Is it something you just learned or that he has been hiding from you, or is it just a recent thing that happened?

I guess I think how to deal with it depends on whether he's someone who is just always financially irresponsible or who is normally financially stable but through circumstances, i.e. job loss, medical bills etc is in a bad place.

It's a mixture of all of those things really... it's been a steady decline, and I've just recently learned the full extent of it.

He's financially irresponsible and very impulsive, whereas I am the complete opposite :(

I would find a partner that you're more in tune with financially. Finances are too important of an issue to be completely opposite on.

I think you need to really lay it on the line for him. If you want to give him a chance to right the ship, sit down with him and come up with a plan with him for how he is going to recover, what steps he's going to take etc. Write it down and tell him if he can't do x,y and z then you can no longer be with him because he's putting you at financial risk.

I was not always 100% responsible with money, but that changed as I got a little more mature. Then once I lived with someone I really tightened up because life with another person is contingent on being responsible, holding up your end of all agreements within the relationship, and recognizing it's deceptive to not be transparent in a relationship when it comes to everything, and that includes money.

Thank you so much for your reply rmb, that's really helpful. I think I'll have to try that tack and see what happens.

I hate the idea of giving an ultimatum, but I'm struggling to see another option at the moment... we've been together for 6 years and I really hope it doesn't come to an end because one of us couldn't take responsibility for their finances.

6 years is a long time. But you can't build a life with someone for real, like buy a house, raise kids (if you choose that) or be able to afford unexpected big bills, like medical bills for example, if your partner seems indifferent.. No one wants it to be true but financial stability is just as important as all the other things in relationship. It's not about being rich. It's about accountability to each other.

This is a big deal. Don't let him tell you it's not.

Does he work? Do you work?

I work, but I'm working poor, working for a very low wage. Meanwhile the expensive bills just keep cheerfully pouring in as fast as they ever did. So I definitely feel financial stress too. It's getting harder and harder to make enough money to live on.

I just started up another part-time activity in the little time I've got, which adds a little more money to the mix. This means some days I've got to work 15 hours a day, but that's the conundrum: Want money? Got to give up time. I'm a photographer and I've been submitting photography and video clips to stock sites. I've built up a portfolio of over 1,800 images and video clips on Shutterstock the past year, and I'm starting to do the same thing on Dreamstime and Fotolia. I'll maybe submit to a 4th stock agency in the future. The pennies are trickling in. I want to make the dollars pour in, so I keep plugging away.

We just have to keep trying different things, thinking and doing creatively, outside the box, until something clicks and the money starts flowing in, then concentrate on that activity.