I feel."


If I were in his position I would feel absolutely crushed. It would be devastating to me if a partner of several years suddenly broke up with me and told me they just have never really been in love with me. Part of me would also feel betrayed and used in such a situation.


You have every right to end a relationship if you don't feel that you are in love with the other person. However, the longer you wait to do so the more it will hurt the person you break up with, and half a decade is a long time to wait to break up with someone you don't feel you love.

In your ex's mind he may just be seeking any reason that's less painful than being told you're still not in love with him after 5 years of thinking you were.

I'm pretty sure if you said "OK, the real reason is because you're TOO nice, and because I crave a bit more of a scoundrel who has the Devil in him, so it would be guaranteed satisfying lovemaking", it wouldn't have gone over well. "You can't handle the truth!" Sometimes there just IS no graceful way to end these things.