You would never think that this would be that big of a problem, but my husband is a terrible procrastinator in many areas. In some areas he is NOT. He does pay the bills. He goes to work on time. He works hard to make a living and pay the bills on time. He is not a slob. He doesn't come home drunk or cheat on me. He doesn't lie to me.... He is a wonderful man. I love him dearly.
The problem is ... He is a procrastinator and I am not.
We have butted heads on this for 13 years... since we met.
I do not expect him to get involved in my projects or help me around the house. I have a part time job from home but I do not expect him to come home from work and do a lot of chores bc I am home all day. I do have RA and CFS... this does limit me much more than I want it to... but I am still capable of many things if I get enough rest.
Where we butt heads is when I want to paint a room, he throws a fit. He has not spoken to me for days bc I painted over the 1950s wall paper in the kitchen when I moved into his house. Even though he said I could. He was mad when I painted the hallway. He was mad when I hired someone to help me rake the backyard bc I am sometimes too ill to do great physical work. But HE wouldn't do it. He won't spray the weeds ... He let the fence fall down and would NOT call someone to fix it or fix it himself until I yelled at him that we are NOT white trash. WE have the money to fix it.
He gets mad if I rearrange furniture. He doesn't like it if I want things done.... like have our 1950s kitchen cabinets repainted ... they are stained and old and need some atteention but he doesn't want me or anyone else to do it. HE doesn't want to do it. I have the money to have it done.
He was mad when I put a rock garden in the front yard even though the ground was DIRT and not grass.
He does NOT want me to touch the house... even though I am here all day long. If i hire work done... he gets even MADDER. WE had a dead tree in the backyard that I have wanted cut down for 13 years. He won't let me call someone to have it cut down.
I do NOT understand this. I just do not get it. He wants me to live in a house that I do not fix or change. He even would not let me clean in the beginning of our marriage. But he finally lets me clean now.
I do not get it. I have come very very close to leaving bc I get so depressed sitting in a house that i do not have permission to do anything to... or make improvements.
WE have gone around this merry go round over and over and over.
He won't get counseling.
I've said everything to try to make sense. I've even decided to not care about the house... but i became very very depressed. I can't live like this any more.
It's like he is a control freak... but he says that I am. I just don't understand. I grew up in a family that worked hard to keep our house updated and nice. I don't know how to live in a place that is like this when we have over $100K in just savings. He won't spend it.
I don't get it. But I'm ready to leave.
Taking on step at a time. Some days are better then others but I keep going. Yesterday was a hard day woke up feeling anxious and stressed just emotional missing my kids bad and a very special person . Today I woke up with a positive out look can't say it will not change but I'll will do my best to keep happy. I go to the doctor Friday so I'm going to talk to her about my on and off...
I've been trying to remember psychotherapy conversations from the 90s attached to the term, "Outsider Syndrome" in conjunction with my social anxiety. I'm pretty sure I am remembering the term correctly because there seems to be plenty about it on the internet and I do plan to read some of it, but scholarly articles are not the same thing as remembering conversations.Anybody heard of it?